distemper or anyone else with advice to give, I have C&Pd the email I sent to my solicitor this morning; what do you think? He did get a warning letter- which my solicitor sent when I first went to her last yesr in march! I didnt proceed at that time because i didnt realise the divorce would take this long/ she thought as there is no violence it wouldnt be successful and because he is not always this awful-he can go months where he is bearable and not drinking. Bearable, never helpful and engaged, but nice for the kids to have around
^Hi XXX,
I have had a pretty horrendous bank holiday weekend and last night I was sure that I was going to ask you to apply for an Occupation Order, to have XXX removed from the house. On reflection this morning, I am thinking that the process will probably take as long as getting the Consent Order sorted out?
XXX has been drinking for 6 days returning to the house to sleep between 2am and 6am. As you know, this disturbs my sleep with his crashing and banging around in a drunken stupor. He preceeds to keep me awake with drunken snoring. One morning over the weekend I woke, to find he had shit all over the toilet seat and the bathroom floor. Last night he came home at 2am and knocked over my bike, he slept on the stairs covered in vomit. There was vomit all over the hallway floor and walls, the rug is sodden and will need to be thrown away. He had also vomited in the sitting room, on the sofa and the floor. I use my bike for transporting my children to school and nursery and for commuting to work; This morning it was unrideable because it had been damaged where XXX has knocked it over. My cycling jacket is also covered in vomit. He hasnt washed or changed in 6 days and has been sleeping in his clothes. Him and his room smell of alcohol and faeces.
My concerns are;
Safety
? He is still sometimes, leaving the front door unlocked when he arrives home in the night drunk.
? He doesn?t shut the baby gate at the top of the stairs which is a danger to my 18 month old daughter who regularly gets up in the night.
? XXX was supposed to be minding XXX (the youngest) on Monday afternoon so that I could take XXX to an activity at 5pm. He arrived to do this drunk. I obviously didn?t leave the baby with him and she came with us. His attitude was that I was being unreasonable in that he had interrupted his day/plans to look after the youngest because I had said I wanted to go out without her; I was then being awkward and wasting his time, because I didn?t need his assistance after all.
Effect on the Children
It is not Ok for either child to be witnessing any of this. Particularly the eldest, at 7 years old she is very aware of what is going on. I don?t want her to think that his behaviour is in any way normal or acceptable and whilst he is living with us, this is the message that she is receiving. It is important for her to know that this kind of behaviour is intolerable within a marriage, family or any kind of relationship at all. It is also very difficult in terms of having her friends round to play, in that XXX may arrive at the house or surface from his room at any time, drunk, hung over or stinking and covered in vomit. I cannot expose other people?s children to this. And XXXs social development should not be allowed to be stunted by her alcoholic father?s behaviour.
Also, the effect that XXX?s behaviour is having on me, is having a knock on effect on the children;
Effect on Me
XXX does NO household chores, and in fact creates more for me in cleaning up his bodily fluids and mending broken stuff/ buying replacements. He does nearly no childcare at all, certainly not on a regular or frequent basis.
XXX has not slept through the night for the last 6 months. It is quite usual that doesn?t go to sleep until 930-10pm. She often wakes numerous times in the night and can be awake for 2-3 hours at one time.
After she has gone to bed in the evening, I need to clean and tidy, do laundry and prepare for the next day e.g. packed lunches/nursery and school bags and equipment/ work paraphernalia, on line grocery shopping, bill paying etc etc. I cannot usually get to bed before midnight.
In order to be washed and presentable and get eldest to school, youngest to nursery and me to work by 9am, I get up at 630am.
This in itself is a very tiring schedule and I am finding it increasingly difficult to cope with the added night-time disturbance and stress, that XXX creates. I am constantly exhausted, dizzy and nauseous with a headache. I have been on anti-depressants which have not helped. My GP has done numerous blood tests and deemed that I am healthy apart from a Vitamin D deficiency.
Clearly being in a constant state of exhaustion, stress and anxiety, I am not being the mother to my children that I could and should be. I really need to divert my energies away from the negative demand that XXX is, and channel them into positive input for the children