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Feeling a bit crap about me and DD what can I do tomorrow to lighten things up?

9 replies

freshstart · 04/02/2006 23:03

Today I collected DD from her Grandmas (she goes there once a week as her access to see her Dad - it takes place there)

When I got there she said she didnt want to come home. I said you have to Im afraid darling.

She then wrote me a little note saying "I really want to stay" I said Im sorry you cant

She then added to the note "I hate you"

We were then ok in the car on the way home but due to me being pretty stressed out at the moment (general stress + have been looking after my 4 yr old niece for a fortnight and her puppy) once we got home it just seemed like one argument after another with all three of the kids. At 9.30 they were all crying, bedtime just wasnt happening DD was trying to kick DN out of her room and was being pretty nasty to her. I lost my temper with all of them and said some not nice things, things that a nice mummy shouldnt say. Anyway, quickly glossed over and gave them all kisses, told them I loved them and eventually got them all settled.

Have been left with a feeling of guilt all night and worried that our relationship actually isnt that great at the moment and she probably would rather be at nanas who has endless time, attention, fun things and patience with her.

What can I do tomorrow that can help get us back on a positive even keel?

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biglips · 04/02/2006 23:05

how old is she?

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freshstart · 04/02/2006 23:05

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fireflyfairy2 · 04/02/2006 23:09

Ice-Skating? A trip to the park, cinema? Ice-cream and chips??

My dd is 4 and would love all the above

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SHHHH · 04/02/2006 23:10

Remember: tomorrow is another day. Without waking her go and give her a kiss now and I would whisper that you love her so at least you can put your mind at ease tonight.

You are only human and sometimes life does make us do and say things we regret.
Your dd does love you and she knows you love her very much. She is your dd and will always know this whatever.

When you get up tomorrow I would say you were sorry about what you said yesterday and just explain that mummy is a little stressed at the moment, then I would ask dd what she would like to do for the day..maybe give her some suggestions to choose from. Like going to the park,shopping,going to the cinema etc. Whatever you decide to do put todays problems behind you and have a lovely mother and daughter day.

HTH. X

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biglips · 04/02/2006 23:11

i would buy one of those cake kit packet to bake with your little one and maybe go to the park as im surely that she will forget all about it tmrw as Dps DD who is 6.. always sobbing her eyes out when we go and pick her up from her auntys (as she like to stay over the night to play with her cousins) but the following day shes fine!!!

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freshstart · 04/02/2006 23:13

Thats what I think we need a lovely mother and daughter day. But with 2 year old brother and 4 year old niece staying it probably isnt going to be possible to do much that she would really, really enjoy (she would be THRILLED to go ice skating, but I couldnt manage with three)

Also, had arrangements for DH to take the kids to his mums as they are just back from a cruise so as the plan stands only niece will be with me tomorrow but I feel that its wrong to let that go ahead and its more me and her that need the time together.

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emsiewill · 04/02/2006 23:30

If it would be difficult to go out with all 3 children, would it be possible to do something in the house with just you and her - something that would play on her being the oldest, and "the best one to help me", so it's you and her working together doing something, but keeping the other 2 involved?

The cake making thing could work - you be 'in charge' of ds, and her 'in charge' of dn (hmmm, obviously don't let dn get wind of this). Not sure how exactly you can do it, but the point is it's you and her working together.

And as for saying bad things, we've all done it, believe me. I can be the nastiest horriblest mum in the world (I've been told), but they still fight over who sits next to me at the dinner table, and who sits on my knee when we're watching TV, so don't worry. It's not a bad thing for her to learn that people sometimes say things when they're stressed / angry / upset, but that they can apologise and move on.

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freshstart · 05/02/2006 00:00

Thanks

I have just sat and hand made 3 star charts for them all.

Going to sit in the morning and apologise for my rattiness and get them enthusiastic about earning stickers. Reckon if I can lighten the general mood in the house the rest will flow.

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freshstart · 05/02/2006 00:01

emsiewill, thankyou for posting - I briefly read your post before about your DD and to be honest saw a few similiarities to my own DD.