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Startingagain trying to move forward, without nightmare EXP

(783 Posts)
startingagain88 Tue 15-May-12 14:46:41

New thread for my ongoing journey of trying to detached from my nightmare, exp while trying to hold on to my sanity sad

Old thread here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1437647-Starting-Again-Moving-Forward-Onwards-and-Upwards

MaBumble Tue 15-May-12 20:00:44

I agree Izzy. The soliciter may have assumed that as Starting is currently not working, but he has his own business that this has always been the case. And the twunt won't have told him any different. Let him rack up legal bills, he doesn't have the cash to take it very far.
It's hard, but it's now going to be a waiting game.

Thermalsocks Tue 15-May-12 22:16:17

Hi Starting. Hope you are feeling reasonably ok tonight after such a shock and all the inevitable let down and worry.

I'm sure, like others have said, he has no real case. If he had he would have made his move 8 (short) weeks ago. He has had to resort to very desperate measures. What was he trying to get in for? Was it for a key to your property/garage?

I also don't think you need to be worried at all for your personal safety tonight but I can imagine how alone you feel.

I so hope you have made contact with a RL person and that you manage to get some sleep. XX

only4tonight Tue 15-May-12 23:39:11

Hi starting. I hope all is calm on the whitstable front

RoxyRobin Wed 16-May-12 00:52:34

Goodnight, dear. Still thinking about you xxx

startingagain88 Wed 16-May-12 01:14:26

Hi everyone,

Thank you all so very very much for your support over the last few days......you are all my rock at the moment xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm ok atm, i spoke to an old work friend tonight, who always cheers me up she lives tup north.

Had a really good cry earlier, haven't eaten anything today though, and i don't know how im going to sleep.

He tried and tried to get money out of me and now he sees he not going to get it, he is trying the legal route, since he has left he has bullied and manipulated me, trying and successfully making me feel frightened, scared and so so alone.

You are right ladies, it has to stop, i have to take the power back, i have to protect myself, i cannot believe a word he says he is a liar and a cheat. Yes this is sad, for HIM, he will realise one day the damage he has done and how low he has stooped.

I have already started to move forward with my life and now i will continue that journey and start looking to my future not cling on to the past x

Cathynclaire Wed 16-May-12 01:26:03

Hi Starting, sorry to read the latest turn of events.

He has really shown his true colours now, and as MaBumble said, he wanted to move back in to further his claim for money from you.

Catkinsthecatinthehat Wed 16-May-12 01:26:24

I'm glad that you are feeling stronger. I'm full of admiration after the terribly upsetting day you've had. Try and get a good night's sleep.

RachyRach30 Wed 16-May-12 02:00:00

Your amazing girl!

Glad your friend cheered you up. You have been so much over the past few months. You have been tested but you have coped with it all. You know you can cope with this now. It's only another of his tirades on you, you've been dealing with them so long. You will be ok... You are much stronger that you were at the start.

Are you asleep?

startingagain88 Wed 16-May-12 02:16:37

Thank you Night Owls!! I have had a crappy evening, but tomorrow is a new day!

I am more able to cope with the ups and downs now, simply because i know they are going to happen.

Am trying to get to sleep, (i'm on the sofa tonight) but Bully is snoring in my ear smile

MaBumble Wed 16-May-12 05:36:52

He's been playing you like a fish on a line, so that if he decided. To land you, you'd be so exaughested you'd not put up much of a fight.
Now cut that line, get angry. You're not some bloody weak minnow!!

I had a thought last night, but didn't post as I thought you'd had enough for one day.
I reckon the 2k wasn't for a job, or the OW, it was to pay his legal costs!
Yup, I reckon he'd had a first session, realised it was going to cost a small fortune and decided to make you pay for it.

The man is weak, selfish to the core and not worth spitting on.

Cathynclaire Wed 16-May-12 06:21:47

I agree with MaBumble about the 2k being for legal costs - I'm sure the solicitor would demand some money up-front for such a weak case. Let him use it all up by drafting letters, as has been said earlier.

Hope you are feeling better today Starting.

meredeux Wed 16-May-12 07:35:05

Starting - why did he grab the garage key? Is there something in the garage that he particularly wants?

RoxyRobin Wed 16-May-12 07:50:14

Morning, dear.

A lovely bright new day up here. Hope it's the same in Whitstable - ideal for a fresh new start. Though you'll feel like a wrung-out dishrag at the moment.

It hadn't occurred to me before, but MaBumble's suggestion seems very plausible. A quick search led me to this: 'Unfortunately in the current economic climate solicitors have to obtain monies upfront otherwise they end up chasing or even suing their clients for monies owed. If a client can't afford the monies upfront it is unlikely that they can afford to fund proceedings.'

What a dreadful irony it would have been if you had handed over the money only for him to use it to try and screw half your assets out of you.

As you said, he has turned into a monster. At least you now know - far from being your friend, he's your enemy, and you can act accordingly.

I feel so angry on your behalf, Starting. I've just been snappy with DH - I'm in no mood to indulge the male gender at the moment! xxx

TheLastNameLeft Wed 16-May-12 07:57:00

I was thinking about the garage too meredeux..does seem odd. Can you think of what he might have been after in there starting?

Anyway good morning to you, the sun is shining here is Surrey, hope it is for you today!

and sorry Roxy but I laughed thinking of your poor dh getting it in the neck because of startings ex grin

what an utter bastard he is! True colours are showing now. This is the man he is. Please keep notes of everything, log all contact with police.

He is horrid.

Today is a new day - the sun is shining (for now) and its time to get on with your day.

captainmummy Wed 16-May-12 09:01:36

Well done for changing the garage door lock too! Not sure I would have thought of changing that as well as the doors to the house.

Does he think he still has tools or something in there? If so, you need to get them out and either sell them or dump them on him. (according to value! grin)

MadAboutHotChoc Wed 16-May-12 09:01:41

Is the garage attached to the house?

Thermalsocks Wed 16-May-12 09:31:27

Morning Starting. Hope you managed to get some sleep.

Going to be gorgeous day so maybe you'll feel a bit better.

Well ex must have got money from somewhere.
Bet he has a lovely hangover today, realising that Plans A, B, C and D have all failed and he has now burned all his bridges!
Only has one doomed and very expensive route to go down now.

Maybe he wanted to sleep in the garage! Then he'd be on hand to work on you.

Catkinsthecatinthehat Wed 16-May-12 09:39:39

Agree with MaBramble and Roxy - the solicitor probably wanted evidence of funds and ability to proceed. That's why he went from "I'll take you on a date darling" to "give me money NOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!" just before the appointment.

Can I just say what an utter utter shit he is? Not that you need reminding!

Have the police said they'll warn him off?

MaBumble Wed 16-May-12 09:48:27

I do reckon he wanted to set up camp in the garage, if it's attached to the house he may have had some mad idea of claiming he resides there. Another thing, if he still gets any official post send it back. Prefably with the OWs address as that was his most recent. Also inform the Electoral register that he is no longer there since the date he left.

southlundon Wed 16-May-12 09:50:37

Shit Starting - I've missed the end of your old thread and didn't see the last bit about him supposedly wanting to try again, and I've just caught up now and actually slapped my hand across my mouth in shock when I read about what has just happened yesterday.

Bloody hell I wish I lived nearer - I would come and make you brew and biscuit and talk it through with you. But I'm in the NW. Have you managed to get hold of your brother? I hope you can get a message to him somehow.

And comeone above mentioned about using Collaborate as your solicitor as they seemed to give you excellent advice previously. I do hope you're not using the solicitor who seemed to be suggesting you offer NightmareExP some 'compensation'. Bollocks - it's all yours.

Take care - chin up!

MaBumble Wed 16-May-12 09:51:40

God my spelling on this phone is awful!
I guarantee that you will one day look back at this time and it will feel like it all happened to someone else.
And you WILL be happy!

Catkinsthecatinthehat Wed 16-May-12 10:08:20

Also, get him off the Council Tax register - as a sole resident you'll get a 25% discount and you need the money at the moment.

And check your credit record to make sure no loans/cards have been taken out at your address.

You may want to speak to Victim Support, Women's Aid or your local specialist PCSO if you have one about securing your home better. If he's scaling the gates can you stick spikes on top or something? Preferably with deadly poison on the tips.

you arent allowed to put metal spikes on top of gates nowadays, BUT you can get plastic 'nail' type strips that are very sharp and that would deter anyone scaling a gate. wink

Contact your local DIY store and get some asap.

Hope you are ok this morning.

Catkinsthecatinthehat Wed 16-May-12 10:40:33

Jax you're a spoilsport! If Starting can't have poisoned spikes can she revert back to my suggestion on the older thread of a giant spud gun and flame thrower? grin

Starting, can you also let HMRC and the DVLA know he's gone, as if he's self-employed with a works van and on his uppers, I wouldn't be surprised if he ran up tickets, didn't pay tax and insurance etc? Print off one of those 'people to inform when you're moving' checklists and work through it. Eliminate all connections to your address.

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