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Startingagain trying to move forward, without nightmare EXP

(783 Posts)
startingagain88 Tue 15-May-12 14:46:41

New thread for my ongoing journey of trying to detached from my nightmare, exp while trying to hold on to my sanity sad

Old thread here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1437647-Starting-Again-Moving-Forward-Onwards-and-Upwards

AnyFucker Tue 15-May-12 17:54:14

starting when you are going to stop saying "he lied to me" and getting upset about it, so much so you say "can't stand it any more" ?

it's like it's a new revelation for you every time

I cannot fathom why...the best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour, so why does he keep managing to "surprise" you with each new example of his baseness ?

are you going to take any advice from this thread yet ? You haven't so far

MaBumble Tue 15-May-12 18:05:44

Starting he's been lying to you for 15 years.
He is not the man you thought he was, it was an easy act while you were supporting him. As soon as he thought he was a big business man (never believe your own publicity) he screwed you over.
He's desperate now because his sordid little fantasy had come crashing down.
And do you know what? that's not your problem anymore

Thermalsocks Tue 15-May-12 18:14:49

Oh no, you poor poor love, Starting.

That is a shocking and frightening thing to have happened. I'm sure that is more than trespass as he had made it clear his home was now with OW and he has no claim on it.
I think the police will take it very seriously especially as you have already logged an incident.

At least you now absolutely know his true colours sweetheart and that if his lips are moving he is lying.

I don't think he was with his solicitor. He seems very angry and probably bluffing. Had he been drinking?

No he doesn't seem very bright. He must have realised that if he had only kept working on you more gently, you would have probably crumbled.

Wonder if OW will now emerge again.

Could your sailing friend come and visit for tonight? Would Bully attack if you ordered him?

If you feel up to it get all your paperwork, dates, invoices sorted and ready.
Take care xx

Tattymum Tue 15-May-12 18:18:06

HeyStarting I have to de-lurk to tell you that when I read your thread yesterday, I was really worried that he would win you round with promises that he would in time break. But what a twat!
Couldn't even hide his money grabbing ways to take you on a date as offered only last night.... God I wish I lived near you I would be at your door with a bottle of champagne to make you celebrate that you didn't fall for it.
I was married to one like him 20 years ago now have lovely H and DS. Champagne on ice in south London if you're ever up this way!

PooPooInMyToes Tue 15-May-12 18:25:01

Have the police been yet?

Xales Tue 15-May-12 18:26:02

One small step at a time Starting.

You will survive. You will be stronger. Just like when he left you only a couple of months ago.

You had already started to detach so it will not take you as long to get back on an even keel.

startingagain88 Tue 15-May-12 18:39:30

I feel awful, a little part of me believed that he still loved me, but he is a fucking monster, he lied, he is just after an easy life.

The police have been and taken some information from me the incident has been logged, my solicitor spoke to his solicitor so it was all genuine, he is going to try and crush me into the ground, i know it he doesn't care how i feel.

I feel so lonely, i cant get hold of anyone on the phone.

PooPooInMyToes Tue 15-May-12 18:46:41

Poor you sad

Leave messages for people to get back to you as soon as they can.

Were the police sympathetic? Are they going to do anything or talk to him?

I was wondering, when it comes to actually figuring out if he is owed anything, who actually does that? The solicitors? A judge? I've not a clue how that works!

Thermalsocks Tue 15-May-12 18:55:12

Something seems to have happened to make this sudden change in his tactics.

He must have realised he could have played a waiting game with you. You were back in his web.

Either it is OW pulling his strings, or he really is too desperate for money to be able to wait. All he's earned has been pissed up the wall or gone on extravagant 5* breaks.

Keep trying that phone and cuddle Bully. xx

startingagain88 Tue 15-May-12 19:01:36

I agree, he did seem desperate for money, but then he has been working the last few months so he should have some, he was going on about selling his car last week.

He has his van and his tools, and he is ready for work, he just has to get off his ass and get it

Helltotheno Tue 15-May-12 19:04:10

It's time for you to toughen up now, it really is. You've got to fight for what's yours. In all your threads, I've never seen real anger from you, only upset and disbelief, and that's really worrying because you're going to need to get seriously angry now.

AF is right, all this new stuff shouldn't be a surprise to you. He's done so many horrible things to you from the start that, in all honesty, the fact that he's nothing but a twunt should've registered with you by now.
Your self-esteem has taken a bashing and you should maybe consider counselling just to let it all out somewhere.

You're no more to him than dog crap on his shoe. Please grab the bull by the horns here and vent your fury.

izzyizin Tue 15-May-12 19:04:36

He hasn't got a hope in hell claim in law but that doesn't mean the twunt won't instruct a solicitor to try it on. However, as he won't get legal aid and as he's unlikely to find a lawyer who'll offer a no win/no fee deal, this allegedly impoverished twunt will have to pay a substantial sum for legal services.

Given that the last time you spoke to your solicitor it seemed that they weren't up to the job of seeing off a spurious claim, I would suggest that you make it clear that you don't want them speaking to the twunt or his solicitor about this matter.

You say the incident has been logged by the police? What has it been logged as - forcible entry, trespass, harassment? And what do the police intend to do about it?

Helltotheno Tue 15-May-12 19:05:25

Not your problem any more. Seriously you're too interested in this prat. Stop trying to second guess his moves, just shaft him.

I know you feel awful now but in future you will see his behaviour as a good thing because you are finally really waking up to what he is really like. I've been dipping in and out of your threads since the beginning and this guy has USER written through him like a stick of rock.

You need to put up better boundaries with him as he should not be in a position to push into your house - be on guard against him - he is not your friend. Read up on abusers - the reason the women on this thread can tell you how things are likely to play out is because these guys are all reading from the same script. They are predictably awful unfortunately.

No contact is the golden rule and once you have distance from him you will see him a lot more clearly and will probably be surprised at things you put up with and red flags you missed (plus you'll feel a lot better - it's a lot less stressful when these idiots are gone from your life)

Can you go and stay with your brother for awhile? Or go for a short break somewhere?

cenicienta Tue 15-May-12 19:06:27

He doesn't care, you're right. But lots of others do and we'll all be here to help you through this.

He's angry! He's desperate! He needs money! That's all he can see right now.

Deep breaths! You know he isn't entitled to anything. He really really isn't!

Not legally! Not morally!

Have you been in touch with Collaborate again?

Please keep posting x

Catkinsthecatinthehat Tue 15-May-12 19:06:30

Starting,
Hang on in there. If you can't get hold of anyone IRL, then keep posting here and we'll support you.

Just remember, if he was in discussion with his solicitor when your solicitor called to warn him off this afternoon, then he'd already pre-arranged that appointment some time ago. You don't just wander in off the street and get an immediate meeting with a lawyer. This was planned and organised in advance. Regardless of whether you would have fallen for his lies this afternoon, let him in the house, forgiven him or given him money, he'd have still popped out for that secret appointment. It's all about the money, nothing more, nothing less.

I'm really sorry that you've had such a horrible time this afternoon, but I'm glad that he really has let the mask slip.

MadAboutHotChoc Tue 15-May-12 19:06:41

Oh that must have been really upsetting - have you got a bolt for both doors?

I hope you have now learnt not to stay in contact with him or fall for his tricks.

What did the police say?

RoxyRobin Tue 15-May-12 19:17:09

In a way something like this had to happen for you to go forward free of lingering hopes and doubts. He's smashed your illusions good and proper, and you've seen the essence of the man - and it's pure poison. God knows what the real truth is and who cares. I despise the disgusting creature and I've never even met him.

You can now draw a thick black line under him as far as the emotional side of things is concerned, and concentrate on keeping his grubby tattooed mitts off your property.

A rollercoaster indeed - I feel dizzy myself with all the twists and turns, and god knows how you must be feeling, you poor thing xxxxxx

midwife99 Tue 15-May-12 19:19:16

I predict another u turn love. I'm sorry, you just really wound me up ...... I didn't mean it - please meet me so we can sort it out etc etc hmm

izzyizin Tue 15-May-12 19:20:17

I would suggest you don't go anywhere until you know what the police are going to do, and if the twunt has instructed a solicitor you can expect a letter by the end of the week.

Catkins has it right. He would have booked an appointment sometime last week - well before he did his 'I've made a terrible mistake, it's you I really love' act and tried to sucker you in by drinking lemonade with a sneaky double vodka poured into it while claiming to be an alcoholic who could only dry out with your money love and help.

If you'd taken him back last night you'd have been basking in a rosy post-coital* glow today and would no doubt be planning to cook his favourite supper while he was in a solicitor's office discussing whether he had a chance of screwing you financially.

*<<boaks at thought of going where the ow's been>>

only4tonight Tue 15-May-12 19:33:01

Oh love. Is this your old solicitor or collaborate?

MaBumble Tue 15-May-12 19:35:37

He may well have even been advised to try and move back in to the house in order to make a claim.
He won't have told that solicitor all the facts, he won't have told him that he contributed very little, he won't have told him that you set him up in business.

TheLastNameLeft Tue 15-May-12 19:45:14

Starting, really genuinely hope you are ok, you must be in bits tonight X

izzyizin Tue 15-May-12 19:47:12

Exactly, Ma, which is why Starting is best advised not to panic and not to rush to throw good money after bad on solicitors fees.

If she brings any letters pertaining to this matter here, replies can be drafted that will ensure he racks up a large bill before she instructs a solicitor - although, IMO, that won't be necessary.

MaBumble Tue 15-May-12 19:55:17

Starting you will get through this, it's horrIble and distressing for you, but you will be ok, I promise you.

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