Feel I can hardly stand another weekend

[BizzieLizzy]

Dh and I are separating. We have been married nearly 13 years, two dc aged 11 and 9. It's been crap for ages and ages (no affection, no sex, he's controlling and makes me feel guilty about everything, he's a lot older than me) but he's a good dad.

I spent years telling him I wanted out, but he did everything he could to make me stay. Finally I said something to the kids (he'd been adamant they weren't being affected, of course they were). They've taken it well, seem more relaxed actually, and he's accepted we are separating.

We had what looked like a great buyer for our house and pushed ahead with purchasing smaller places each. The house I want to buy is lovely and I could see myself being really happy there. Then our buyers pulled out, about ten days before we were due to exchange. They'd misled us and really messed us around.

Now the house is on the market but there is little interest. Dh and I have been living under the same roof, sleeping in the same bed, for nearly four months. It's actually not that different to how it was before, except he talks to me a bit less and goes out more.

I can't stand it much longer. I want so much to be free and move on with my life. I am so depressed and feel so desperate. I'm starting to hate him. I'm also terrified I won't be able to buy the house I want - I've already paid out for solicitor etc but that's not the main problem. There is hardly anything suitable for us in the area that's within our budget. I will really struggle to find anything else.

This could drag on for months and I feel I have nothing to look forward to. I'm so low I find myself doubting whether I have the strength to follow it all through, though dh has drained the life out of me for years. I look in the mirror and I look so old and miserable. I can't remember the last time I felt happy.

Anyone been here?

[susiedaisy]

This horrible bit will be over, trust me you can get through this and move on, I have been there sharing the same bed with my then H but barely any communication relationship completely broken down just waiting for him to be gone from the family home, it's vile but the thought of being stuck in the unhappy miserable marriage forever was far worse, me and the dc are so much happier, keep going you will get through this.

[BizzieLizzy]

Thanks susie. Dh could move out and rent somewhere but it's such a waste of money and we can't afford it. And I'd feel really guilty. And I don't want to be here any more anyway, this life is over.

Are you OK now?

[susiedaisy]

The dc and I are fine thanks been on our own now for around 18 months and doing ok atmosphere in the house has transformed

[susiedaisy]

Bump for you

[lazilou]

why dont you move out and rent for time being, surely would be better than being miserable, kids can either stay with dad or go with you. it would only be temporary

[queenofthepirates]

oh sweetheart, could you rent out your house and find something else until the market picks up?

[Feelinggloomy]

Hi, I'm in a similar situation to you and know how awful it is. My ex-DP and I decided to separate nearly 2 years ago, but we're still living in the same house. Like you, we had buyers for our house, but they pulled out. Like you, I found a house I really liked, but the seller changed her mind and decided she didn't want to sell it after all! It's really hard to find something in the area I want with my budget - I've been looking for ages and only found this one house, and am giving up hope of finding anything else I like.

Living with ex-DP is horrible. I feel so despondent, as if I can't move on with my life. I wish I could say more to help you, but I'm struggling to cope with the situation myself. All I can say is that you're not alone, and I really hope things improve for you soon.

[SoDesperate]

I am where you are right now. I have been here for more than 2 years. I know, I do really understand. Just try to believe that you didnt get that house because you are meant to have an even better one!

Things happen for a reason, I try to believe anyway :) Times are hard but it will get better!

Take care of yourself. [hugs]

[WritePear]

Could you at least change the bedroom arrangement?

Can your children share for a while and you have your own room?
Could you share with one of the kids?
Failing that, change the double for two singles?

[susiedaisy]

Another bump for you x

[janesnowdon1]

So sorry for you OP - I am likely to be in the same position very soon. So have been considering some ideas - could you agree to rent your current house out and sell later? .
The mortgage will be changed to a buy to let and can release about 80% of the equity in the house to each buy elsewhere (the rental on your current house needs to be at least 15% above the mortgage payment with the new BTL mortgage). tou can darw up an agreement to split any residual income and increase in equity (if any) on eventual sale.

Is there a second reception room or could you split a through lounge back into 2 rooms (I may suggest this to P)to use as bed sitting room for one of you. If you have a sofa bed in there it should not affect the house value/effect for viewings.

Get 2 single beds like couples in 1940's films!

Good luck

[captainmummy]

Agree with others - you really neeed to get out of the marital bed! Can you or him sleep in a reception room? Even single beds in your bedroom is better that rubbing along in the same bed.

[WetAugust]

I had 3 years of it

Felt like my life was totally on hold.

One thing I did learn - I will never ever be that situation again. My post-divorce house is my house and will never be shared with anyone ever again.

[susiedaisy]

Yep completely agree august my house is my house