"you always..." am I over reacting?

[prettystuffedreally]

I hate it when oh tells me that I always do such and such - am I over reacting? I feel like he is trying to define who I am in some way but it seems so minor. when I say eg I do not always work late, I'm justy going through a busy patch, or I do not always drop things etc he lists lots of examples which "prove" that I do. Is it normal to hate it this much?

[ImperialBlether]

I agree with you. "Always" and "never" shouldn't be used in an argument.

[prettystuffedreally]

It isn't even an argument - just all the time.

[suburbophobe]

He's undermining you. Sounds exhausting. So sorry for you.

[snoopdogg]

Yep, 'you always' and 'you never' are argument no-no's. My tactic, when faced with someone who tried to argue like this has always been to respond 'list three examples'. If they can list three genuine examples then you might need to look at your behaviour, other wise (as my teenager would say) epic fail.

[Lueji]

Never and always are definite no nos. But lots of people end up using them.

It might be worth admitting that you do quite a few times and not argue semantics.
The real issue is not if you always work late, but that he doesn't like that you have been working late so much.

He may be worried that it will become a pattern and need some reassurance.
On the other hand if you explain the reasons for working late and he is unsuportive, then you may need to discuss it with him or reevaluate your relationship.

The same applies to other issues.

[21YrOldMan]

Most of the time it's women who use "you always ...." as men tend to be more literal, and so will mostly only say "you always" when you actually do always something. If your DP is using it literally, then you're seriously going to have to think about whether he has a point.

If he's using it figuratively then when he says "you always" don't get defensive and argue semantics, saying "well, last week there were two night where I didnt work late so I don't ALWAYS do it" because that's not the point he's trying to get across. What you should do when he says that is mentally replace "you always" with "I feel like you frequently ...."

HTH.

[tallwivglasses]

What's this about you 'always' dropping things ffs? I'd find something heavy and drop it on his foot.

[WitchOfEndor]

DH just did exactly that so I asked "do I always do that?" and looked at him. He stared back and then said "no, you don't always do that".

Result!