Mumsnet Talk

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' .

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

I would have done the same as you

I think the friend will probably twig it was you who sent the text.

I think it's a disgusting thing to do to be honest

Are you always this controlling?

No, not usually, just trying to find out if the man I want to spend the rest of my life with is an outright liar before it's too late to leave

And I think going to a strip club and lying is more disgusting worra

If he didn't go to the strip club, where was he until 5am?

That's crazy, what business is it of yours what he does on a night out as long as he keeps it in his pants? I am actually outraged it's beyond unreasonable to be texting someone off of his phone as well.

You were looking for texts from you?

Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with him if you don't trust him? You asked him a question, he answered but you don't believe him anyway.

Your DP's friend could text him back tonight when he has his phone on him and what will that make you look like?

Ok I thought I was BU, but just needed confirmation cannot take it back now though

I'm sure there were other ways of doing it rather than violating his privacy and trust like that.

So if he did decide to go to a club you've 'banned' him from, that would be a violation of your trust if he lied about it.

But it's ok for you to violate his trust when he leaves his phone within your reach?

You wouldn't have an opportunity to leave if it was me in your partners shoes OP, I'd be out of the door before you could think of anything else to try and pick fault with

Oh and do you always tell him where he is allowed to go?

Sounds like you don't trust him. Not good regardless of answer from mate.

Also, do you want to be with a man whose mates not only go to strip clubs but who presumably expect your dp to go as well?

I'm just very insecure due to past abusive and deceitful relationships, and it's obviously bleeding into my current ones

Has he replied?

And yes, why shouldn't he go to a club of his choice just because you have an issue with it?

Where would that end if he starts letting you control him now?

Does he ban you from going to places he doesn't like?

"I'm just very insecure due to past abusive and deceitful relationships, and it's obviously bleeding into my current ones"

This seems abusive and deceitful.

I don't tell him what to do at all, but I'm really not comfortable with strip clubs, naked women sitting on my partners lap and all the extras they do. I would like to know now if he does this and lies

Your behaviour I mean.

I wouldn't want to be with a man who went to strip clubs. I don't think that's unreasonable.

so has the friend replied yet?

I agree coco

YABU