Mumsnet Talk

Open relationships - tell me more.

SGB was last seen here 45 mins or so ago www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1391585-I-only-attract-fairly-disturbed-creeps

Stick around for a while - hopefully, she'll put in another late night appearance and, if not, there's always tomorrow.

Did you make that thread title up Izzy? I'm off to look for it, it might be my thread if I was sleep typing again.

It's not fiction, Bugle; it's current on this board or you can click on the link to add a response and send it to the top of the chart again

Thanks Izzy - will wait around for a while or come back.

& yes it is a real thread Bungle.

Happy to help from a male perspective if needed (as in, answer questions!)

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Anyone seen SGB lately?

Came back - no joy then?

Thanks for the bump Izzy.

MrMeaner - do you? are you?

Are you looking to live with/marry a significant other in which both parties enjoy an open relationship in which they are both free to pursue sexual relationships with others, or you are looking to stay single and seeking to have multiple long or short term FWBs?

Izzy the first I guess. I did the second for years.

I am married.

& love him.

I haven't name changed because I think I should be honest.

Is there a problem with your sex life, or are you a bit bored? Could it be sorted out with a bit of effort?

Wow Spiders. Wow. Brave. Are you sure about this? Does your DH know and have you discussed it? Or are you just fantasising a bit about what might be nice? What if he finds this thread?

Being honest doesn't mean we have to know who you are, you know. You can be perfectly honest and still NC for a bit of privacy. I do it all the time.

BOF why are you up?! (PMing you)

LeBOF - neither - I think it goes deeper - I think it's me as a person - I love him very much, I was married before (no DCs), it's no reflection of my love for him, I would never leave him, I love him dearly.

Hilly - he finds every thread I've ever written & I don't really mind - I'd rather not hide things from him, I'm a very open person, which is probably why I'm doing this.

I hate secrets.

Fair enough. I cannot add much to this because it's not something I could get my head around personally. I not against it in theory, I just think that a situation where both partners are genuinely equally cool with it, and equally into it, as opposed to one being coerced slightly for the sake of the happiness/fulfillment of the other is a very rare thing indeed, and I imagine many relationships have been wrecked because of that.

I guess that is why so many people manage to live double lives as serial recreational adulterers.

Will just add though - are you talking about swinging together, or actually being free to pursue other non-commital sexual relationships? Because whilst I find the first a bit icky, I can see how, as a joint hobby, it could work. Whereas the second sounds ripe for disaster to me. Too much scope for actually falling in love with someone else. Loads of people shag around thinking they won't get emotionally involved and they believe if they play the game carefully then no-one will get hurt.

Sadly, they are often wrong.

Spiders - I think we're a bit out of sync on the time thing!

In answer to your question - yes, falling into your first category.

Happy to answer more detailed questions, but to summarise (having lost my first post!):
- honesty, honesty, honesty - be completely up front with your partner and discuss expectations and boundaries. Respect the other person's boundaries completely.
- things flex with time. What you are both happy with now, you may find you are not in the future. Be adaptable. It's not something that is likely to happen every week, just from time to time, so be relaxed about it - unexpected is often better than planned.
- generally, and unsurprisingly, it is a lot easier for women to find 3rd parties than men. Some men could have an issue with this, so keep talking.
- unless you are contemplating polyamory, avoid emotional contact with the 3rd party. Be up front with 3rd party also. Perhaps avoid repeating experiences to avoid any chance of an emotional connection.
- people tend to be judgemental and assume you cannot love/be in love with your partner. Ignore them as long as you are both happy.
- talk, talk, talk.
- talk some more :-)

Good luck

I spied SGB c2am on another thread

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I'm not sure you need SGB for this- AFAIK she has never experienced the swinging scene from the vantage point of a long-term previously monogamous relationship.

<<sharpens pencil, prepares to take notes>>