Is 3 wks into a new relationship too early to introfuce new GF to DC?

[kerbear]

My husband and I are seperated - I left him and took our 3 DC with me due to the fact that I had caught him contacting another woman and, after 2 known affairs decided i couldn't take it anymore.

However, there has been alot of emotional mess over the last year where he has bed hopped from me to another person and then lied all about it. I was so angry when I found out that he'd been sleeping with me and another woman - that I wrote a letter and told her everything. She then dumped him. I wrongly assumed that, as we were still sleeping together that maybe we could give our marriage another try - and I thought he thought that too - but it seems that was never his intention. What his intentin was I do not know as he will not tell me.

A week after his GF dumped him, he has a new GF and I found out last nite that he has already introduced our 3 DC to her under the pretence that she is his "friend" - he didn't even have the balls to actually be honest with them and tell them who she really is. They have only been together (apparently) 3 or 4 weeks (it has been 5 weeks since he last slept with me and i wrote the letter). They have been to her house and played with her children. Am I the only one who thinks its wrong to introduce your DC to a new partner so soon into a relationship? My thoughts are that they have been through enough over the past year that they do not need to be introduced so early on. Am I being unreasonable? he sees nothing wrong in what he has done and has told me that he will introduce his children to whoever he wants whenever he wants. But surely he should be honest about her to them? Your thoughts please.......

[GinPalace]

Wayyyyy to early!!

However if he insists, best in a way to say she is a friend and not a Significant Other that they then think they should be developing a relationship with. As a friend she can exit their lives as easily as enter so though it is a lie I don't think honesty is always the best policy. In this case the lie may protect them from realising he is a womanising idiot too soon in life. If it protects their innocence it may not be a bad thing.

I would hate my kids to be with someone he essentially barely knows though and he sounds like a total arse for not considering your feelings in the matter. :(

[cestlavielife]

why should he not take the Dc to meet a "friend"?

what is the worst that could happen by him doing this?

they may well have to get used to being introduced to a series of "friends" - not a lot you can do about it really. just answer their questions honestly or say "i dont know [if she is your new stepmother to be]"

[cestlavielife]

it isnt great but in the scheme of things there are worse things he could be doing...

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I think you're overreacting. Understandably but still overreacting. If he had moved her in and told the DCs this was their new mummy it would be too soon. If they've all had tea and cakes together and she's been introduced as 'a friend' surely that's all they'll think she is? How old are your children?

[kerbear]

The children are 13, 9 and 6 and she has children but I do not know how old they are. The eldest child of ours is not biologically his as he is from my first marriage - and in all honesty he never really had a relationship with him and was constantly having a go at him over the slightest things - for which we ran into many an argument as I said he needed to treat all 3 DC the same. I just feel that 3 weeks is too soon to be playing happy families - and I know my husband - he will hang onto this person for dear life rather than be on his own. Within a week of me telling him our marriage was over, he had already logged onto another social website and had many women that he did not know as his friends and posting comments about how pretty and sexy they were.

[SquishyCinnamonSwirls]

It's far too soon.

[struwelpeter]

What a twunt. But what he is doing is par for the course. Sounds like if you make an issue of it, he is likely to delight in the fact that he has wound you up.
Best bet is for DCs to know that they can say 'we don't want to do x or y, dad'. We want to do this or just be with you. If 13-year-old is going then he can make his wishes known to ex, other two should be old enough to make their wants known.
I should imagine neither side's DCs will appreciate being thrown together very much. And why should they, most of us remember being told to get on with parents' friends' kids and hating it.
But you can't do anything to stop blind stupidity or selfishness, just be there to pick up the pieces and be the stable one in their lives.

[Ticktock1]

Three weeks is too soon to be introduced as a girlfriend (I had to wait six months before I was allowed to meet DSD) but if he has just introduced her as a friend then unfortunatly there isn't much you can do, yes he could have been more respectful but he wasn't and you just have to go with it. Maybe have a chat with him if they break up and both agree on an amount of time before the DC's are introduced to new partners in the future.

[kerbear]

We had agreed at the beginning of our seperation that we would let each other know if and when we were introducing new people into our childrens life. He went about it wrongly with the first GF as she was a mum from the school playground and he knowingly introduced our daughter to her as a friend when he knew that he was already sleeping with her (and sleeping with me too at this stage). He agreed on that occasion that he had handled it wrong and he apologised for doing it - but he has gone and done the same again.

Rightly or wrongly, in anger last night when I found out, I told the children who she was - he has told them, and me, so many lies that i could not hold my tongue and I told them. I do not mind that he has another GF, he is welcome to go and ruin someone elses life like he ruined mine, but i do mind that he can't be honest about it all....after everything he's already put us through :(