should I bring any of this up?

[uselesslife]

H and I are separating, due to him being emotionally abusive, amongst other things
Before we were married, he had a relationship with someone else. I found out, we finished, ended up getting back together.
I've just been going through some paperwork and found all sorts of weekends away. Paris, Prague, Madrid. And cards from her, when we were together.

I didn't know half of it

Interspersed with these weekends away, are our own weekends away

I'm so mad

[wfhmumoftwo]

Understandable. Sounds like you are well rid of him! It might not feel like it now but i'm sure one day it will
Make sure you keep copies of things you find, and keep a record of all finances you have so you get a fair deal in the separation
Good luck, take care and keep your head high.
Do you have children together or can you just cut him off altogher?

[something2say]

Hi, wow sorry to hear what you found out, what a mad trip.....after all is said and done, and now you find out more.......!!!

What would be the use of you bringing it up? To leverage the divorce? To make him feel bad? To bolster your decision to leave? Or just to let him know you know?

I'd start there, and then see how I could come out of it best.

Altho I have to argue, coming out asap it probably best!

[daffydowndilly]

If you were married when this was going on, keep the evidence, you could use it in your divorce - unreasonable behaviour on the grounds of adultery. ?

But it is not nice when you find out the person you thought you knew and you were in love with, in fact was not like that. I can't quite imagine how hurt and angry you feel, but when my H left I found lots of very large, regular cash withdrawals, and the stab in the heart about that was hard enough. I started speculating what it was spent on (booze, friends?, women?), and that is not a healthy thought pattern particularly as this was not money we could as a family afford.

[ImperialBlether]

I found out that my ex was seeing two (that I knew of) women instead of the one I kicked him out for.

I phoned him - bear in mind he'd left a good couple of years before - and said, "Why didn't you tell me you were sleeping with two women?" I heard his jaw drop. He said, "Who told you?" (He's such an idiot.) I asked whether his girlfriend knew and he said no. I said, "Well just remember I know" and rang off.

I've never had any trouble off him since

[geegee888]

If it was me, I'd bring it up. Because I'd be cutting all but necessary contact with him, and would never get the chance again, and because its not my secret to be hidden away and allowed to fester.

[puds11]

If you dont mention it to him it will no doubt plague you. At least you can be reassured your making the right desicion about leaving him.

[something2say]

Yes, you could mention it, now I come to think of it again, and be as cold as ice. You are well off away from a man like that, and here's to your future. x

I think sometimes people reveal themselves and we never look back, once we get over the shock.

[uselesslife]

I don't think I'll be able to keep it in
We were trying to be amicable and I feel like this is going to blow it all up again
Bollocks
Why did I waste so much of my life on him

To check the dates, I've been through my old diaries and there's loads of rows I'd forgotten. Why do I have the capacity to forget all the shitty things he's done?

[lazarusb]

I'd tell your solicitor first to be honest and make copies of everything.
I found out my ex (as a teenager) had made someone pg while we were still together. I wasn't told until about 5 years later but it still hurt a lot.

[uselesslife]

Well it was before I found out about her, so really it's just the extent/details of their relationship I'm discovering
I thought it was just a couple of months. More like a year. And he started their relationship when he was with me.

I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill, but it hurts.
And reminds me what lies he is capable of.

[lazarusb]

I don't think you're making a mountain out of a molehill - he's been lying for a lot longer than you knew, it may also suggest that his relationship with her had a deeper level emotionally which sapped his emotions for you. Of course it hurts. Be glad - one day - that he is out of your life.