Sex Addiction - does it exist?

[AlinaX]

Regular name changer. What do you think to the above?

I'm not a journalist or internet perv. I want to know if you think it is an actual condition and if so, can it be 'cured'?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I think any normal behaviour can be taken to extremes and become obsessive. Whether compulsion is the same thing as addiction, I am not sure. However, I think most extreme behaviours can be addressed provided the subject is willing to make the effort and is given a strategy.

[daffydowndilly]

Yes it exists, and for the people who have it, it is absolutely and totally devastating, as is any addiction. Sex addiction is not an excuse for randy husbands who can't keep their pants on, but people who suffer it use sex (or love) to numb their emotions and feelings and have no control over what they do. They lose relationships, self-respect, friends, colleagues, any feelings of self-love and respect. Ultimately it, like any addiction, can be so devastating they may lose their life. Can it be cured? Like any addiction through professional (psychiatric/therapist) help and a support group the behaviour can stop as the reasons for the behaviour are dealt with, but no you cannot be "cured".



Characteristics of Sex & Love Addiction (from SLAA - sex and love addicts anonymous)

Having few healthy boundaries, we become sexually involved with and/or emotionally attached to people without knowing them.

Fearing abandonment and loneliness, we stay in and return to painful, destructive relationships, concealing our dependency needs from ourselves and others, growing more isolated and alienated from friends and loved ones, ourselves, and God.

Fearing emotional and/or sexual deprivation, we compulsively pursue and involve ourselves in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one sexual or emotional liaison at a time.

We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or be rescued.

We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.

We sexualize stress, guilt, loneliness, anger, shame, fear and envy. We use sex or emotional dependence as substitutes for nurturing, care, and support.

We use sex and emotional involvement to manipulate and control others.

We become immobilized or seriously distracted by romantic or sexual obsessions or fantasies.

We avoid responsibility for ourselves by attaching ourselves to people who are emotionally unavailable.

We stay enslaved to emotional dependency, romantic intrigue, or compulsive sexual activities.

To avoid feeling vulnerable, we may retreat from all intimate involvement, mistaking sexual and emotional anorexia for recovery.

We assign magical qualities to others. We idealize and pursue them, then blame them for not fulfilling our fantasies and expectations.

[MsDawkins]

"... growing more isolated and alienated from friends and loved ones, ourselves, and God."



Sorry, do carry on.

[daffydowndilly]

msdawkins: SLAA is a 12 step group. These are their words, not mine. I took them from the internet, as I do not profess to be an expert on sex addiction. I do however know friends who have this, and I do believe it does exist as per the OPs question. If you were to go along to SLAA meeting, it would say god "as you understood him", so could be the universe, trees, birds, buddha, as you please. Same with any 12 step meeting.

But please do raise your eyebrow.

But personally I think if you have ever been in the situation where you have been so lonely and isolated that you have no contact with friends, no contact with family, and no form of spirituality at all, so essentially it is just you and your addiction, that is indeed a lonely and depressing place.

[Fuckitthatlldo]

Yes the 'God' bit is part of 12 step recovery thinking.

With 12 step the addict is seen as being physically, mentally, and spiritually unwell. And so the second step is coming to a belief that a 'higher power' or 'god as you understand him/her' can restore them to sanity.

The good news for us atheists though, is that your higher power can be literally anything you want it to be. I'm an atheist and also attend AA (which is a 12 step programme) and I have chosen to view my 'higher power' as the group support and dedication to sobriety offered by the fellowship. So you can do 12 step and still think Dawkins talks sense

Anyway, to answer the original question, I was always fairly sceptical about the idea of sex addiction. A convenient excuse for men that couldn't keep it zipped up I thought. But I have now come to see it as the compulsive use of sex to take the 'addict' away from themselves - in other words they are using sex to meet other, non-sexual needs, such as that for validation, distraction, temporary reduction of anxiety e.t.c. Anything to avoid having to deal with the reality of themselves and their lives, which is very much how all addictions work.

Neither is it just a male problem. Plenty of women with sex addiction issues out there.