Abandoned

[juveen]

I am four months pregnant with a three year old boy from a previous relationship and my fiancé has walked out on me saying he can't handle the fact his Asian family will not accept our wedding. We have been together three years and they have always been against me because I am divorced and therefore bringing shame on the family . I am totally distraught my fiancé tells me he still loves us and wants to be with us but is terrified of the family rejecting him. I am crying myself to sleep every night I cannot comprehend why his family are so cruel ,

[suburbophobe]

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Your fiancé is going to have to chose. Either his old family, or the new one.
I doubt his old family will change their point of view.

Is this a one-off, or has he shown more signs of it over the last 3 years? Is it now that you are pregnant, he realises that it's "for real"?

I think this would be a deal breaker for me. If he doesn't stick up for me and by me at this time, he can keep on walking. But that's me.

I was married myself to a man from a different culture, his family was not the problem. He was.

Wishing you all the best!

[suburbophobe]

P.s. I ended up bringing up my child alone. It's hard but so much better without all the drama, which would affect the child negatively, and me too.

I do hope he realises what he's losing tho and will chose his new family.

[oldwomaninashoe]

Sorry, but his family will ulimately win. They are not going to change their deep seated customs and ways.

I feel for you, many years ago I was very involved with someonewhose parents could not accept the fact that I was divorced, as it didn't sit well with their beliefs.

We broke up over it as he had been around his family longer than he had been around me- and there was more of them to persuade him, he was also the oldest son.

Funnily enough I went on to marry someone whose family also didn't approve of the fact that I had been divorced, and didn't come to our wedding, although his brothers and sisters did.

I think that a lot depends on the strength and amount of family opposition.

I have been happily married to my second husband for over 30 years.
The chap who I split up with, all those years ago, is divorced and lives alone.

[ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow]

His family won't change, only he can: he will have to choose whether to resist their pressure, or cave in to it.

It appears that he has made his choice.

It must be heart-breaking for you, but you deserve better than to be kept dangling by a man who has chosen to walk out on you, yet is still whining that he loves you and he wants to be with you. He is being a coward about it. It is down to you now to be strong: ask him for what you need from him, and if he is unable or unwilling to give it, walk away with your head high. His dithering is dishonourable.