I think my husband hates me

[NaturalOptimist]

Sorry, not really posted before and don't know where to start. My husband is so horrible to me, I feel like I cry every day. He just came home from work and said he was going to put the rubbish out. I asked him (nicely!) to add a piece of cardboard that was in the garden to it and he got so angry with me. Said I should pull my thumb out and do it myself, that I'm selfish, always making demands on him. I work full time and do 90% of the housework, rush home from work to look after our DD (18 months) so he can go to work part-time. I feel so isolated, no family in the UK, never go out and have any fun. He says it's because I'm so selfish that I don't have many friends, but I don't think I am. I try to be kind and treat other people with respect.

Crying so much, I can't see to type.

[OneLieIn]

Oh dear, sorry to hear that.

Firstly, don't cry over cardboard, it is really not worth it :)

Can you sit down and talk about it to someone?

[Herrena]

He sounds like a proper arse and a bully. How long have you been married? Has he always been like this?

[EclecticShock]

He's awful to you. He shouldn't speak to you like that. Are you happy with him generally?

[NaturalOptimist]

We've been married 2.5 years and he has been like this since our DD was born. We are happy sometimes but hardly spend any time together as he works Mon-Thu evenings and then goes out Friday and Saturday nights with his friends and sleeps all day on the weekend, so I am often very lonely

[AnyFucker]

Your husband is an abusive bully

I don't know whether he hates only you, or hates all women

But I certainly hate him and you would do well to find a way to leave him

[bushymcbush]

Why are you doing 90% of the housework if you work more hours than him? Shouldn't it be 50/50 at the very least?

[NaturalOptimist]

It's not the cardboard :) It's his tone. He speaks to me like I'm a piece of dirt on his shoe. Yet I own the house, earn the money and pay all the bills

[EclecticShock]

Do you want to leave him?

[NaturalOptimist]

I think he's a bully too.

There is no way he would do 50% of the housework. He would rather go hungry than cook a meal for himself when I am in the house.

Thank you all for your comments. It's so nice to have someone to talk to.

[EclecticShock]

You own the house, earn the money and pay the bills and HE tells you to pull your finger out? You can do much better, please consider leaving him.

[AnyFucker]

Just tell him to leave.

He is a cocklodging abuser with no respect for women. That is a terrible example to set to your daughter. Get fucking rid of him before he teaches her this is all she can expect from a relationship.

[EclecticShock]

Why do you out up with this... You really don't have to.

[EclecticShock]

Do you have family that can help you when you leave him?

[EclecticShock]

It certainly doesn't sound like he likes you or loves you. I'm sorry.

[NaturalOptimist]

I don't know if I want to leave him. This is my second marriage and I really wanted it to work this time. I did love him very much at one point but he has really worn me down and I can't imagine being like this for the next 20-30 years. However I have my DD to think of and I have absolutely no support in the UK so feel like I have to put up with it for at least a few more years until my DD is school age.

[carlywurly]

He sounds like an utter waste of space. I'm so sorry for you, you sound lovely and so sad.
He's contributing nothing, not making you happy, being rude and neglectful and I seriously would get rid.

Meanwhile, join some clubs or activities and meet some people. It sounds like you need a good support network and I bet you'd make friends easily.

[EclecticShock]

You dont need him, he's causing problems and not supporting you in any way.

[AnyFucker]

Why Just why

This is about the third thread in quick succession I have read where women are accepting abuse from men. What went wrong ? Why do women still question themselves about this shit in 2012 ?

How many more decades have to go by before they stop doing that ? How many more generations ?

< throws self on floor >

[EclecticShock]

Can you take your dd to where you have support?

[crazyhead]

He does sound awful and you sound too good for this situation.

Since you're earning the money and doing the housework and childcare, it sounds like the main thing you'll lose by getting rid of him is the abuse.

[EclecticShock]

AF, everyone's situation is different and it's not as straightforward when you're in it, although I agree with your point.

[NaturalOptimist]

AnyFucker - I have thought about this, I really don't want my daughter to think that my marriage is a blueprint for her to aim for.

Apparently last weekend, I was a 'selfish cunt' for wanting to leave my DD with him while I got my haircut as he had been planning a siesta.

[EclecticShock]

It's not your fault that it hadn't worked. He's a bully, cut your losses and leave.

[EclecticShock]

I don't see anything worth staying for, do you ?

[NaturalOptimist]

AF - I know. I can't believe I am in this situation. Trying to be objective about it, I think I've taken a complete knock to my confidence so although in the relationship is bad, out seems slightly worse.

My support is in Australia. Not even sure i would be allowed to leave the country with DD? Let alone how my husband would react if I tried to do so.