Me and DP have been together for 4 years, as students at different universities. As a result, our relationship has mostly taken place online, weekend visits, holidays and trips abroad. Despite this we have always planned to start our life together after we graduate.
I am a mature student in my mid-twenties, and I feel ready to embark on something like this despite the obvious obstacles in our relationship- I feel like it would be a different story if I was a 20 year old graduate, but I moved out when I was sixteen, held down various jobs and lived on my own prior to going to university- I feel like I've lived, loved and now I'm ready to settle down.
It was a whirlwind romance and we were planning our lives together after a year. We used to have so much fun and because of the little time that we had together, we would cherish it. It was well and truly perfect.
Now I'm home with my parents after graduation, and we're due to start renting a place together in the coming months- but since exams finished, I've started to realise that he isn't the person I thought he was. We have been back and forth visiting each other more frequently without the commitments of university- and I've realised he's a complete manchild and someone that I don't want to live with. He's been staying with me for the past week and I already see the cracks emerging
As his parents are still dishing out money for our rental deposit and living costs- he literally has no worries at all until his grad job starts (we are both starting jobs in the city, not at the same company)- so he has been sitting on my fucking sofa all day when the house is a tip, not cleaning up after himself, using all of the food that my parents bought and telling me I need to go shopping without even offering money towards it whilst I've been at work all day as a barista earning money that his parents give him willy nilly.
He also doesn't take my job seriously. I realise my cafe job is a stop gap- but I need it to help furnish our new home and save up for a first few months of rent. As we're both starting careers in finance, he has been using this gap between uni to do something that he calls 'networking' swanning off to a load of parties and events. He usually wants me to join him as 'arm candy'- but I work 40 hours a week, and he gives me a hard time when I won't pull a sicky or fork out my hard earned savings for a hotel or a weekend away just so he can suck up to some of the most morally repugnant I will meet. Also, he doesn't realise that I don't like being arm candy? My graduate job is better than his ffs but he's recently started belittling me. If I manage to get an invite to an event off my own back, and get the time off work- he's there, just waiting and harrassing me to get in on it too.
It's not just a complete lack of consideration for my family home but other people to. My parents came back from holiday this morning. DP has a friend in the next town over so he planned to use to day to pay him a visit, as DP was leaving the house, DF (who had just came from the airport on an early flight) pulled up and just told him to jump in the car and he'd give him a lift to the station. I thought this was really nice of DF, but DP well and truly took the piss by calling him at hour ago whilst my dad was sleeping off jet lag and asked him for a lift back from the train station! He certainly has enough money for a taxi and it was incredibly rude because he KNEW DF would jump and get him :( feeling so embarrassed as I would never have done that to his family.
So many other incidents but I just wanted to check that I didn't seem petty. The thing is, I do love him, but our weekend relationship was clearly seen through rose tinted glasses, and just a fortnight of mundane life (we have spent weeks together before, but usually joined up with parties, friends, holidays) has made me realise how repulsive he is. I literally had no flags of this behavior going off before but now I'm wondering I was just blind to it
At the same time I feel selfish and scared that I've realised how shit this relationship could potentially be after just 2 weeks of real life. I want him to be the amazing considerate fun easy going man he has been for the past 4 years. I don't want to raise a child before I'm even pregnant.
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Relationships
DP is a manchild, have realised this after 4 years
57 replies
mixedberrymilkshake · 08/07/2012 19:33
OP posts:
mixedberrymilkshake ·
08/07/2012 19:50
And even if he was 23- I consider paying your own way, having a job, being able to order a taxi and going to events on your own all valid life skills 
OP posts:
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