Manic MIL, how do I cope!

[lamandler]

OK, I will keep this short as I can, as I know it's a perennial problem on these pages.

We live far from my parents and DH's mother, and happily muddle along with 2 small DC. Before DC1 came along, I had a good relationship with MIL, but since having children she is, well, manic is the only word I can think of. When she visits she stays over a few nights and is incredibly overbearing and hard to cope with - has to tick off a long list of granny things with DCs rather than just be with them and get to know them. And she is pretty resentful if I am around and tries to get me out of the way as much as possible.

I am sure this kind of relationship with a MIL is not uncommon, but I (and DH and his sis) do think that she is showing bipolar type symptoms going from manic (with DH and DCs) to really surly (with me). She has always had a dependence on valium and I think tanks up before arriving. DH knows I struggle to cope with her l but I have to remember she is his mum and try to rein in my frustration!

So lots of ishoos - but for me, how can I cope with her? SHe loves her grandchildren and that's of course really important, but I currently can't cope with being around her. I can't and probably shouldn't avoid her visits/our visits to her but I am dreading next time. The tension is unbearable when I ask her not to do something because DC are too young or too tired.

I need a coping strategy - help!

[LemonBreeland]

I think the first thing I would be doing is making her visits shorter. Two nights maximum.

Other than that not really sure.

[dustyblinds]

Smile sweetly and let her get on with it. I had a year or so's angst with mine, but found less resistance was the least stressful approach in the end. You'll never win!