Please help..

[caija]

Please someone talk to me about this....please go easy on me. I am currently pregnant with dc3 after only being with DP 2 months. I am now just over 7 weeks pregnant. I have suffered 3 miscarriages to my previous partner. Also have dc2 with previous partner, who I was with for seven years, was a bad relationship. So basically my kids have different dad's. N this baby will have too it's not the way I planned it, to have 3 kids to 3 different men..... My hormones have been awful. Over the last week or so I have been distancing myself from DP, making excuses for him not to come over etc as I just feel like I don't know if I feel the same about him now....why am I feeling like this?! I'm praying this is my hormones. I feel soo lost and depressed, I didn't wanna go through having another baby on my own!!! Please someone give me advice

[caija]

bump :(

[Prolesworth]

Oh caija, so sorry you're feeling so low and finding yourself in this difficult situation. Hugs for you.

You say you don't want to go through having another baby on your own: do you want to continue with this pregnancy? It's not too late to have a termination. I'm not saying that's what you should do btw - just wondering if you have considered this as an option?

[caija]

Hey Prolesworth... I'm scared to be on my own and be pregnant, termination is defo not an option, no

[Prolesworth]

OK, hope I didn't offend you by mentioning termination

On a practical level, what have you got in the way of a support network of friends/family. Don't be afraid to ask for help and support.

It sounds like you're feeling (understandably) very daunted at the prospect of another child and with the added difficulty of being in such a new relationship where really DP is a bit of an unknown quantity. How has he reacted to the news?

[ChitChatFlyingby]

Perhaps its the fear of another miscarriage that is causing you to push away your DP, after several miscarriages it must be hard to feel hopeful and positive, so everything else is looked at negatively as well.

[caija]

No no Prolesworth, it's ok, u didn't know the situation. Thanku for replying, my DP is over the moon, both of us are, but I'm now feeling weird about DP, unsure if hormones or not. Chitchat, it could very well be that, I'm soo scared, hate the thought of anyone judging me because I have three kids to three different dad's, n if ths relationship doesn't work out....omg, I can't even think. My mum and dad have only just started speaking to me after I told them I was pregnant, if they knew I might be facing it alone, they'd flip

[SorryMyLollipop]

Anyone who judges you for anything is a total fuckwit. No-one sets off into adulthood planning to have 3dc's by 3 different men (as far as I know) but relationship patterns are different these days, shit happens.

Have you told your DP how you are feeling?

[caija]

Aww ty sorrymylollipop! That means a lot. My DP does know, had to tell him last night, cos I kept making excuses not to see him. I feel soo bloody bad. Everything has moved so fast. We got engaged after 8 weeks ...yeh quick, but I was soo sure, now I'm thinking 'what is going on in my head?' cos I felt so strong about DP, I hate this

[izzyizin]

This is one of your earlier posts: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1407902-Id-Rather-be-dead-than-have-all-this-stress

As you barely know your 'dp', and as your relationship is untried and untested, I would advise you to put your plans for marriage on hold at least until some time after the arrival of dc3.

I'm pleased to see that your parents seem to be coming around, but marrying in haste for fear of them 'flipping' if you have to go it alone could lead to more problems in the long term than may be resolved in the short term.

[redhead24]

I agree with izzyizin. Children bring enough stress to any relationship, let alone planning a wedding.

You'll both have 'unspoken' views on what a marriage means to you based upon your upbringings and life experiences and this brings it's own pressures to a relaionship too.

You can't put the pregnancy on hold, but you can hold off on the wedding. It's an old fashioned viewpoint that the fella will lose interest and 'well he's having his cake and eating it!' attitude (we all have oldies in our lives with these outdated views - assuming something along these lines has been said to you).

If you both focus 100% on the child then you'll parent well individually and as a team and while keeping your individualities at bay until you are ready for them to be compromised on your levels when you have time to focus on them. Babies don't allow you to do that.

It's YOUR relationship - no one else's. YOu do what's right for you, your baby, your children and your fiance'. I know you want your parents support (but remember being a parent yourself) your parents will always love you and be there for you as your their daughter. They are simply voicing their concerns as guidence for you to keep you safe.
Talk to your fella about your concerns. He's not a mnd reader, and why second guess your future, live today for today and cross any bridge if (it ever) comes along :)