DH body hair removal obsession

[TheEpilator]

I have name changed but I promise you I am not a troll! A few weeks ago DH joined a gym. Shortly afterwards he asked me to remove his back hair as it was embarrassing in the pool. I obliged because I thought the epilator would be hilariously painful, although I made it clear that I loved his body the way it is.

He then started talking about how he wanted to remove all his body hair as it makes him feel dirty and he felt that he would be happier if he was completely hairless. I got v upset, as I have always had a bit of a thing for hairy men and had no issue with his back hair or any other.

He said that as we don't have sex often enough that my opinion on his body didn't really count and that if it made him happy I should support him. I said it made me feel sick that he wanted to do it and that I wouldn't ever be able to go near him, that it would be the end of our physical relationship.

He didn't do it, but now I know that's how he feels I can't look at him in the same way. I have lost respect for him and find him sexually repulsive. Please help me!

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

I think you're both making a huge issue out of nothing to be honest.

Who on earth cares whether someone has a hairy back or not? Does it matter so much to you?

It's his body let him do what he wants with it. I'll bet he won't do it for long. Will he really make regular appointments to have his body waxed at a salon?

You don't have to be either supportive or obstructive, just be non commital.

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

oh hang on, i've been had here haven't I

[TheEpilator]

What do you mean you've been had?! I did say that I'm not a troll if that's what you're referring to.

I likened it to me wanting to grow a lady-beard because "I thought it would make me happy", as he always boaks when he sees those TV programmes with hairy women on (of which I am one, despite several rounds of laser treatment).

Maybe because I am quite hairy I don't want him to be less hairy than me?

To me body hair on a man is a big deal - I like a silver-back gorilla-esque type of bloke, always have always will.

[Thingumy]

I think you both counselling over your hirsute 'issues'.

[babyhammock]

I'm with you OP...as in it would put me off..more because I find it slighly weird that a man would want to fanny around like that... plus I find men who obssess over their bodies v tedius

[TheEpilator]

Babyhammock, I think that's a big part of it. He's always been the type who doesn't care what people think of him, wears jeans and t-shirts, isn't vain at all. Then out of the blue I find that he's not happy with his entire body and wanting to start a massive grooming regime that even as a woman I wouldn't be arsed with. It's like I don't know who he is anymore.

[babyhammock]

Yup that's how I'd feel too. As for it being none of your business as you don't have sex enough.. nice .

Sorry, but do you think some woman or bloke that he fancies down the gym has said that they prefer him hairless?

[Thingumy]

Man decides to get rid of his body hair and this must mean that he is gay.

[LaurieFairyCake]

My dh Veets his buttock hair and the very tops of his thighs as he gets massive spots there from running.

It's not remotely unsexy to me thought it is a tiny bit entertaining as he basically has hairless 'pants' and the rest of his body is still hairy

It doesn't sound like you like each other much . Him for making digs at you for no sex and you for not having sex and finding him 'repulsive' when he's only talking about it.

[TheEpilator]

No I'm pretty sure he doesn't even speak to anyone there, but maybe seeing all the other hairy blokes in the pool made him question his appearance.

[TheEpilator]

Laurie, there are other issues, you're right. This is just one of those things that I can't get over for some reason. I suppose I feel like he was trying to punish me for not having sex with him, although he obviously denies that.

[LaurieFairyCake]

Why weren't you having sex with him before he raised this hair removal issue?

Are you not getting on?

[TheEpilator]

Thingumy, you're right it doesn't mean he's gay, but to me it feels a bit like he's confessed to wanting to wear women's clothes, that his masculinity has been compromised. If your man told you he wanted to wear your clothes do you think you might feel a bit ?

[babyhammock]

Thingmy that was tongue in cheek joking when I said that, didn't mean to offend. Sorry.

Eplilator its a mystery...
All the other hairy blokes in the pool... hairy cos they're blokes or maybe he saw a hirless man and liked the look?

Don't know what to suggest other than you have my sympathy x

[kaluki]

Sounds more about a lack of respect than about the actual body hair.
He wants to punish you for not having sex with him more and you are using sex to control him by threatening never to have sex with him again if he goes hairless.
My DP shaved his shoulders when we first met. I told him I love them a bit hairy anyway and didn't like the stubbly feeling as the hair grew back so he stopped doing it. If he had carried on shaving I would have still had sex with him because I love him - hairy or not!!

[ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow]

Are you upset about his desire to be hairless because of how it makes you feel, or about what it says about the way he feels about himself?

I ask because you mention upthread that you like him being hairier than you as you feel fairly hairy yourself... It strikes me that your husband's body shouldn't be a tool to shore up your own ego. How confident do you feel about your own body?

[TheEpilator]

Laurie, not getting on in lots of ways. I don't feel like he enjoys being with me except in bed, doesn't get involved with DCs, he was working away a lot last year, so felt a bit like a stranger when he was home. He spends money we don't have on 'toys' for himself, but makes me feel bad for spending on DCs/food/clothes etc.,

I feel like I'm on my own a lot, as even when he's here we have little in common. I started running to get fit and happy, then he joined gym. I thought it would be good to share a hobby and that we could both run and take DCs out on bikes at the weekends, but he prefers to go alone and started getting competitive about how far he'd run etc.

[Thingumy]

If my dh came out and revealed he was a cross dresser I would like to think we are mature enough and loved each other enough to sit down and talk about how we would deal with it-together.

The hair thing would not bother me.It's a personal choice to remove your own hair isn't it? I don't always shave my legs but my dh doesn't comment,it's my body and I will do what I want with it.,same goes if he wants to shave his head/back/arse.

[babyhammock]

But if he was spending huge amounts of time on his new grooming plan that involved no hair anywhere... even with the first flush of romance that would be a bit wearing. Also this is the complete opposite of his previous behviour

But yes I agree there are clearly other issues.

[TheEpilator]

Puppy, its probably a bit of both, but I don't really have an issue with my own body hair and I suppose it was just a shock to find that this proper blokey-man had such major issues with his own body. I own an epilator and used it often in the summer, but I don't bother all the time when my legs/pits aren't on display.

I did feel awful about my face for many years (since age of 10 other kids would mention it and call me names etc) but since laser treatment I am much more confident, but as its on display to everyone all the time to me it seems more important than whether your back or chest are hairy, which are only on display at the pool.

[babyhammock]

Sorry missed your last post eplilator... he sounds very obssessed with himself in other areas too. Sounds very lonely x

[babyhammock]

as in You mst be very lonely x

[ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow]

I don't feel like he enjoys being with me except in bed, doesn't get involved with DCs, he was working away a lot last year, so felt a bit like a stranger when he was home. He spends money we don't have on 'toys' for himself, but makes me feel bad for spending on DCs/food/clothes etc.,

I feel like I'm on my own a lot, as even when he's here we have little in common. I started running to get fit and happy, then he joined gym. I thought it would be good to share a hobby and that we could both run and take DCs out on bikes at the weekends, but he prefers to go alone and started getting competitive about how far he'd run etc.

What can you do about all these things that make you unhappy?

[NewbeeMummy]

I don't see why him not wanting to be hairy is an issue?

I quite like my men to shave and make a bit of an effort, I guess because if I've bloody well got shave my legs, pits and bikini line, and wax of bleach my upper lipper, it's good to know they realise how much effort I put in.

[TheEpilator]

Puppy, any suggestions gratefully received!

This weekend, I got ready and went out for a run before he could object, then arranged with a friend to meet up with all our DCs at the park, while DH went off on his own to the gym.

I have considered splitting up and am in the process of figuring out if its worth trying to sort it out or whether to just call it a day after 13 years.