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Please help if you can. I've never had more than a fleeting crush on someone before, they are usually over in a matter of 2-3 days. Mid December I developed a massive crush and it is still ongoing. Nothing will ever happen, and I know that. We are both in other relationships. I'd really like to know how long I can expect this to last for though. I'm kind of enjoying it for what it is, but frankly it's getting pretty painful at times. I know it's just a matter of waiting it out, but how long?

If you stop enjoying it you'll stop feeding it the oxygen it needs to survive.

It may have a place in your future fantasies but it has no place in the here and now.

Is it someone you work with ? Best to change jobs in that case because there is a chance it might not end.

Good point. Which has made me question if I really do want to stop this fantasy? There are further complications to this. I'm in a nearly sexless marriage and am pretty sure that is contributing to this crush. Also, the crushn is on a woman and it's making me very seriously consider my sexuality. I talked to dh about it a couple of nights ago and talking to him helps me keep honest and know that whatever my sexuality I won't just go and cheat on him.
The crush is actually making me very happy and very scared at the same time. It's better than feeling nothing at the moment. Thanks, you made me think.

Yes, it's someone I work with. There is no way I would ever consider telling them how i feel and my job is on a contract so there is an end in site.

Lack of sex can be the root of all evil

It's not uncommon to have crushes on same sex individuals and your current crush doesn't necessarily mean that you are gay or bi.

It seems to me that you may be feeling as if your life has flatlined and these thoughts are, effectively, a defibrillator that's stimulating the throb that reminds you that your passion hasn't died.

Is she in a same sex relationship?

Thanks. Yes, she is in a same sex relationship.

Our sexual orientation can vary during our lives and we don't always fit perfectly and/or permanently in to one of the 3 options.

Is this the first time you've been attracted to, or had a crush on, a woman?

If you're living in a virtually sexless marriage that you don't want to upset/disrupt, it may be that you're attracted to a woman because you consciously or subconsciously believe that this is a safer option than being attracted to a man.

and in terms of how long does it take for a crush to dissipate? Well, stopping thinking about them first thing every day happens over months, every day, a few more and then bumping into them etc starts the cycle over again. I have one crush that has been happening over 4 years. Has vacillated from being heart-breaking to putting a mere spring in my step.

Hope you work things out with your partner.

Thanks. No, not the first time I've been attracted to a woman, have been attracted to women probably about as much as men, but I never really had a big crush on anyone ever up till now.
Gosh AltShift, 4 years. Okay, I must be careful and try to wind this down.

Don't want to play devil's advocate here but I had an affair with another woman and - and I don't consider myself gay, bi, ambi or bi-curious. First (and last) time I'd crushed on same sex. All I can say is it was extremely intense and unforgettable. I didn't even consider my sexuality as it's all about the person. Chances are if you're crushing on her, she is probably crushing on you.

Oh Loveisthemessage, don't say that! I very much doubt she is crushing on me, she's not in my league! Glad it went well for you.

Don't put yourself down. There is no such thing as leagues when it comes to love. My liasion ended my marriage...

Sorry to hear about your marriage. Can I ask, was it worth it?

Loveisthemessage - you say it was all about the person, which I really understand (in similar situation myself though haven't made a move yet), but can I ask whether the sexual side worked, or has it petered out soon?
OP, I'd say it will last as far as there is contact or reminders (if you want it to stop, that is).

The sexual side definitely worked! Amazing, incredibly sensual. Was nervous about this but you soon realise, being a woman yourself, you can navigate your way round another woman's body quite easily. It feels very familiar if you know what I mean! The other woman had previous experiences with both men and women but this didn't seem to matter. It felt so natural I didn't really give it much thought. We had a real connection...total chemistry. Do not regret it at all. Tricky as it seems such a taboo 2 women. Much easier for men I think - ie more accepted in society.

so pleased to hear that - as I am nervous of that side, no experience. I imagined it like that, but great to hear from you based on actual experience! but did it remain a crush still, as sounds like you aer ok with it ending?

The experience made me realise I am more open-minded than I thought. Taught me a lot about myself.

It hasn't really ended...

erm, i wouldn't say men gay men ar more accepted - they aer usually more obvious which some people mind (they aer just not allowed to voice their opinio - but lots of men hate gays secretly). I think two women aer seen un-agressive unlike the men, though some people seem to feel sorry or smth for gay women (i.e. as if they can't be properly fulfilled).

ah, right! but have you realised you'll miss men sexually in the end, so want both?

I guess i know many more gay men couples and not many women ones...

Not missing men at mo as woman def more than fulfilling. From my limited experience, women seem to know what they are doing. Certainly the best lover I've had...and I've been on the planet for a while !

Yes, many women are fine and accepting of gay men, but not the guys! Not sure whether it works the other way round, I think women are nervous of proper lesbians (i.e. hard to befriend without suspecting other motives? not very logical, but that's how it goes as they are a minority). Not sure what men's attitude is to gay women.

that's fantastic, really, I can see how a woman can be the best in bed, especially if her partner is a sensitive type, and lots of women are. Though for those who want a lot of energy and acrobatics, a woman would not be enough. That's why i think many older women turn bi/gay, they appreciate affection in bed.