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Can i convince DP to be circumcised...

(349 Posts)
ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 19:21:13

I know this is a controversial subject, but just wanted some advice. I have name changed as this is so personal I want to protect DP.

DP's foreskin does not pull back at all, not even a bit. He should have had it fixed as a child, when it started giving him trouble, but I don't think his Mother wouldn't allow it.

He is very sensitive about it and doesn't like to discuss it. We have spoken before but he gets very defensive.

Basically, because of the way his Penis is he doesn't get stimulation from the normal backwards and forward motion. He prefers a very tight grip at the tip with sort of circular motions. Because of this it means he doesn't get much out of PIV sex. I am either too tight and it hurts, as it pulls his foreskin back. Or i am too wet and then the grip is not hard enough.

But also because of this there are other effects. His penis seems to store wee in the end, so it smells bad. I really don't like putting it in my mouth as it tastes so bad - I have gagged and almost vomited before.

The only sex he seems to get decent stimulation from is if I hold a flat vibrator firmly onto the end of his penis. Also he doesn't really like kissing or oral on me. So he will use a vibrator on me in return. I am starting to find our sex life really limited and unfulfilling. Although we both orgasm it is a bit clinical.

On a hygiene issue, the penis leaks wee onto his pants and trousers so i can often smell his groin. Also because the hole is on the side, his wee comes out at a 90 degree angle so is often all over the bathroom floor and sprays everywhere.

When I have asked him about circumcision he gets very distressed and says it's part of him and it is like him asking me to get a boob job. I don't think it is the same as that is purely cosmetic.

I love him so much but i really don't want this to be my sex life for the rest of my life. I just think he would enjoy sex so much more if he had a circumcision. Does anyone have any experience of this?

Okay, flame me for being dreadful...

pebblepots Thu 11-Dec-14 16:11:16

I'd love an update on this !

LadyBlaBlah Thu 11-Dec-14 11:39:08

He is experiencing severe shame about this problem.

Please look up how to deal with shame - Brene brown in a good starting point.

You won't get through to him unless you deal with his shame.

Fingeronthebutton Thu 11-Dec-14 10:58:52

It reminds me of Napoleon when he would send a message to Josephine to tell her that he was coming home: meaning, DONT WASH.

Tobyjugg Thu 11-Dec-14 09:29:27

Well, that'll teach me to look at the date line, won't it.

Tobyjugg Thu 11-Dec-14 09:27:52

He may not require a full circumcision but this is a medical issue, not a sexual or cultural one, and needs to be sorted. Persuade him to see a doctor and get an opinion and a list of options. As for the pain issues, they do this sort of thing under anaesthetic you know, you no longer lie there biting on a bullet.

FWIW King Louis XVI of France had the same problem.

DixieNormas Thu 11-Dec-14 09:11:12

They all seem to be from 2012 as well

Joysmum Thu 11-Dec-14 08:52:55

THIS THREAD IS FROM 2012!!!!!!!!!!

Fingeronthebutton Thu 11-Dec-14 08:45:34

Dixienormas. Thank God I'm not alone in thinking this. I thought it was just me. It's so far removed from my world that I genuinely thought it was a sick joke.

crje Thu 11-Dec-14 00:35:36

Ds 19 was circumcised recently, had been borderline as a toddler .
It was no bother to him.
Day case , loose trs for a few days.

I hope you can convince him.
He will be sorry he didn't do it sooner.

DixieNormas Thu 11-Dec-14 00:27:40

Bloody hell I was nearly at the end of this thread before I realised it was a zombie

How many zombie threads today

Rioux Wed 10-Dec-14 23:47:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vycount Wed 10-Dec-14 22:13:39


NoRoomAtTheGin Wed 10-Dec-14 15:16:53

How about you both go together to your local sexual health clinic? They are very helpful and have 'seen everything' before. They even do contraception health there, and scans so a pregnant woman with her husband sitting there should/would not seem awkward.

Namechangeyetagaintohide Wed 10-Dec-14 13:07:56

Oh my god. Best typo ever !

dominogocatgo Wed 10-Dec-14 11:30:15

That's the usual place, Namechangey !

solidussnake Wed 10-Dec-14 10:25:54

OP, did your DP get the circumcision?

Namechangeyetagaintohide Wed 10-Dec-14 09:50:14

Wonder if the DP did get circumcised on the end.

minkymuskyslyoldstoaty Wed 10-Dec-14 09:26:29

old thread old thread

DavidBusi Wed 10-Dec-14 09:25:11

There CLEARLY is a reason for him to see a doctor and be referred to a qualified urologist who will no doubt tell him he should be circumcised and the sooner the better. Doctors should advise him to do this for his health and for your health. There is no way to clean his penis properly and this is unhealthy for both of you.

You don't need flaming you need support and he needs to be circumcised.

Men who are circumcised are NOT sexual cripples - their penises work just fine. Many Women PREFER men who have been circumcised and some Women insist upon it as a deal breaker.

Abitwobblynow Thu 18-Oct-12 09:33:30

Ocky if I have upset you I really apologise, let me know and I will pull my post.

The irony is I do postnatal support for NCT - it might shock people that I am good at it: new mothers come from outside my area to be reassured and soothed. So I will talk happily to you about traumatic births if you would like.

Hope your site is healing. Who did the repairs: a registrar? How long did you stay in hospital for?

MyDonkeysAZombie Mon 15-Oct-12 13:04:35

I'm not a midwife but good grief time and a place to rant?

whatthewhatthebleep Mon 15-Oct-12 13:00:08

So post missed quite a lot of things...I was way off with my post...think MN didn't show me all pages properly so I was way behind in your story

Lovely news of your little boy...poor you for such a traumatic time of things though...I think wobbly has a point in that post though....seems there were many sign posts before you were lead into this situation happening to you????

Great news ref DH...hope he gets his appointment for this things on the horizon...great news all round grin

Hope you are feeling like your recovering now and starting to feel the enjoyment of your new motherhood journey....x

Offred Mon 15-Oct-12 12:07:17

Wobbly that is an awful thing to say and actually just incorrect. You know nothing at all about what happened with ocky's birth or pregnancy and it simply is not true that they must have known and deliberately mishandled the birth because of trying to reduce c-sections! How is that meant to help ocky feel better? You have no idea what went on and even if some of your assumptions about agendas were true it actually isn't true that they must have known the baby was too big, that it couldn't fit or even that that was actually the problem rather than the induction! Just wow!

whatthewhatthebleep Mon 15-Oct-12 11:12:05

there could be all sorts getting trapped in the space between the foreskin and his penis. The natural lubricants and sweat glands will be producing excretions and these will be stuck inside if he can't retract the foreskin to clean the area.

This is a major problem and he must see someone about it. He will have pain and it could be due to this alone, especially as you say even your tongue can cause pain at the end/tip area

Pee being trapped too...this is so worrying and I'm surprised he hasn't had infections before now due to the trapped excretions and pee getting trapped like this.

From a health point of view...he really must see someone about this. Embarrassment is just so silly to justify not doing this for himself and his health.

There was a section about this very issue on that programme about our bodies....a young guy with the same sort of was dealt with and sorted and the guy was delighted at the should have seen the 'stuff'..yuk.... that was stuck in there when he first went to see about it.
I'd be thinking that if pee is getting trapped in there, then other things must be too....smeggy, cheesy yuk and that isn't going to shift by itself either....
Your DH needs to realise this is a very easily treated condition and dangerous to his health to be ignoring like this...really

Abitwobblynow Mon 15-Oct-12 10:44:28

Ocky I have been thinking and thinking of you!

Now this is what makes me furious about the NHS. You were CLEARLY well overdue, the scan measurements would have shown CLEARLY what a big baby he was for a first birth, they should have done a C-section in the beginning.

All that permanent physical damage and emotional trauma for you both, a highly distressed baby, for what? 1. Cost considerations, 2. over-powerful midwives. 3. ideology prevailing over realities on the ground.

Childbirth is far too politicised in the NHS and midwives have far too much say over the medical team.

[takes wooden spoon, stirs]

But how wonderful for your other good news. Lovely baby boy, and a big concession. He will be so much happier when it is done.

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