Please help - is he interested?!

[spidergrey]

Or is he just being a lovely empathetic person?!

I had a one-to-one meeting yesterday with someone on whom I've had a crush for some time, and to who I'm very attracted. The meeting was to talk about the state of health of my mother. I know nothing about this man's personal circumstances, however, so was doing my damnedest not to show how I felt.

At the end, as I turned to leave, he put his hands on my shoulders from behind, lay his head on my shoulder and said, well I can't actually remember what he said too distracted by his touch but it ended in "sweetheart". Is he just being caring? Does he do this to all the people he sees?!

I know you're all mindreaders and will know exactly what he's thinking so let me have it, I'm driving myself insane trying to figure it out!

In the interests of honesty here, I have changed a few details and have changed my posting name.

[Teansympathy]

Yes! as well as be sympathetic and caring he likes you !

[Lovingfreedom]

Is this person a medical professional or social worker dealing with your mother's case?

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

When you say 'meeting', what do you mean? Were you seeing this bloke in some kind of professional capacity?

[WizardofOs]

So much depends on what he said and the tone doesn't it? Can you really not remember?

How old is he in relation to you?

If he is not interstested then it sounds inappropriate for a work situation. I would have freaked internally if someone did that to me at work unless I fancied them.

[spidergrey]

Medical professional. Was meeting him to talk about implications of a forthcoming operation my mum has to have.

[Lizzabadger]

Then he behaved totally inappropriately and you should report him.

[WizardofOs]

Hmmmmmmmm....he should not be touching you or using terms of endearment. Is he older than you and acting in a paternal way?

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Good god you need to report him then, he has behaved totally inappropriately.

I'm sure you are upset about your Mum and hoping this guy can help her, but surely you can see that this is a boundary that shouldn't be crossed? I wonder how many other vulnerable women he molests.

[diddl]

Sounds like preying on the vulnerable to me!

[worldgonecrazy]

If he is a medical professional then he has overstepped the bounds and I suspect you won't be the first pretty and vulnerable person he has done so with

If there is a relationship in the offing, or you like each other, then he would transfer your case to a colleague, be open and honest, etc. and take things from there.

[Lovingfreedom]

I wouldn't report him but I would be careful. All sounds nice and 'Mills & Boon' on one level, but he is acting on the borderline of professional good conduct. Be careful. He's your mum's doctor and it would not be appropriate to have a relationship while she is in his care.

[spidergrey]

I don't know exactly how old he is, probably three - five years older than me.

I have "known" him for about seven years. We always used to meet together with my mum but, recently, as she has become unable to understand anything, I have had a couple of meetings on my own with him. I don't feel threatened or compromised in any way, and I figured as he's not actually my doctor, what happened yesterday was fine? I've never known him be anything but caring and kind, should i really be viewing yesterday's incident as something he did wrong.

I do have a tendency to be quite naive I suppose, so if most of you guys think this was a bit ott on his part, I guess you have a point. And there was me getting excited thinking he might like me

[Houseofplain]

I know of a dr who was in appropriate like this. He's now in jail for sexually assaulting, drugging etc.

Boundaries are there for a reason. I wonder how many others he does this too?

[schmarn]

Hang on - were you meeting him as a medical professional in his professional capacity or were you meeting him as an acquaintance/friend who happens to be a doctor? There is a world of difference between the two. In the first instance, he would be acting inappropriately. In the second, he would be a friend so it would be fine.

[PatriciaHolm]

He is in a professional-client relationship with you, so yes, what he did overstepped the boundaries of what is acceptable in a professional relationship.

[Dprince]

Is he a social worker/ carer or similar?
Imo if he is helping care for your mother I would be wary of reading to much into anything. He may feel close to you because of your mother but not in a romantic way. More of a 'he is worried about the effect the illness is having on you way'.
Some people are touchy feely.

[PeppermintPasty]

I think it sounds creepy, but then I don't fancy him.

When I was a lot younger, and didn't know much about boundaries and appropriate behaviour, a man I knew in a similar way flirted with me, a definite attempt at flirtation mind. I was thrilled but far too scared to do anything about it so that was that.

If he tried the same thing now, I'd have called him on it big time. Looking back it was a bit sinister.

What am I saying? I'm not trying to imply that you're immature, but maybe you're too trusting? And yes, he may chance his arm with every woman he comes across, bear that in mind (sorry)

[spidergrey]

I was meeting him in his professional capacity schmarn.

I feel really sad now, I've always thought of him as such a kind man. None of the "overstepping the boundary scenarios" had even occurred to me. I was just trying to work out whether he liked me as in was attracted to me, or whether he liked me as in Dprince's post.

Would it still really be such a bad thing for him to have done if he knew that I was interested in him (not saying that he does know, just wondering). I always knew I was naive, but I feel downright silly now.

But thank you for all opinions anyway, very interesting to see how differently people interpret situations.

[Houseofplain]

Yes it would be bad for him to like you and act on it. He is seeing you in a professional manner. You are the vulnerable party. He has all the power if you like. Hence why he should be reported. How many others does he do it to and take advantage of? This would be misconduct. For very good reasons.

[worldgonecrazy]

spidergrey I don't know the exact protocol in this situation, but I would guess that if he said "I like you, would you like to meet for a coffee sometime, and by the way, because of ethics I would have to transfer your case to a colleague" that would be okay, because that is the honourable and ethical thing to do.

If you enter into a relationship then it would be unethical for him to remain as a medical professional to your mother.

[Fuckitthatlldo]

This sounds seriously dodgy to me.

Come on Spider how old are you? Surely you must know that it is not appropriate for him to act this way in a professional capacity? He could well be sacked or at least disciplined for this sort of behaviour!

[MardyArsedMidlander]

Sorry but that sounds completely creepy and inappropriate to me . I work in a simialr field and would expect to lose my job for doing something like that. yuk. Yuk.

[Fuckitthatlldo]

And no, he doesn't like you. Because if he liked and respected you, he would be conscious of boundaries and do things properly.

I would imagine you are not the first...

Sorry.

[BalloonSlayer]

If the OP is not "the patient" then isn't it OK? Or at least, OK-ish and not struck-offable.

< stretches grammar to its limits >

[higgle]

I know someone who works in Social Care who behaves like this, he is a perv and a letch, when people first meet him they think he is great, but they soon realise otherwise!