I'm almost terrified typing these words out, because suddenly it will become real. PLEASE don't flame me for not addressing it sooner...
So, in a nutshell. I've been with DH for 15 years. We have been married for 7. We have 2 DCs, who are 2 and 4. I do remember a time when I fancied him. In the very beginning. For maybe 2 years. But since then, my desire for him has really dwindled. I decided to marry him despite knowing this because he is a really wonderful person, I knew he'd be a great Dad and husband and he is both of those things.
But it's got to the point now where for the last few years I find sex with him either just about tolerable (with alcohol) to unbearable (without alcohol - and here we're talking 'cry in the bathroom afterwards'). in the last month, I just can't bring myself to do it at all, I cannot bear the thought. I can't put it easily in words, I love him but I have absolutely zero desire for him.
I feel absolutely awful, he is a lovely man who deserves a loving wife who wants to sleep with him, for goodness' sake. Until now, I have tried so hard, I have sex regularly with him because I love him, if that makes sense. But now I just can't anymore. Nothing special has happened, it's like I can't force myself through the charade any more.
I don't want to drip feed, but there's nothing else to say. I love him. He's great in every way. He hasn't done anything wrong. There have been no changes in our life. He is putting this current reluctance down to work stress and is not pressurising me. I don't come from an abusive background. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
One last thing. this isn't a lack of libido on my part. I look at other men (never do anything of course), I pleasure myself IYSWIM etc. I am so scared of falling into an affair at some point. But I look at the future and I feel like crying, I can't bear another 40 or 50 years of life like this.
I am terrified of telling him as well. How do I break "I haven't fancied you for years and I can't see every wanting to have sex with you again"?
Please help.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
It's not normal not to fancy your husband any more is it? Help needed.
MaybeICan · 20/03/2012 12:19
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