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Can i convince DP to be circumcised...

(349 Posts)
ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 19:21:13

I know this is a controversial subject, but just wanted some advice. I have name changed as this is so personal I want to protect DP.

DP's foreskin does not pull back at all, not even a bit. He should have had it fixed as a child, when it started giving him trouble, but I don't think his Mother wouldn't allow it.

He is very sensitive about it and doesn't like to discuss it. We have spoken before but he gets very defensive.

Basically, because of the way his Penis is he doesn't get stimulation from the normal backwards and forward motion. He prefers a very tight grip at the tip with sort of circular motions. Because of this it means he doesn't get much out of PIV sex. I am either too tight and it hurts, as it pulls his foreskin back. Or i am too wet and then the grip is not hard enough.

But also because of this there are other effects. His penis seems to store wee in the end, so it smells bad. I really don't like putting it in my mouth as it tastes so bad - I have gagged and almost vomited before.

The only sex he seems to get decent stimulation from is if I hold a flat vibrator firmly onto the end of his penis. Also he doesn't really like kissing or oral on me. So he will use a vibrator on me in return. I am starting to find our sex life really limited and unfulfilling. Although we both orgasm it is a bit clinical.

On a hygiene issue, the penis leaks wee onto his pants and trousers so i can often smell his groin. Also because the hole is on the side, his wee comes out at a 90 degree angle so is often all over the bathroom floor and sprays everywhere.

When I have asked him about circumcision he gets very distressed and says it's part of him and it is like him asking me to get a boob job. I don't think it is the same as that is purely cosmetic.

I love him so much but i really don't want this to be my sex life for the rest of my life. I just think he would enjoy sex so much more if he had a circumcision. Does anyone have any experience of this?

Okay, flame me for being dreadful...

NedZeppelin Fri 06-Jul-12 20:27:31

My partner had ballanitis and had a circumcision aged about 32. Bit of discomfort for a few days but best decision by far and I much prefer it tbh.

diddl Fri 06-Jul-12 20:29:52

"He thinks all men are the same. Not physically, but wee and smell the same."

Blimey!

Sorry, but what does he think the point of peeing in a toilet is if it goes on the floor?

BertieBotts Fri 06-Jul-12 20:35:26

His reaction, I mean, saying he doesn't need treatment - it sounds like he's thought "Circumcision - no way!" and hasn't stopped to consider alternatives or even seriously think about the benefits of it. Which is understandable - but perhaps worth some extra research on his part.

Sorry if I've read this wrong.

tigercametotea Fri 06-Jul-12 20:36:05

The episode of Embarassing Bodies mentioned upthread can still be viewed here m.channel4.com/4od/embarrassing-bodies-live-from-the-clinic/series-2/3372025

The patient in question is Sam. The vid of the operation is somewhere in the middle of the clip. Not for the faint hearted...

If that's the sort of problem your DH has, OP, it really is very unhygienic. Please get him to see a doctor.

ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 20:37:49

Well it doesn't all go on the floor. He holds it at an angle and usually the majority will go in the loo. The end part sort of dribbles around and if he's distracted or half asleep a lot will be dispersed.

Anyway, I know it is grim, but the wee on the loo floor is the least of the concern. I am more worried about our sex life and his health.

msrisotto Fri 06-Jul-12 20:41:42

My husband had a tight foreskin problem (not a long term thing). He could have had a circumcision but both of us were against that if possible. He had a z cut (can't remember the proper name for the operation but it was described as cutting a z shape) and this worked perfectly. We are very happy with the outcome and he still has his foreskin! Best of luck.

ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 20:43:35

bertie he hasn't thought about any alternatives as he doesn't think it is a problem. I suppose I have been too accepting. But I would feel awful if someone said something about my body.

Then again, if there was a flap of skin over my fanjo that made sex less enjoyable and my pants smell of wee then I would have had it sorted by now.

I think he's being horribly selfish and childish tbh.

OhNoMyFanjo Fri 06-Jul-12 20:50:54

He thinks all men are tge same...has he never watched porn?

ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 20:51:50

So is it reasonable to say I want him to go to the GP and that our sex life isn't nice for me because of it? How can I convince him?

BigBoPeep Fri 06-Jul-12 20:52:57

yeah but IF he gave you oral, would he want it encrusted in pee??? No? well...

ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 20:54:43

ohno Sorry, I said not physically the same, he knows that they aren't from seeing other men. I meant he thinks they miss the loo, as a lot do, and their pants smell the same.

ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 20:57:02

BigBo No he wouldn't, which is why he understands why I don't give him oral either. If neither of us do oral he doesn't see the problem.

FarrowAndBollock Fri 06-Jul-12 20:59:22

Sorry OP, but that sounds hideous. I think he is being an utter wimp. If I think of all the nasty things the average woman has done in order to have children/smears etc, then he really needs to get a grip.

nocake Fri 06-Jul-12 21:05:34

A bloke here again... I never miss the toilet. I don't smell of pee and I don't leak. DW is reading over my shoulder and agrees. Please tell your DH from... you don't have to live with leaking, dribbling, missing the toilet (and the moaning from the DW that goes with that wink)

ShowOfHands Fri 06-Jul-12 21:05:36

Both DH and BIL have had a similar problem though less severe. Both had problems with the foreskin tearing where it tried to retract during sex and both ended up with scar tissue and problems. So they both had an op, the same op. No circumcision necessary. It took 10 days to heal and both (one I know for fact, one anecdotally) have fully functioning foreskins.

It hurt, yes. It was embarrassing, yes. But they did it and it was worth it. No problems since for either of them.

Would he go along to a GP and at least discuss the options?

Busybusybust Fri 06-Jul-12 21:05:59

^As i said we don't often have PIV and I don't put it in my mouth anymore. He is happy with that as long as he doesn't have his penis messed around with.

And as I said in my OP he doesn't give me oral either^

Aw OP, you are having a half-sexlife! Just for a simple - over-in-10-minutes operation!" He will be a totally new man in a couple of days! Honestly, he will thank you for insisting!

I simply do not understand why a couple of posters are saying that you shouldn't go on sex strike! He needs a wake up call. This IS NOT RIGHT! (sorry to shout!)

ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 21:06:36

Oh dear. I have just watched the embarrassing bodies bit. I feel quite unwell now. But, no, DP's penis does not look like that. The hole in the foreskin on Sam in the video is far more open than DP's. DP's is skin is stretched over the end and round to the side, where the hole is pointing at a 90 degree angle and you cannot see the penis head underneath at all.

God I feel like I am really betraying him talking about this.

ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 21:12:53

Thanks nocake but to be honest, every man I know/have been with has missed the toilet occasionally (which is why mens loos stink).

However, as i've said, I'm not as bothered about the mess as I am the sex.

I'm not sure sex strike is even an option. After watching that operation on embarrassing bodies I don't think I want to go near DP again. I feel quite nauseous just thinking about it.

Oh god, what am I going to say?

OhNoMyFanjo Fri 06-Jul-12 21:13:43

I can understand why you feel like tgat but I truly believe if he gets it sorted he will wish he had done it years ago.

OhNoMyFanjo Fri 06-Jul-12 21:15:24

Tge truth, you love him but he has a problem and you cannot let him kid himself any longer. He must go with you to tge go for a full and frank discussion.

nocake Fri 06-Jul-12 21:16:14

I've just asked DW if I've ever missed the toilet in the time we've been together. She says no...

ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 21:18:03

I'm frightened he will say no. What will I do then? I love him so much. I can't bear this.

ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 21:20:50

Well nocake may I congratulate you on your impeccable aim smile

Even my dad misses often occasionally.

OhNoMyFanjo Fri 06-Jul-12 21:21:45

That's what you tell him....you may need to give him some time, tell him to go away and think and come back with his plan of action

I've not seen it but would it be a good idea to let him watch the embarrassing bodies link?

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