Im feeling very fed up and in need of some advice.
im 28, dh is 40. we have two children dd 2.5 and ds 6months
im feeling very fed up atm, have done really since ds was born 6 months ago. The birth didnt go as planned (neither did dd birth). I longed for to dh to be proud of me, to think i did well..he never showed me this. I wanted him to be over joyed n shed a tear...this did not happen. He looked knackered and desperate to go home tbh. I remember crying for him to stay a bit longer with me as post emergency c.section i felt vulnerable and unable to cope with ds.
Over the last few months ive become increasingly jealous of other peoples experiences and relationships too. People that dh works with have since had babies and im insanely jealous that they must really love their wives/gfs for doing well and for being wonderful when im fucking rubbish.
dh is lovely, helps with the kids and around the house. Ive no complaints their. The problem seems to be me and my fucking uselssness. Im fat, tried n grumpy and i wish i was thin/smiley n outgoing for dh....i want him to love me like mad and to think im the best wife ever
am i nuts? please be nice...am i depressed? i feel shit, totally shit
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depressed/fed up or just plain jealous n weird
alisonsmum · 21/03/2012 12:31
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Poor you 
Trust me, those perfect families will be struggling too. Speak to your HV or GP. You're not nuts - pretty normal I'd say. It's only celebs who are skinny, lively and cheery and that's because they have an army of personal trainers, nannies, housekeepers, surgeons, drugs etc.
I think you might be depressed. That doesn't make you a failure. Maybe your DH is feeling the strain too, which is why he's not being very demonstrative at the moment. Do you have any r/l support?
And remember the mn mantra - 'this too will pass' x
I bet the guys at work don't betray their wives confidences any more than your dh does - so you'll hear about how great they aren't never about how they get snapped at in the middle of the night for "doing it wrong".
Everyone puts on a brave face for the outside world. Your dh will be in the staffroom at work saying, "Yeah, alisonsmum is back at work already, she's always taking the kids places, kids are great, I try and get home in time to read them a story before bed... So, what do you reckon to the footy last night then?"
The trick is to know how much of it's bollocks 
'someone at works wife is this that n the other n she n kids r doing great' - no, she maybe just makes out to the world that she is! In private she's probably suffering with mastitis, a child who won't feed, another child who's hyperactive and a husband who doesn't give a toss! People might make out that they're doing fine when actually they're not, and it takes a very brave person to admit that things aren't fine! 
"'someone at works wife is this that n the other n she n kids r doing great'"
Argh that is soooo annoying. DH's friend's wife gave birth 2 weeks after me. Every so often I'd get little comments which bugged the hell out of me, like their DS slept through the night from 6 weeks, she's back at work after 3 months looking radiant, their DS is now sleeping 12 hours a night etc. etc.
Used to get right on my nerves like it was a criticism of me and our DS. I found myself questionning DH trying to find out if it really was true (the 12 hour one wasn't - it' s impossible with the hours they work and when they take the baby to the childminder).
Then I was quizzing him as to what he'd said about me and DS. Did he say how DS is an awful sleeper? That he has reflux so we're all permanently covered in sick? That I have lost all my pregnancy weight but in actual fact have realised that the weight I've lost was muscle so now I weigh like I did last year but its all flab? 
DH assured me that he didn't say anything like that, that he only mentions positive things (DS sat up unaided fairly early and has a gorgeous smile etc.) so I think the world gets an image that DS and I are doing great, whereas I feel like I'm struggling.
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