Asked for separation...DH being so nice to me?

[LadyEatsCrispsALot]

I am very confused. Despite me asking for a separation my DH is being really nice to me. I asked formthe seperation as I had the lightbulb moment during his rant and character assassination to me a few days ago. Weirdly we are talking about finances, me buying another house. How the separation would work.
I don't know but he seems ambivalent about it all. I don't want him to scream and shout and ask for another chance but I feel confused. When he is this nice I wonder why I asked for it?
I asked how he feels and he says he still loves me but doesn't want the marriage to continue the way it is. And hes not really sure how he feels.
I said about me living apart and how does he feel and he said' well I would like some one for the sex!'
I was fuming! But apparently he didn't mean it that way. I think he sees me moving out as just that but our marriage will continue at his convenience. I.e sex.
I have heard of married couples living apart but together? Could that really work? We have 2 DC 4 and 6 and I hate doing this to them too.

I still love him but hate how he treats me sometimes. REALLY CONFUSED!!!

[GypsyMoth]

Would he still support you all financially? Or Do you work?

[joanofarchitrave]

Perhaps he is relieved?

If dh asked for a separation and I thought he really meant it, I would be worried about logistics and his emotional/mental state (and ds etc) but would be hugely relieved not to have to worry about our relationship any more.

[LadyEatsCrispsALot]

Yes he said he will still support us financially. Maybe he is relieved. That's very sad isn't it....never thought a separation could be so reasonable. :(( I really worry about kids though. We would share child care half a week each and split weekends. Oh god it's really hitting me now..:((

[joanofarchitrave]

Better tell him that it's hitting you hard then?

[Anniegetyourgun]

Or, he could be being very nice so that you would think exactly what you did think: "When he is this nice I wonder why I asked for it?" So you give up the separation idea, then things gradually slip back to where they were until you're nearly ready to throw in the towel again, then it's time for another nice act. It's called "hoovering" and it's quite well documented. Effective too; kept me hoping for years.

[izzywhizzysmincepies]

Listen to Annie and don't get sucked up by his Dyson

[LadyEatsCrispsALot]

Oh that's not good. Also when we talked today and I explained how hurt was by the things he said, he was def back tracking and maintained he never said those things! So frustrating. I am struggling with this.

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

yes, it's called "the hoover maneuvre" and it's a classic tactic.

see here

abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/05/hoover-how-to-recognize-it-and-move.html

sorry

i too got sucked in for years.

[izzywhizzysmincepies]

There's also the danger that, having successfully hoovered you, the supreme egoist actively searches for an OW so that they can be the one to leave the relationship.

With this type, there won't necessarily be any perceivable change in the way they treat you after they've sucked you back in - but you may come home one fine day and discover that they've upped and left and gone off to live with an OW.

[babyhammock]

he was the one who wanted to come to your new house for bathtime with the kids everynight wasn't he...

and for sex too???

He wants his penny and the bun :(

[izzywhizzysmincepies]

Apologies - I've given a link to a thread that you'd contributed to instead of your earlier post here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1352919-Now-thats-enough-isnt-it

I'll report my above post otherwise it may get too confusing.

Did you see the solicitor you mentoned in your earlier post?