Starting Again, Moving Forward...Onwards and Upwards ! :)

[Startingagain88]

Following all your wonderful messages of love and support since my partner of 15yrs up and left for OW, my previous thread reached the 1000 post mark and so i'm starting this new thread with a more uplifting subject title!!

Its only three weeks in since EXDP left and so i know i have a long way to go...but slowly each day I'm feeling more positive and believing that my life can be wonderful without him!

Here's the link to my old thread -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1421736-In-shock-cant-quite-believe-it-Long-Sorry

[Startingagain88]

Lat post on previous thread..........

Thank you Liars and Lyssa, I need a kick up the arse here.... im going about my day feeling quite positive and then pow! he calls and im down again...... im now continuing to do some things around the house.......

I find that doing something physical helps me walking the dog, cleaning the house, doing the garden, going for a drive......its when i sit down that i start to think!! I need to think about what i want for MY life, not what he may or may not be doing with the OW , which really is none of my business.

Ive signed up to do a beach tidy on saturday...hopefully meet some nice local people...im seeing Pinkwellies on Friday night and my brother is coming on Sunday and I''ve got lots to be doing this week....... thinking about signing up for a pottery class as well.....

Psychologically i think four weeks from him leaving (next monday) will be a milestone for me......i will have had time to process things, sort out paperwork, get the house in some sort of order.......next week ....looking for a job and getting firm ideas on the loft and getting the paintbrush out

Im going to have to start a new thread as amazingly its now been 1000 posts THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT

[fedupofnamechanging]

Hi startingagain.

Following on from your previous post about your ex's passport - I think you should gather up everything of his that is immediately obvious to find and set fire to it in the garden tell him that he has to collect it today or it's going to the tip. I would also tell him that he is not to contact you again - he has no need to, you are not married so don't have to communicate in order to legally separate, you owe him nothing.

I would also consider changing my telephone numbers. I realise this could be a pita, but would stop him from calling you whenever he wanted and prevent you from being in the awful position of having to listen to his voice, when you weren't expecting to.

I would also give consideration

[fedupofnamechanging]

Ignore that end bit - not sure what happened there

[only4tonight]

Found you! Yeah for the positive thread title, your night out and the beach cleaning. Also he can't take woman anywhere, he is Skint, if they go away it will be her paying, more fool her.

[LiarsWife]

Hi Starting

Love the new title and the fact that you are keeping busy and not moping around. The beach tidy sounds like a great way to meet likeminded people...

.. and what Karma and Only said :)

[TheLastNameLeft]

Hi again starting, followed your last thread and am so happy you sound a lot more upbeat in this new one..its a long road but you are definitely sounding like you are on the right path

[SlightlyJaded]

Hi Starting. In school playground but just wanted to mark my place on your new, and altogether improved, thread

[crazynell]

hi starting Your doing great - onward and upwards - the world is your oyster - hey i've just realised you live in the capital of "oyster world" :)

[tadjennyp]

Onwards ever upwards! Great new thread title and excellent plans for the weekend. Go starting!

[RoxyRobin]

New thread, new life

[redtulip68]

Well done Starting>

I think the four week milstone will also be the same for me, really looking forward to Sunday- NOT

I'm making good progress and have just truned the corner about actually feeling that I dont need to cry about him anymore. Mine, like your former partner, is skint and is not coming to me for money. Well he can go away in no uncertain terms!

Mine is being a pain as whenever I ask him to see our DC 'I'm busy' doing what he never says but I still expects me to be at his beck and call because I have the children.

anyway enough of the complaining - well done and take care

XXX

[Ilovemypinkflowerywellies]

Loving the new thread title x

[LiarsWife]

Morning Starting How are you? Weather still scorching?

Will be great for the day at the beach on Saturday .. :)

Hope you are bearing up and the fuckwit is not giving you any hassle x

[Startingagain88]

Hi All,

Thanks for all the positive vibes........!

Out and about later.......its great living by the sea when the sun is out....been doing stuff in the garden....stuff i always relied on him to do and i found out something..i can do it myself and its not that hard :)

Even got the lawnmower going...its a petrol one with lots of levers and buttons couldn't work it at first but i worked in out, shovelled some gravel etc, moved some rubbish, did some weeding, started painting the fence.....just call me Monty :)

Small things really make a difference to your confidence.....

K*head has been trying to contact me over the last few days.....sent me an email saying that he still worries about me (ahhh) tried to call last night...... twice.....maybe the OW has realised hes a miserable git after all!

[LiarsWife]

I take it you are giving him the bums rush?? (not answering)

Well done on getting the garden sorted ... how's the house coming on or are you leaving that til the weather turns? xx

[Startingagain88]

LW, I haven't been answering...... :)

I'm going to start doing a bit of work on the house soon...just painting etc...Big Bro knows someone who could finish the loft for me..... hes coming round in a few weeks to take a look......

Id just like to get the living area and kitchen a bit brightened up for now.....i need a new kitchen, downstairs WC, flooring etc really but one step at a time! :)

[LiarsWife]

Starting you are doing amazingly well!! :o

Keep up the good work and you know where I am if you want a blether :)

xxx

[Startingagain88]

I ashamed to say that I am having a major wobbly tonight.....EXDP emailed looking for his passport again.....i replied saying i would put his passport through his mates letterbox, he wanted to pick it up on Saturday but i dont want him here.... hes obviously taking OW on holiday......he never wanted to go anywhere with me....i had to drag him! Its made me really sad......

I found myself sobbing earlier a real deep sobbing IYKWIM.......feeling lost and really scared again.....i was even thinking about calling him......... i didnt but i wanted to........

When will these feelings end? Its exhausting.......... :(

[Bellie]

Starting, not read the whole of your last thread, but just wanted to say - it will get better. The sobbing will get less and you will start to have days where you don't even think about him.

I am now 8 weeks into exdh leaving and it is hard, but every day I find something that I am doing that means that I am not relying on anyone else for, which makes me feel good about myself. I am starting to enjoy the sitting down in the evenings without a care about anyone else (when the dc are in bed) and having some time to do something for me (pleased that madmen has started back again!).

I still have bad days, but it sounds like you are finding things to keep you occupied and they help. Hang on in there

[fedupofnamechanging]

You are really nice Starting - and you deserve so much better than him. I wouldn't even think about returning his passport.

Can you not just pretend you can't find it and chuck it in a skip, thus fucking up his holiday plans and forcing him to fork out a load of money for a new one?

He's had long enough to get all his shit out of your house - he really doesn't deserve any further consideration on your part.

[undermyskin]

Sorry tonight has been difficult. But think back a few days - the intervals between these lows are getting further apart .....more and more you are moving on and living in the present.

[cajerz]

Starting, I've followed your thread from beginning to end although I haven't posted before. I would put money on the fact that he isn't going anywhere. He is asking for his passport because he knows it will get you wondering. He wants you to ask where he is going. Don't give him the satisfaction, you are doing so well.

[MadAboutHotChoc]

Go out on Saturday and if you are at home when he comes round, do NOT answer the door.

If he is supposed to be that skint, how come he is going away?!

[RoxyRobin]

Have just seen your post from last night .

You poor soul. There you are being very brave trying to piece together your life after he's swung his sledgehammer at it (and making an admirable job of it, as we can all see) then he prises open the barrier you're erecting to keep him out to wound you yet again.

While you're still licking your wounds it seems that he's off without a care in the world having a fab, exciting, adventurous, globe-trotting new life with OW (don't care what other mners say about it not being the new woman's fault in cases of infidelity, it means 'orrible witch to me). And it hurts all the more because he was not like this with you.

But you know, it will not be what it appears. I've seen this time and time again; people seem to be transformed by a new relationship and start behaving in a way totally out of character. She will have been keen on the idea of a holiday and he will have been carried along with her enthusiasm for it. And it wouldn't do to be upsetting her at this early stage. But don't worry - people always revert to type. It won't be long before he's back to being the boring fart he was with you. And she will be nagging him about it.

The passport issue has really annoyed me. You've given him more than enough time and opportunity to collect his personal effects. I would have suggested sticking it in an envelope with a second class stamp on it - or better still , no stamp at all - and posting it, keeping my fingers crossed it would be lost. However, I seem to remember he wouldn't give you his address so I suppose that's out of the question. But if you give him it back you ought to make it crystal clear that that's the last you want to do with him. He only sets back your recovery when he contacts you.

And don't forget, he may not be going on holiday. People see their passports as important, precious documents so he might just want to have it in his possession.

Hope you're feeling a little better this morning xxx

[only4tonight]

You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. You are doing amazingly well and even advising others on how to make it through. You have come such a long ling way in such a short time the odd wobble is inevitable. The important thing is that today is a new day. Tomorrow you meet new people and do new things with the beach clean.

I have to say you are being very reasonable and mature. Vi have to admit I would have told him to go whistle for his passport. You warned him to collect everything last time he came so the rest went in the bin.