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I think my husbands cheating

(305 Posts)
fizzyizzy Thu 05-Apr-12 19:47:10

Oh God. Hes just gone out to a clients house and I have been tidying his wardrobe. I wasn't snooping. I looked in his gym bag - its so like him to leave his dirty gym kit in there and I've found a phone. It's not his phone, I've never seen it before. There is no reason for him to have another phone. I'm worried that this is a secret phone. That he's having an affair. I can't believe im writing this. He is the a great husband and a brilliant father to our three month old little girl. We are happy and we hardly ever argue. We've been together 8 years we've been through so much together. But I have this niggling doubt. My hearts pounding. What do I do????

SophieNeveau Thu 05-Apr-12 19:50:34

Dont let him know you found it, do not confront yet. put everything back as it was.

countingto10 Thu 05-Apr-12 19:50:54

Anything on the phone? Dh had a secret second phone to conduct affair - texts from ow.

Try and stay calm.

Tiago Thu 05-Apr-12 19:52:07

Is there anything else that makes you worried, or is it just the phone (which I admit is a bit odd, but there may be a reason - I have three phones in total now)

SuePurblybiltFromChocolate Thu 05-Apr-12 19:56:46

Well I would turn it on and have a good look. But that may not be a popular view.
Then I would put it back, as Sophie says.

fizzyizzy Thu 05-Apr-12 19:56:52

I'm suspicious because he would tell me if he had another phone. Im looking a this phone and I KNOW I've never seen it before. I think I need to get myself a glass of wine and try and calm down a bit. I'm shaking.

FuckedOfftotheFarSideofFuck Thu 05-Apr-12 19:59:51

Fizzyizzy - there could still be a reasonable explanation - phone found on gym floor or something like that.
Does it look like an old or new model?
If OH went through my handbags, he'd find a tiny phone that I had years ago (though doesn't look TOO dated) 'cause I loved that 'phone and haven't got rid of it!

UnhappyLizzie Thu 05-Apr-12 20:00:37

Wow, there's a lot of it about...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1440162-Found-a-mobile-phone-in-hs-bag

Not being flippant but if you're impatient for answers you might want to read that thread while you wait. This does obviously look dodgy for you but you need to think about how to address it. If you take the bull by the horns and confront him and he IS cheating he will start to cover his tracks instantly; if you don't you can cast a cold eye over his behaviour and look for any more evidence.

In your position I would take the phone, and hide it. Not even mention it. And see if he says anything. Then you have time to think about what you might do with/about the phone. If you don't want to get rumbled you could always get a stranger to 'hand it in' at the gym later.

FuckedOfftotheFarSideofFuck Thu 05-Apr-12 20:00:57

I agree with Sue, I'd turn it on to have a look on it before replacing it.

Proudnscary Thu 05-Apr-12 20:01:45

Yes try to stay calm.

It is possible that there are other explanations, it really is. Though of course you are right to be suspicious.

Definitely, definitely do not confront him. Do some more snooping.

Any changes in his behaviour or routine?

Triphid Thu 05-Apr-12 20:08:58

UnhappyLizzie's right. Best to say nothing and hide it for now. Buy yourself some time.

fizzyizzy Thu 05-Apr-12 20:10:41

Ok glass of wine firmly in hand now. I know what I'm like. I will have to look at this phone before he gets back. I won't be able to sleep/ do anything, think of anything until I have but I'm scared to look. I'm scared of why I will find. I don't know how I will react if i do see something I don't like. He hasn't been acting any differently. The only slight change is that he has been doing more work lately in week day evenings and at the weekends (he's a self employed financial advisor). But I just put that down to him taking on more work to support our little girl. There were no trust issues before this but this feels different. There's something not right bout this. I'm starting to panic.

Chubfuddler Thu 05-Apr-12 20:13:29

Switch it on and check for texts and call log for a start. If its pin locked I'd take a reasonable guess at the pin - if you know his ATM card pin it's probably the same. If you have a camera take photos of the phone screen displaying any texts. Write down any unknown numbers dialled or received from it.

Drink the wine.

Chubfuddler Thu 05-Apr-12 20:14:27

I wouldn't hide it. He'd know and of there is anything afoot you don't want him to know you know yet.

ElephantsAreMadeOfElements Thu 05-Apr-12 20:15:10

You're starting, to panic, you've made three posts about it, but you haven't even turned it on yet?

MadamFolly Thu 05-Apr-12 20:15:33

Turn it on and have a look, no sense beating yourself up over 'ifs'

<holds hand>

fizzyizzy Thu 05-Apr-12 20:15:36

It looks like a new phone. He's used bits of other peoples phone numbers in his pw before now so I will try out a few.

SuePurblybiltFromChocolate Thu 05-Apr-12 20:15:40

Absolutely, don't let on you've found it yet.

UnhappyLizzie Thu 05-Apr-12 20:18:03

Really feel for you OP. The panic must be horrible. Enjoy your wine, but don't get drunk and do something you'll regret.

There might be an innocent explanation, but what you've called your thread says it all.

I've read lots of threads like these. Try not to panic or confront prematurely. KEEP YOUR POWDER DRY. If you think this is a suspicious phone you need to have it in your possession. Don't replace it. If it's dodgy, what's he going to do? Ask you about it? No, he won't, but you can see if he looks panicked. You can see if he calls it. Put it on silent. See if anyone else calls/texts it. If it's innocent, you can get a mate to hand it in at the gym saying she found it in the street outside/on the stairs, whatever.

Good luck.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee Thu 05-Apr-12 20:18:50

I am sorry you are going through this - no matter what they outcome, it's still horrible right now x

nolongeramug Thu 05-Apr-12 20:36:00

I really hope there is an innocent explanation fizzy. Everyone is here for you if not, to hold your hand no matter what happens.

monicamary Thu 05-Apr-12 20:36:09

Just offering my support.I am hoping that there is an innocent explanation for this.

Bohica Thu 05-Apr-12 20:47:22

Oh no, I'm really sorry you are going through this. I second finish your glass of wine but not the bottle and turning the phone on.

fizzyizzy Thu 05-Apr-12 20:50:09

I got in. He's used part of his mums number as the password. Doesn't look good. There are texts dating back to January that basically leave little to the imagination. I cant believe this. I don't know the name or recognise the number these texts have been sent to. What a mess. I never thought I'd be in this situation. How could he??? We have a baby FFS!L why the hell did he marry me and have a baby with me if he was going to do this! I so hope I'm wrong about this I really do.

lifechanger Thu 05-Apr-12 20:51:53

Oh god how awful for you - so sorry. You need to keep your head right now. Have you decided what to do next?

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