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Can i convince DP to be circumcised...

(330 Posts)
ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 19:21:13

I know this is a controversial subject, but just wanted some advice. I have name changed as this is so personal I want to protect DP.

DP's foreskin does not pull back at all, not even a bit. He should have had it fixed as a child, when it started giving him trouble, but I don't think his Mother wouldn't allow it.

He is very sensitive about it and doesn't like to discuss it. We have spoken before but he gets very defensive.

Basically, because of the way his Penis is he doesn't get stimulation from the normal backwards and forward motion. He prefers a very tight grip at the tip with sort of circular motions. Because of this it means he doesn't get much out of PIV sex. I am either too tight and it hurts, as it pulls his foreskin back. Or i am too wet and then the grip is not hard enough.

But also because of this there are other effects. His penis seems to store wee in the end, so it smells bad. I really don't like putting it in my mouth as it tastes so bad - I have gagged and almost vomited before.

The only sex he seems to get decent stimulation from is if I hold a flat vibrator firmly onto the end of his penis. Also he doesn't really like kissing or oral on me. So he will use a vibrator on me in return. I am starting to find our sex life really limited and unfulfilling. Although we both orgasm it is a bit clinical.

On a hygiene issue, the penis leaks wee onto his pants and trousers so i can often smell his groin. Also because the hole is on the side, his wee comes out at a 90 degree angle so is often all over the bathroom floor and sprays everywhere.

When I have asked him about circumcision he gets very distressed and says it's part of him and it is like him asking me to get a boob job. I don't think it is the same as that is purely cosmetic.

I love him so much but i really don't want this to be my sex life for the rest of my life. I just think he would enjoy sex so much more if he had a circumcision. Does anyone have any experience of this?

Okay, flame me for being dreadful...

Abitwobblynow Thu 18-Oct-12 09:33:30

Ocky if I have upset you I really apologise, let me know and I will pull my post.

The irony is I do postnatal support for NCT - it might shock people that I am good at it: new mothers come from outside my area to be reassured and soothed. So I will talk happily to you about traumatic births if you would like.

Hope your site is healing. Who did the repairs: a registrar? How long did you stay in hospital for?

MyDonkeysAZombie Mon 15-Oct-12 13:04:35

I'm not a midwife but good grief time and a place to rant?

whatthewhatthebleep Mon 15-Oct-12 13:00:08

So sorry....my post missed quite a lot of things...I was way off with my post...think MN didn't show me all pages properly so I was way behind in your story

Lovely news of your little boy...poor you for such a traumatic time of things though...I think wobbly has a point in that post though....seems there were many sign posts before you were lead into this situation happening to you????

Great news ref DH...hope he gets his appointment for this soon....new things on the horizon...great news all round grin

Hope you are feeling like your recovering now and starting to feel the enjoyment of your new motherhood journey....x

Offred Mon 15-Oct-12 12:07:17

Wobbly that is an awful thing to say and actually just incorrect. You know nothing at all about what happened with ocky's birth or pregnancy and it simply is not true that they must have known and deliberately mishandled the birth because of trying to reduce c-sections! How is that meant to help ocky feel better? You have no idea what went on and even if some of your assumptions about agendas were true it actually isn't true that they must have known the baby was too big, that it couldn't fit or even that that was actually the problem rather than the induction! Just wow!

whatthewhatthebleep Mon 15-Oct-12 11:12:05

there could be all sorts getting trapped in the space between the foreskin and his penis. The natural lubricants and sweat glands will be producing excretions and these will be stuck inside if he can't retract the foreskin to clean the area.

This is a major problem and he must see someone about it. He will have pain and it could be due to this alone, especially as you say even your tongue can cause pain at the end/tip area

Pee being trapped too...this is so worrying and I'm surprised he hasn't had infections before now due to the trapped excretions and pee getting trapped like this.

From a health point of view...he really must see someone about this. Embarrassment is just so silly to justify not doing this for himself and his health.

There was a section about this very issue on that programme about our bodies....a young guy with the same sort of issues....it was dealt with and sorted and the guy was delighted at the end....you should have seen the 'stuff'..yuk.... that was stuck in there when he first went to see about it.
I'd be thinking that if pee is getting trapped in there, then other things must be too....smeggy, cheesy yuk and that isn't going to shift by itself either....
Your DH needs to realise this is a very easily treated condition and dangerous to his health to be ignoring like this...really

Abitwobblynow Mon 15-Oct-12 10:44:28

Ocky I have been thinking and thinking of you!

Now this is what makes me furious about the NHS. You were CLEARLY well overdue, the scan measurements would have shown CLEARLY what a big baby he was for a first birth, they should have done a C-section in the beginning.

All that permanent physical damage and emotional trauma for you both, a highly distressed baby, for what? 1. Cost considerations, 2. over-powerful midwives. 3. ideology prevailing over realities on the ground.

Childbirth is far too politicised in the NHS and midwives have far too much say over the medical team.

[takes wooden spoon, stirs]

But how wonderful for your other good news. Lovely baby boy, and a big concession. He will be so much happier when it is done.

Arithmeticulous Sun 14-Oct-12 22:18:00

But has he been to the GP for a referral yet?

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Sun 14-Oct-12 21:33:02

Congratulations on your baby. I've read this thread and I think I remember you from another one where you were unhappy with your sex life. Apologies if that wasn't actually your thread, but if it was, it seemed obvious that the big problem was physical for your dp and I'm really glad he is going to have the operation.

I think you've been very patient and you obviously love him very much. He's a lucky man.

Hope that love life will improve for you after the op (though sex is probably the last thing on your mind right now!) and wish you and your family a happy future x

TinyDancingHoofer Sat 13-Oct-12 16:10:57

congrats!

Funnylittleturkishdelight Thu 11-Oct-12 21:43:13

Great news Ocky! Good luck!

dondon33 Thu 11-Oct-12 21:39:33

Oh Ocky I've been waiting for your update,
Sorry the birth was so horrific, sounds so scary shock I feel so lucky when I hear about births like yours, I've had whoppers relatively easy although what does that say about my fanjo ha ha
but big huge congrats to you xxx

Fab news about your DP, really hope everything works out for you thanks & wine

Offred Thu 11-Oct-12 21:09:55

Ocky! What an experience! Congratulations! smileI hope you are being taken care of! Glad things seem to be working out well all round in the end but what trauma to get there though! sad

I think you maybe need to read the thread cobwebby wink

So glad to hear the good news ocky and I hope you're recovering well grin

Oldandcobwebby Thu 11-Oct-12 20:07:17

I solved a similar but less severe problem with stretching and steroid creams. If he is unable to keep himself clean properly, I would beg him to see a doctor and get himself sorted. I know it will be embarrassing, but far better than possibly contracting penile cancer like my friend's dad did. Why suffer a painful sex life? Why let your partner suffer and worry? PLEASE talk to a doctor - in a couple of weeks, life could be so much better.

ErikNorseman Thu 11-Oct-12 19:53:21

Bloody hell!
Congratulations, I'm sorry to hear it was so traumatic. And wonderful news on the penis front grin

MushroomSoup Thu 11-Oct-12 19:51:37

Fabulous news all round! I hope you heal well and quickly x

Heleninahandcart Thu 11-Oct-12 18:34:17

Congratulations Ocky, fantastic news about your lovely DS. Enjoy him thanks

Donkeysdontridebicycles Thu 11-Oct-12 18:15:37

Delurking to send congratulations on your DS thanks hope you are healing okay and your DH keeps his word.

ockytockyonga Thu 11-Oct-12 18:04:42

Thanks smile

Doctors say next baby will have to be c-section. DP is relieved as he says he can't go through it again...HE CAN'T?! I know i bloody can't either smile

countingto10 Thu 11-Oct-12 17:51:11

Congratulations Ocky, you certainly went through it! Am rather grateful for my c sections!

His circumcision will be nothing compared to what you have been through (although DH did walk around with a sheet wrapped round himself for a week as he couldn't bear anything touching it grin).

Enjoy your little one and (hopefully in the not too distant future) new, fulfilling sex life!

GiserableMitt Thu 11-Oct-12 17:43:28

Congratulations on your baby, and the best of luck for the future smile

ratbagcatbag Thu 11-Oct-12 17:40:08

my DH was circumcised before he was with me, but done as an adult, he said it wasn't that bad and the relief once he'd had it done was amazing and to be fair he had nowhere near the level of discomfort your DP is having.

scarletforya Thu 11-Oct-12 17:38:50

Oh my God, your birth sounds so difficult. But many, many congratulations on your new baby!

I'm glad your husband has finally seen sense. I hope he doesn't change his mind.

Enjoy your new baby! grin

ockytockyonga Thu 11-Oct-12 17:32:43

Update!

Sorry it has taken me so long to update you, especially after you were all so thoughtful and kind to me.

SO, baby was 14 days late. I had to be induced. Had a 3 day labour culminating in forceps, but the babies shoulders were twisted in my pelvis. I was cut but also had bad rectal tearing. The whole thing was very traumatic. We thought the baby was dead as he was pulled out limp and grey. We had the crash team there. There was a lot of screaming (from me mainly i think!). The baby was fine though. A gorgeous 9lb boy. I had to go to surgery after and poor DP was left holding the baby as i was wheeled away.

He was sobbing. He said it was the bravest thing he had seen anybody do. He totally broke down.

Anyway, I was in hospital for a while and the day after the birth out of the blue (it was the furthest thing from my mind) DP said he would be circumcised. He apologised for making out it was such a big deal and said after what i had been through he felt a bit petty now. smile

That was 4 weeks ago and he hasn't reneged. He is still sure he wants it done.

I still don't think he understands that most people aren't circumcised though, and the reason their penises look different are because they can pull back their foreskin NOT because they were circumcised. He asked when DS was going to be circumcised, and i said he wasn't, he looked confused and said 'but then he'll have a penis like mine and wont be able to pull the skin back' <sigh> so i had to explain it all over again.

dondon33 Sun 16-Sep-12 10:59:46

Hi Ocky,
How's it going? surely LO must be here by now smile

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