Am I being a bitch?

[inlovewithanarse]

Sorry, might be long..

I've been with 'D'P for 9 months and have put up with him trying to cheat on me, signing up to vile dating sites, excessive drinking, going awol for a week and basically being a complete dick to me. I've let him manipulate me into thinking he will change, begging me to give him more chances and i've gone back time and time again.

The difficulty is that I work for him from home organising various work trips that I go along with him to. I am very people orientated and drum up a lot of business for him. He is good at what he does but isn't great with people so we work well as a team. I have thought about leaving him before but I am always in the middle of organising an event and think, when this is over i'll break up with him but then he sucks me back in by being great - It's frustrating as I know if he was consistent we would make a brilliant team in all respects.

Last night he was absolutely vile towards me in front of my 10 year old, he'd had a bad day and really lashed out at me verbally :( I walked home, texted him stupidly saying I would always be there for him etc... got no reply after a couple of hours, so told him I was deleting his number so that I could not contact him and hope he didn't drown in his own self pity :(

I deleted his number etc. as I always back down and text him. The problem is we have to be at the airport wednesday night for another event I have organised, I have his passport, details of the venues and am halfway through the advertising campaign which has a deadline for tommorow at 2pm. He knows all this and hasn't contacted me until just now with a brief text asking if I had done the advert - no apology or anything. I don't know whether to text back or just switch my phone off.

I also always pay for everything on my credit card as he can't get credit and he gives me the cash eventually but it worries me every time, so I asked him for the balance last night and he kicked off about that too. He pays me for helping him out - it's pretty much a full time job and i'm at his beck and call but I always have to ask several times for any pay and he gets stroppy if I talk about getting a 'real' job as he 'needs' me.

So, what do I do??? I feel strong enough to get rid of him this time. The flights and accommodation are booked and I am so tempted to just go on my own and bloody enjoy a break leaving him to sort himself out for once but i'm a bit scared tbh!!

[littlebluechair]

Do it. Walk and don't look back. He sounds like a user and you've got to draw a line. Your kids deserve better, you deserve better.

If he owes you money, how much? If not too much, risk losing it - consider it the price of freedom?

[GemsAngels]

Go alone! He will never expect this! Be strong.
You dont need this loser!!

[tallwivglasses]

Scared of what? He can fuck off, surely. Please gather up some self-esteem, if not for you then for your child.

You're obviously good at what you do. Be strong this time and make a life for yourself. There's people out there who would appreciate your skills.

[Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain]

I think, it sounds like you've already decided.

You just need a massive glass of wine and the belief that if he was worth sticking around for, he'd want to support you to find a job for yourself. It sounds like you're more than capable!

[jynier]

OP Think that you know the answer, really. He has no respect for you, is using you and thinks that you will stay at his beck and call!

Good luck!

[inlovewithanarse]

Thank you for the support - i'm on glass 3 ;-)

He threw the £2000 at me, I took it and walked. It's happened before when he was seeing this other girl that I didn't know about - i'd booked flights then he said he had a crisis with his kids and his ex had demanded he stayed at home that weekend to see them, so i gave him lots of sympathy and rebooked the flights for the next weekend, got venues/advertising sorted then he said he thought he should go alone to have some space?!?

Initially i said i understood, then i thought fuck it, there's a flight with my name on it i'll go anyway so i booked my own hotel told him i wouldn't bother him etc. but once we got there he decided he would be lonely without me and asked me to stay with him - i found the texts to the other girl that night :(

I've arranged childcare and sorted everything for this week so i'm really tempted to go anyway. I haven't texted him back and he hasn't got back in touch - i'm not sure he realises i have his passport!

I think it's just the fact that i'm an organiser and have loved doing everything, even if it's been stressful most of the time, i hate leaving something half done! I know he could do it himself, i'm not leaving him completely in the lurch I don't think

[tallwivglasses]

So what if you are? It might teach him to respect people.

[Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain]

Errrrr, no you're leaving with your head held high.

He doesn't deserve you, you're organised, confident, tenacious...

Stupid bastard, he is!

[inlovewithanarse]

He doesn't respect anybody and has no friends :( His father is a nasty piece of work and i think he's following in his footsteps, it's like he wants to turn everyone against him and he's doing a bloody good job! I guess it's time to give up on him and live my own life! How safe is Spain for a single lady??

[inlovewithanarse]

I hope i can keep my head held high - really trying not to get too angry with the bastard, the shredder looks pretty appealing right now - you think he'd be able to sellotape his passport back together in time? ;) I have so much shit on him and could really screw him over where it hurts (his wallet) but i need to stay calm and not do anything stupid!

[AnyFucker]

So, how long will it be this time before you are "back" with him ?

[Sposh]

Oh for goodness sake just shred his passport.

Not really (or is it too late )

He really isn't worth another moment of your time. Is the work you do for him worth much, will you struggle without it? Either way you need to not do it any more, the man is patently an idiot.

[izzyizin]

Whereabouts in Spain?

I've always found that delightful country and its hot men inhabitants as safe as any lady would wish it to be

Stick his passport under a rug/carpet, deny all knowledge of it, and have a great time

[inlovewithanarse]

Passport still intact so far... i will survive without what he paid me - i'm sure something will come along and i can Ebay my stuff to keep afloat.

Ha, AF, you sound like my Mum - i know i need to get rid of him and should have done so a long time ago, after every incident i've lost more respect for him, when things happened in the beginning i'd be crying, ringing him, going to his house, as times gone by my reaction has decreased, today i really couldn't give a shit - no tears shed, no texting. I really want to stop - he's like smoking, a disgusting habit but so very hard to quit! I do feel stronger than before though and hope this is it!!

[AnyFucker]

All this in 9 months ?

There is no "in the beginning" in a 9 month "relationship"

Do you love a drama ? You might want to sort that out.

[inlovewithanarse]

Haha Izzy - hot spanish men, hadn't even thought of that, was busy dreaming of sunlounger and kindle! but hey, you never know!! :) It's Marbella, i've not been to mainland spain before but did go to Tenerife many years ago alone and survived! Confidence has plummeted since having kids though.

[henrysmama2012]

Really, stop thinking about leaving him in the lurch, that you have his passport and he needs it, that the event isn't completely organised etc....if you are done then you have zero responsibility to him or his stuff. He isn't your responsibility once you split up.

[inlovewithanarse]

AF - I don't like the drama, i've never been in a relationship like this one was, but i don't want a mundane relationship either, a nice middle ground would be good - mutual respect with a man who is spontaneous but also respects me. Probably asking too much judging by the dating threads!

[AnyFucker]

Let's summarise then. In 9 short months...

• you have "split up" several times
  
  
• he has at the very least tried to cheat on you
  
  *he is using you as cash flow
  
  *you have made yourself "indispensable" to him (in your own head, he doesn't give a shit who does his skivvying for him actually)
  
  *you have tolerated him treating you like shit and repeatedly gone back for more
  
  *he has been vile to you in front of your ds, and still you let him sweet talk you back into being his "right hand woman"
  
  *he financially abuses you by making you pay and then fret about being reimbursed
  
  *you say you are "losing respect for him" when actually it's respect for yourself that has been eroded again and again
  
  And still I suspect you will use the excuse of having his passport and other assorted "loose ends" to engineer yourself into a situation where you will find yourself right back on that (not so)merry-go-round
  
  tell me I'm wrong

[inlovewithanarse]

Fancy a trip to Spain AF? :) Pretty much spot on - I feel like i need to remove myself from the situation though to get away from him, with the school holidays coming up i have my chance, i can go to my dads a few hundred miles away and stay there for a bit - i know i need to get off the merry go round and have known this for a while but i have just let myself get back with him time and time again.

[izzyizin]

Marbella, eh? Not my favourite spot - too many Souf Lundun wide boys and towie types for my liking, but the weather's to die for and there'll be plenty of Spanish eye-candy to distract you from your kindle.

BTW, you know twats are not given to spot changing any more than leopards are but, as AF says, your self-respect and self-confidence will under dramatic alteration for the worse if you continue to demean yourself for this one.

[AnyFucker]

Do what you gotta do to wean yourself off this damaging situation, OP

Put the passport through the letterbox (when you know he isn't there)

Cut yourself off from all manipulations, put away any feeling of "finishing" a job except "Operation Extricate"

no more

[inlovewithanarse]

I keep looking at the weather and the big fat sunshine icon on my phone is luring me in! lol - I can't see him changing either, it is sad but i think the sooner i find something to keep me busy the better, the difficulty is that he took over my whole life (probably like a parasite!) and it will be pretty empty without him, i won't even have work to focus on - i was looking at college for September but he didn't think that was a good idea either! FFS - i've been a right bloody mug haven't I? Right - i'm going to bed, no more texts from him unsurprisingly, thank you so much for the kick up the arse - i promise to update should anything happen x

[AnyFucker]

you are right re. parasite

these men are like vampires, sucking the life and confidence outta you

9 months is a short time to succumb to it...keep it that way, some women live like this for years and have dc with these emotional bloodsuckers

when are you off to Espana ? I hope to get to one of the islands next week

[Inadeeptrance]

The first nine months of a relationship should be giddy and happy, run as far as you can in the opposite direction OP.

He is a user and a loser, get rid and chalk this one down to experience.