Toxic parents found out where I live - need some support please!

[northline]

Hi

I'm a lurker posting for the first time and really need some support today.

To cut a long story short I tried to cut off contact with toxic parents 6 years ago. Father a bully and occasionally violent to me. My mother is very manipulative - if I was hit, or verbally abused by him she would tell me 'you only have yourself to blame'. She would always stick up for him, tell me that he loved me very much, and basically that it was all my fault.

They have never respected my wish to not be be contact - e.g. they have contacted PIL to try and get at me that way. Just after i told them i didn't want further contact they turned up on my doorstep, hammered on the door for ages, were screaming through the letterbox. It was awful.

Anyway, we moved house and they didn't know where me and DH lived for some time and it was a relief. But a few months ago they found out my address - we should be ex-directory but it was printed in the phonebook. There were no visits from them and I was quite hopeful, but Father turned up on my doorstep this morning. I shut it quickly, but he stood on the doorstep for a while, then sat outside in his car for a hour. I nearly threw up. He's gone now but then my mother started calling my landline and I stupidly answered. After listening to her crap for a few mins I really lost it with her and shouted at her that she was a crap mother who never protected me from him and hung up.

I'm sat here shaking now holding 5 week old DD2. I'm terrified he's going to come back, and I'm wondering what they are going to do next. Thanks for letting me vent... feel a bit calmer for just typing this out.

[lubeybooby]

So sorry Op, sounds so awful :( no advice for you but a hug from me and a bump up the page xx

[gobbycow]

Oh that is just horrific! You poor soul!

Call BT and get their numbers blocked, it costs a couple of pounds that's all. As for their physical presence..I would be telling them that if they did not remove themselves you would be calling the police, and informing the police of previous violent conduct.

((())) to you...I know how terrified I was when my "mother" turned up on my doorstep after five years.

[BunnyLane]

I don't have any words of wisdom but just wanted to say that I really feel for you that sound awful.

National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline

To talk to someone in confidence for support, information or an emergency referral to temporary accommodation, contact the free 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline.
Helpline: 0808 2000 247
Website: www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

Try and call them if they don't specialise in the problems you are having they'll be able to give you the right number to call.

Best of luck

[northline]

Thanks everyone - I just got such a horrible shock to see him standing on my doorstep, and I'm really cross that I didn't just ignore my mother.

[kumquatsarethelonelyfruit]

Poor you :( especially with a small baby. If they come back you will have to be more aggressive ie threaten then actually call the police. Bastards. Your childhood sounds very similar to mine so I really feel for you. You could chuck a saucepan of water on their heads from an upstairs window whilst they're yelling abuse through your front door

[FabbyChic]

Ring your telephone provider tell them you are getting nuisance calls they should change your number immediately.

If he knocks again call the police.

[Eglu]

Poor you, especially with a small baby. Iit must have been a real shock.

I agree wirh others re phone and police.

[orangeLFDThead]

Hope you ok, agree with the others if they come back tell them if they don't leave you will call the police and follow it through if they call your bluff. What time will your dh/dp be home?

[northline]

Thank you all for the support. I hid in bed for the afternoon with DD and then DH came home early! All quiet now, but I doubt that's the end of it.

Kumquats - really liking your idea of chucking a saucepan of water on them

[SenoritaViva]

Try and look at this from a different angle.

If they DO come back then you have the opportunity to call the police and potentially get a restraining order out on them which you could see as something protective. I agree with others to call a helpline; find out and know your rights. Knowledge is arming and protecting yourself. You can turn this into something positive; you sound like a strong person, nevertheless sorry you are going through it.

[suburbophobe]

God, you poor thing, how horrendous!!

I second every one else, call the phone co. have your nr. changed, call the police, have a harrasment order in place - or whatever you call it - do all and everything to get these toxic people out of your life.

My heart goes out to you. Thank God you have your DH for support.

[garlicbutter]

What a pair of nutters!
You've done really well to organise a normal family life for yourself.

I agree with calling a helpline. That's where to get the right advice.
You might consider getting an intercom door thing, as well as changing your landline number.