If your life is mundane and boring ... here's what to do!

[KirstyWirsty]

So .. got in a taxi this morning and the taxi driver passed comment on the For Sale sign outside my house .. I told him that my husband had an affair and that is why the house is going on the market

He proceeded to tell me that he had been in the same boat .. but that he had been the one who had had the affair .. and he 'wasn't sure why men did this' (WTF??)

I said to him that surely he must know as he had done it .. he said that when you first get married everything is great and then you get to know the other person too well and it all becomes a bit mundane and boring!!!

I suggested to him that maybe a bit of effort would have stopped that instead of just going and shagging someone else ..

He said to me that it was ok for me though as I was young enough that I would be able to get someone else. Told him I wasn't interested and was happy to go out with my friends .. he said to me .. 'Yes you're adapting but it's not what you would want'!!!!

Needless to say I think he is regretting opening his mouth ..

I really do wonder how these men manage to run the rest of their lives .. surely work is mundane and boring? (The same go-getter is driving a taxi!) Surely going to the pub to talk about football every week is mundane and boring??

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I think you got an honest assessment there. A lot of people do stupid things when life gets tedious. Some turn to drink or drugs to alleviate the monotony, others go on spending sprees with money they haven't got. Why is it so bizarre that others might look for physical excitement with another human being?

[Charbon]

I think you got an un-reconstructed sexist assessment there Kirsty. The cab driver obviously believes that no woman's life is complete without a man in it and that your new life will just be treading water until you manage to snare a new one, but that your youth and looks will increase your chances. Given his views on why men cheat, I wouldn't have expected much more. In his world women's whole raison-d'etre is to look good enough to get a man and then keep him entertained and interested enough so that he never gets bored. Of course you are quite right that the responsibility lies with both people in a relationship to keep it fresh and alive and that the person who gets his thrills outside the relationship rather than trying to work on creating thrills within it, is immature as well as self-deceptive and dishonest.

Just chalk it up to the ramblings of your average Sid-the-Sexist and perhaps be a bit wary of getting into his cab again, because the personal nature of the conversation made me feel a bit uncomfortable when I was reading it.

[KirstyWirsty]

Cognito Marriage vows are supposed to mean something are they not? It's not 'til I get a bit bored with you'?

Oh he was an older guy Charbon.. I wasn't in any way intimidated .. just angry!! He asked the question about the house - I was the one that offered too much information .. I think he regreted outing himself as an adulterer

Obviously my life isn't complete without a man in it and as you said I am just treading water until I am lucky enough to have one pick me out of my (rather enjoyable) single life.. when he said that I replied 'I don't need another lying bastard thanks' he had the cheek to reply 'All men aren't like that'

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

They're supposed to mean something but people are human beings and human beings can be selfish, impulsive, all kinds of things. If it were otherwise, the divorce rate would not be as high as it is. Boredom isn't the only reason marriages fail, of course.

As for really wanting another man... well. Taxi drivers aren't exactly the last word in feminism, are they?

[CupsofTeaAndHandfulsOfCake]

That taxi driver sounds like a complete moron.
Suprised his wife had sex with him, how he managed to find anyone else to do it as well is a mystery!
Good luck with the house move and new start x

[sandyboots]

Kirsty can I just add that you sound great

It is sad how people have affairs rather than look at their own stuff. I was recommended a book here called sudden endings which I found v interesting.
Good luck for the move your life will get better and better, believe me

[tightwad]

This really depresses me.
Bieng what i would call "happily married" i feel that i am just waiting for it to go tits up, which does depress me.

So far so good...or so i think, but who knows. Now infidelity or major probs but cant shake this thinking that is entrenched that it will go tits up inevitable.

Im quite resigned to it, and cant get too excited about it. I have a plan for when it does...how sad is that!

My dad did it, i have an uncle that is a serail twat, its every where isnt it.
sigh.

[tightwad]

inevitably sorry .

[Kaluki]

God!
I hate that attitude - if your marriage isn't all bells and whistles and non stop shagging then its time to move on.
Real life is often dull and the sooner people accept that fact the better.
I know two lovely people who are splitting up because "he isn't happy". They have 2 small kids a mortgage and jobs - same as most people, so he isn't feeling happy and contented every day, so their marriage must be over.
Well bloody hell who is happy all the time? Marriage is a commitment for life. You can't just bail out and look elsewhere because its all a bit dull and mundane.
Rant over - as you were .....

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

So you're suggesting that being unhappy but staying married is a good solution?

[KirstyWirsty]

Thanks Sandy

Cogito.. Real Life will never be like a Disney movie or like an action film every day .. doing washings and housework and gardening aren't the things that blockbusters are made of but unfortunately they are part of life!

I saw something the other week it said 'The grass may be greener on the other side but if you chose to water your own garden it would be just as green'

Both partners need to make an effort to maintain the relationship.

As it is my H is a proven liar so I am well shot of him and would never consider a reconcilliation as a result

[Kaluki]

Of course not Cogito.
I think people sometimes confuse unhappiness and boredom. Life can be mundane, couples aren't going to be constantly loved up but surely you shouldn't throw in the towel (or shg someone else) just because your marriage lacks excitement at that particilar moment!