Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Can i convince DP to be circumcised...

(330 Posts)
ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 19:21:13

I know this is a controversial subject, but just wanted some advice. I have name changed as this is so personal I want to protect DP.

DP's foreskin does not pull back at all, not even a bit. He should have had it fixed as a child, when it started giving him trouble, but I don't think his Mother wouldn't allow it.

He is very sensitive about it and doesn't like to discuss it. We have spoken before but he gets very defensive.

Basically, because of the way his Penis is he doesn't get stimulation from the normal backwards and forward motion. He prefers a very tight grip at the tip with sort of circular motions. Because of this it means he doesn't get much out of PIV sex. I am either too tight and it hurts, as it pulls his foreskin back. Or i am too wet and then the grip is not hard enough.

But also because of this there are other effects. His penis seems to store wee in the end, so it smells bad. I really don't like putting it in my mouth as it tastes so bad - I have gagged and almost vomited before.

The only sex he seems to get decent stimulation from is if I hold a flat vibrator firmly onto the end of his penis. Also he doesn't really like kissing or oral on me. So he will use a vibrator on me in return. I am starting to find our sex life really limited and unfulfilling. Although we both orgasm it is a bit clinical.

On a hygiene issue, the penis leaks wee onto his pants and trousers so i can often smell his groin. Also because the hole is on the side, his wee comes out at a 90 degree angle so is often all over the bathroom floor and sprays everywhere.

When I have asked him about circumcision he gets very distressed and says it's part of him and it is like him asking me to get a boob job. I don't think it is the same as that is purely cosmetic.

I love him so much but i really don't want this to be my sex life for the rest of my life. I just think he would enjoy sex so much more if he had a circumcision. Does anyone have any experience of this?

Okay, flame me for being dreadful...

You don't need a flaming OP, but your DH does need to be a little less sensitive about this

He needs to realise that it could eventually cause him problems, and having a curve to it can't be good!!

I don't have any advice on how to deal with him though. My DH has a tight foreskin, but not to the extent of yours. We both enjoy PIV sex, but he can only come in one position, so it can get a bit boring. Thankfully he does worry about that, and makes sure I'm happy wink we have discussed him getting snipped a few times (not even a full circumcision) but he won't consider it

thinkfast Fri 06-Jul-12 19:30:13

That sounds tough. Would he be willing to see a doctor just to discuss the options if you promised not to pressurise him to get an operation afterwards? A doctor might be able to put him in touch with someone who's had successful treatment to discuss it...

Busybusybust Fri 06-Jul-12 19:33:14

Oh my goodness me! Poor him (and poor you!) This sounds absolutely dreadful. I can't help thinking that he is storing up general health problems here.

I regard routine circumcision of baby boys as almost on a par to female circumcision - it's just not necessary.

But sometimes circumcision IS necessary. My younger son, aged 8 was circumcised. Poor little lad - it took him ages to pee and it got very sore from time to time. It was day surgery (and it would be for your husband) - they just wanted him to pee before he left. It was a little sore for a couple of days - but I'm pretty sure he is 'functional' these days (aged 26)!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please try to make him go to the dox! If he won't - consider a sex strike!!!!

Actually I think he may be risking some quite serious illness - try googling!

OhNoMyFanjo Fri 06-Jul-12 19:34:22

From the title I was ready to say you were out of order. But this is a medical problem. Can you convience him to at least see a gp? From my understanding if tge flow isn't coming out straight it is viral to see the gp.

OhNoMyFanjo Fri 06-Jul-12 19:35:27

Btw are you sure it is 'only' his foreskin affecting tge flow?

OhNoMyFanjo Fri 06-Jul-12 19:36:25

Pps I think you should link to health it's really a health issue.

ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 19:36:26

When we were trying for a baby and we'd been trying for a while, We thought maybe the foreskin was stopping his men getting up there. So he said he would have it done. Then a week later I had a bfp. And i know it sounds awful, as i was over the moon, i did think oh damn!

The moment he knew i was pregnant he said there was now no need. So we were back to square one.

The doctors is a good idea though think maybe i will suggest it. But I think he will say no as he is fine with it the way it is.

countingto10 Fri 06-Jul-12 19:37:50

My DH had a circumcision at 29 for similar reasons although not quite as severe as your DH's sounds. Best thing he ever did and he really prefers the look post op. we could only have sex in one position and I could not/was not allowed to move otherwise it caused DH pain etc. He had it done privately.

As I said to him at the time, we women have to be prodded about with smear tests, having babies etc so it was the least he could do to improve our sex life.

diddl Fri 06-Jul-12 19:39:39

But he wouldn´t be having it done for cosmetic reasons, would he?

I can see why he wouldn´t want to do it, but I do think he should look into it.

HappyCamel Fri 06-Jul-12 19:40:11

I think you do need to talk to a dr, maybe on your own first to understand the options. I had the opposite problem, DP had a circumcision as a child and it scarred badly and he struggled to get enough stimulation to keep it up. If he does go for it keep the wound clean and get an infection sorted straight away. I'd hate for him to go from one problem to another.

ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 19:40:46

ohno What else could be affecting the flow? I am worried now.

Well physically I suppose it is a health issue but I thought the sex part made it more of a relationship one. As he assures me the doctors have always said it is perfectly fine. But I think he would say anything to not talk about it.

FannyFifer Fri 06-Jul-12 19:42:51

If he is leaking wee onto his clothes then surely he should ensure all is urine free after doing the loo, use toilet paper to wipe have a wash etc.
There is no excuse to be stinking of pish.

Most men will also have a bit of a wash of their penis before expecting a blow job, only manners.

If he is peeing sideways then there is something not right, however if he is pissing all over the bathroom why the hell is he not cleaning up after himself ffs!

ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 19:43:33

I have tried that approach counting and he has pretty much said as long as he can orgasm and so can I then it's fine. Also as he doesn't really enjoy sex, i'm not sure if a strike would acheive anything.

OddBoots Fri 06-Jul-12 19:43:49

I don't know much beyond anecdote but I do know a friend's son had a little 'v' cut out of the foreskin rather than a full circ to relieve tightness, maybe if he knows this is an option he might be happier?

nocake Fri 06-Jul-12 19:45:54

I'm a bloke and I'd really encourage him to see his GP. Please don't go on to him about circumcision but please do encourage him to go to the doc. Being unable to clean under his foreskin is obviously a problem now in terms of personal hygiene but it also leaves him massively more susceptible to infections and cancer. It's better to get it sorted out now than to have serious problems later.

Despite what he says it's not fine. He might have played it down with a doc in the past but he needs to get it sorted. It's not normal to be unable to retract your foreskin enough to clean under it.

ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 19:46:26

Yes fanny but even after a bath, pee dribble out. It seems to store in the skin at the end and as the hole is so small and tight it doesn't get washed inside.

Yes the cleaning up is an issue, especially at night when he's half asleep sad

SirSugar Fri 06-Jul-12 19:47:56

If you don't have DCs, which from your post would seem unlikely, I'd be inclined to tell him to get the snip or its over. How do you live like this? You cannot compare it to a boob job

mercibucket Fri 06-Jul-12 19:48:30

Think there are other options including 'stretching' - if you google it's a common problem and there are websites of blokes who fixed it in various ways (used to have a bf with similar prob and remember googling it)

mercibucket Fri 06-Jul-12 19:48:30

Think there are other options including 'stretching' - if you google it's a common problem and there are websites of blokes who fixed it in various ways (used to have a bf with similar prob and remember googling it)

ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 19:48:36

Thanks nocake how would it affect cancer? I am getting horribly worried now.

countingto10 Fri 06-Jul-12 19:49:02

He really needs to see a doctor. My DH was offered at sort of half circumcision where they cut the top of the foreskin and leave it but DH didn't like the sound of that and thought it would look peculiar so opted for the full circumcision. Was a bit painful post op but after a week, never looked back and said it was the best thing he had ever had done - obviously we have been swinging from the chandeliers ever since wink

AdventuresWithVoles Fri 06-Jul-12 19:49:03

Men do not like their bits fiddled with.

I would approach with mix of sticks & rewards. The sticks is scare stories of what can go wrong if it festers. Rewards: Promise to get some very sexy moments & outfits if he'll speak to doctor with you in the room & allowed to contribute to discussion, & even better rewards if he'll agree to an appropriate procedure.

Princessdivaaa Fri 06-Jul-12 19:49:16

I think you have to concentrate in the health issues with your husband (rather than the sex).

If he gets wee trapped and it smells I would think that he is unable to clean himself sufficiently and this could cause alsorts of health problems for him (and you)..

good luck..

ockytockyonga Fri 06-Jul-12 19:51:16

I've approached stretching as I looked up possible solutions. And well if he thought circumcision was a no no, stretching was completely and utterly unthinkable. If I even lick the hole area a bit thoroughly he winces in pain.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now