Give me strength!

[PhuzzyPhelt]

I'm such an idiot - been on here before for advice and took it....but then seemed to just fall back into being with the man (yet again!)

This time I think itis really finished, I cannot see a way out of it, but here I am in my head feeling like I've made a terrible mistake and I'll never have someone love me. I guess what I'm really after is reassurance I've done the right thing. The tiny sensible part of me says I have but I'm in total turmoil - checking my phone for texts, the email for mails and for voicemail - none, none and none! I'm already thinking I should go over to his and demand my key back - but I don't think he'd answer the door. I'm scared he's not okay - Arrrggh, why am I so stupid?

Things came to a head over the last month or so - basically after a silly argument he got very drunk and told me I disgusted him and was an arsehole! He also accused me of having lots of men on standby to have sex with (before I met him I was seeing a few men, shprt term relationshios taht basically were going nowhere - very casually, but I hadn't been seeing them for at least 12 months before we started going out. I'd still get the odd text from one or other asking how I was - and I'd tell them! - I'm fine - seeing a nice man now. It came out during the fight that he'd read my messages and emails and had been harbouring these feelings for at least 6 months. I did my best to reassure him that I'd never cheat on him.

The very next week I went to tesco 'cos he was out in town with his friend - when he got back I wasn't in so it escalated into a huge, huge row. He accused me of being in another mans house and left some pretty vicious voicemails. He then left and continued drinking - he came back drunk from the pub. I told him to leave, but he wouldn't. Instead he called me a despicable human being, an asrehole, that I could go f myself and that he despised me. He also was making threats about the supposed other guy - ie get him here now, I'll stab him to death. I couldnt calm him down. This went on for about 2 hours plus (at 3am) and to cut a long story short I had to eventually get the police to remove him. He'd actually told me the only way he'd go was if I got the police (so I did! - as soon as I called them he told me I was insane, mental, etc)

I thought then that it was over but he was so ashamed of what had happened - he became depressed - not eating/going out and told me that he'd lost the best thing that ever happened to him. Once again, I tried again. I had massive doubts at this point as it seemed every time he was drinking he'd say I disgusted him. I found it hard to marry the two - when we were together he'd say he wanted to get married and loved me so much, but at the back of my mind was all the drama and the hurtful things he'd said. It came to a head at the weekend - we were out in town and he was striding ahead of me and I got it : he's ashamed to be with me. I told him I couldnt put up with the hot/cold behaviour and deserved more. He left in the early evening. He then called me at 3am and told me he'd never seen a future with me as I was clearly bipolar and mental and a pathetic shit. He sounded drunk but said he wasn't.

I took over all his things the next night but he wouldn't let me in - He has my key and I've had no contact with him at all. I could hear his phone ring and my texts beep through his door but he didn't answer me.

I'm so torn. I'm angry anyone could treat me like this - but then again I fuelled it. I'm also sick with worry as he once told me he sait on train tracks after his ex and him split up. I'm in such a mess over this man who I did nothing but try to help.

I need some sort of help myself to still be thinking of him so much - please tell me I've done the right thing. ashamed

[Lueji]

My ex also went on on the phone for ages trying to convince me he would kill himself after I left him and called the police to retriever things.

He didn't, of course.

You are well rid of.

Stay strong.

[Lueji]

In fact, tell his family and friends so that they can take care of him if you are really worried.

[izzyizin]

If he sat on train tracks after his ex and him split up he obviously chose a disused rail line for his sit-in.

It very much sounds as if this man has unresolved mental health issues and you're best advised to breathe an immense sigh of relief that they are no longer your concern.

Men like him are not capable of loving anyone but themselves and your fears that I'll never have someone love me will prove to be unfounded once your life is no longer conflicted by his amateur dramatics.

Don't be tempted to use getting your key back as an excuse for further contact with him; just get on with changing the lock - if it's a yale you' can buy a replacement barrel and you'll only need a screwdriver and a hacksaw to do it yourself.

Chin up - onwards and upwards. You've wasted enough time thinking about this loser and now it's time to get on with making your life as happy and fulfilling as it can be.

[AnyFucker]

Just keep away from him

he obviously has a drinking problem and mental health issues

You didn't cause them, you can't cure them

All you will do is enable them, if you respond any further to him

He may be on a downward spiral, but don't let him take you with him

You did the right thing, and the shame is his not yours

let him go, and this time make it permanent

[GoingForGoalWeight]

Cut contact with this abuser. Change your number/email etc or block his. I'd even seek safety advice from the police/seek legal advice from a solicitor just incase he continues to harrass you by coming to your home.

100% no contact, do not ignore your instinct that this man is WRONG for you.

Good luck.