Help me, I feel so angry with my baby

[Echocave]

Please help me I don't know what to do.
I had my baby around 5 months ago. Just before it one of my parents died. Pregnancy was difficult because baby not very healthy.
Baby born quite small and had major feeding problems and weight loss. I was determined to breast feed. It has been a disaster. I've been very emotional about it. Have posted before in feeding about it. Problem is my baby makes me feel so so angry when it won't feed. That frustration has spilt out into everything else / if the baby is grouchy and doesn't want to play I feel frustrated and annoyed.

I went to gp 2 months ago because I felt so upset all the time, was sent to psychiatrist and then for therapy. Which is ok but doesn't seem to stop me feeling so disappointed in my baby and so angry sometimes. Would anti depressants help me? I'm at the end of my tether again.

[Goawaybob]

Please please go to your doctors, anti-depressants may well help you. You are calling your baby "it" you sound like you have PND, i really think you need some help honey. No one will judge you but you need help to bond with your baby so that you can enjoy him/her

[Bangtastic]

Why don't you stop trying to breastfeed? When it is affecting your mental health, and feelings towards you own baby, then it is time to stop in my opinion. It's doing more harm than any good it can ever do right now, isn't it?

[homeagainhomeagain]

I din't want your post to go unanswered. Very sorry you feel this way, if it helps just have a rant on here and let it out. Also ( I may get flamed for this) you have done very well to bf your baby for 5 months, you can ff if you choose to. I managed to bf for a day...

[homeagainhomeagain]

sorry, quite a few cross posts

[StickingLaboutin]

I think you need to go back to your GP and explain to them what you have explained here.

It sounds like you have had a difficult time and need some extra support.

[Goawaybob]

I am also very sorry for your loss Echo - you need to be kind to yourself, stop pretending things have to be perfect, they don't. You have just lost a parent at such an important stage of your life (i lost my dad when i had DD so i know how you feel, i also had PND), have you had any counselling for this loss? I worry that your lack of bonding with your baby is due to a protection mechanism and you are not allowing yourself to get to close in case you lose him/her. Please speak to someone, your HV or doctor, they will be able to help i promise

[JennyPiccolo]

You poor thing. It's very overwhelming in the early days without having to come to terms with a bereavement. I think you should seek some medical advice with regards to antidepressants. Let the doctor decide if you aren't well. In the meantime, try to get some support. Tell your friends how you are feeling. Do things that will make your life a bit easier, sod the housework etc, just concentrate on bonding with your baby.

[Bproud]

I am so sorry for your loss, it must be really hard for you. It sounds like you are really struggling - where are you at with the therapy, is it still ongoing? Are you able to tell your therapist how you feel about your baby?
If you don't feel that the therapy is helping you must go back to your psychiatrist or GP this week and let them know how you feel, you need urgent additional help.
Are you getting any other support from your partner, family or friends?

[homeagainhomeagain]

There should be a helpline you can call so you can speak to someone tonight if need be. Definitely go back to your gp

[Echocave]

I'm only calling my baby 'it' to try to keep some details private. Sorry. That isn't how I see my baby at all.

[Goawaybob]

Yes and five months is brilliant for the BF, you have given your baby a brilliant start in life - all his immunity he will have gotten from you will really set him up.

[thisisyesterday]

oh OP :( you poor thing.

am glad you are getting some help though, I think that anti-depressants could well help, perhaps see your GP again tomorrow if you can?

with regard to the feeding, do you have real life support? I haven't seen your thread in feeding, but will go and have a look....

[alto2]

If baby has been mostly breast fed for five months you've done very well and he or she has had most of the benefits that breastfeeding can bring. Not so long ago we were told we should be weaning at five months anyway. You need to look after yourself so that you can enjoy the baby.

I think five months is a difficult time, you've been putting the baby first for ages and she still can't even sit up without you. I remember getting a baby nest for her so that I could occasionally get my hands free.

Definitely try some antidepressants, they may give you enough relief from tension to benefit more from your therapy.

[Goawaybob]

Oh, ok Echo, im sorry i just worried that you were having bonding issues with him/her. I still think you need some help with things, ADs may well help you - talk to your doctor. Stop BFing now, you have done enough - you wont undo the good you ahve done by stopping now. Wishing you all the very best xxx

[izzyizin]

Are you articulating your feelings about your baby when you're attending therapy, or are you using the sessions to alleviate your grief at one of your parents dying? Which parent, btw?

Have you now got your baby on formula and is s/he beginning to thrive? All babies are unique little individuals and some can be grumpier than others but it's usually just a short lived phase they go through caused by colic, teething, or simply a wet nappy or an empty tummy.

As it seems probable that you are suffering from pnd, get yourself to your GP's surgery tomorrow and don't leave until you have seen a doctor and said what you have written here.

[bumbleymummy]

I would recommend going back to your doctor too. As for the Breastfeeding, you may find that the pressure eases a bit when you start weaning and it becomes a bit less intense. You are doing a great job and you should be proud of what you have achieved so far.

[thisisyesterday]

can i just say, if the OP wants to give up breastfeeding then she should. she HAS, as pointed out, done a brilliant job

but I am not sure any of us should be saying "give up breastfeeding now"

i was told that over and over again when DS1 was strugglign to feed. I eventually did give up, and I felt even worse. the one thing I wanted to do and I couldn't do it. it made me feel really, really shit.

the decision to continue breastfeeding or not is one that only the OP can make. She may not want to give up!

[Sunnywithachanceofshowers]

OP, no advice but hugs to you xxx

[Kayano]

My
Baby would breastfeed either

I ff now and am much happier. I felt frustrated and looked at my baby with dread when it came to feed time

There is far too much pressure put on women to choose bf over ff to the detriment of the women and their mental health IMO

It pisses me off

[izzyizin]

Hear, hear, Kayano - and also to the detriment of babies' welfare too.

This is your thread on b/f OP: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/1416362-Over-and-out

After 5 months, I wasn't able to produce sufficient milk to meet my baby's needs and I had no alternative but to use formula for top ups.

[izzyizin]

Forgot to click to convert links: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/1416362-Over-and-out

[bumbleymummy]

I'm with tiy - no one should tell the OP to give up bf any more than anyone should be telling her that she must not give up. BF can be really hard and it's a bloody good accomplishment to stick with it! The OP has done really well to get this far in spite of problems and I think it's a bit dismissive to just say 'give it up' or suggest that there's no point in continuing.

[Kayano]

She should consider giving up though if she is getting angry at a five month old baby

The pressure to bf and all the literature can make women feel a failure if they don't, when they are no such thing

The op has done fantastically bit now needs to consider all her options be it bf, ff, expressing or mix feeding.

I really feel for op because I was the same, I wasn't enjoying my baby and was very distressed until a kind midwife said to me that it was ok to do what I needed to feed and enjoy my baby and keep my sanity. She threw the mw and hcp recommendations out the window because she was concerned for me

Have you had any further thoughts op?

[Echocave]

Thank you all for your replies. I express the majority of my baby's feed. What upsets me is the physical wrangling with the baby when it wants a faster flow (and I think might know a bottle is on it's way).
Giving up would make me feel a failure but I'm in danger of it becoming a trigger for anger over anything else the baby does that is not ideal (ie being a normal sometimes grouchy baby).
So weaning might well help a lot.

I'm so ashamed of myself though. It's one thing to be upset about breast feeding (and I do think there's a lot of pressure to do it). But I've behaved so badly and been so miserable for so long, it's terrible. I'm so afraid I will look back at my maternity leave with regret.

[hiddenhome]

Please get some antidepressants. They will make such a huge difference to your life and help you to bond more with your baby. The relationship with the baby is more important than the breastfeeding. You've already managed to feed for longer than most people, so please try to regain your health now. I've been on antidepressants for over a year now and they've been a lifesaver.