Tired of men?

[AngiesBox]

Is it possible to turn gay because you are sick of men? Does this really happen? Do any of you know someone who this has happened to?

Someone told me that they don't believe people can choose to be gay, but I am much happier in the company of women than men.

Any thoughts?

[OneHandFlapping]

Do you fancy women? Do they turn you on sexually? Do you have sexual fantasies about women? Have you ever had a crush on a woman? Or fallen in love with one?

Or have all the above been with/for men only? because if so, you probably aren't gay.

I'm more comfortable in the company of women than men, and have often thought life would in some ways be more pleasant if I were gay because of this. But my sexuality is just not tuned in to women.

There does however seem to be a trend for older women, who've had a marriage or other long term relationship with a man, and had their families to then come out as gay. Isn't Mary Portas one of these? And I'm sure there are other examples. Does that mean they've now chosen to be gay, have become gay without choosing it, or that they always were gay and were for some reason unable to recognise it? Only they can answer this question.

[AngiesBox]

Im afraid I fit into the later category. I'm 42, and my children are almost grown-up. I divorced last year and I've been trying to date and meet new people.

I took a new job in the summer and i've got to be really good friends with a colleague. She basically told me she was gay almost straight away, she says she always has been, but didn't admit it until her marriage broke down.

I never really thought about any of this before. I mean I personally have never had any thoughts for women, but all the guys I meet are jerks! My friend keeps telling me that the sex is not important, and in any case i would get used to it.

Should i register on some lesbian dating sites?

[MenopausalHaze]

Women have issues too you know! Just because it's a lesbian relationship doesn't mean everything's going to be rosy 24/7. And anyway - how can you just 'turn' gay or bi? I'm not sure that's even possible!

[OneHandFlapping]

If your work colleague/friend is gay, and you are, or think you might be, wouldn't she go with you to pubs/clubs where gay women hang out, invite you to social situations with gay friends etc?

Lesbian dating sites seems a bit of a brutal start, especially if you're not sure of your sexuality.

[AngiesBox]

The point is that i dont identify myself as gay, more to the point, I have not admitted any curiousity to her. Im not sure how serious she is, but she often tries to encourage me (including trying to direct me to online material!) and I kind of jokingly laugh it off.

She often says that you fall in love with a person and not their sex. How can you argue with that? I've joined a few online communities and spent sometime talking with other women and so far i feel comfortable. I suppose I dont want anyone that I know to think I am gay or might be curious about it.

[busybusybust]

I dunno - you either fancy women or you don't.

I don't, and never will, but I have noticed that women who are very badly treated by men, and always have been, sometimes come out as gay, and do live happily ever after.

[Dutchie77]

Well, you can fancy woman for sex only, or you could fantasize about having a relationship with a woman because woman understand each other better.....

I fancy people in general, and I found my partner to be a man. But I had female relationships too. So AngiesBox, you are not weird, not strange, but only fed up and curious. It doesn't mean your gay AT ALL. But who cares what you are, as long as you are happy. Maybe you should try to explore that side of you. Keep on talking to woman who are also female orientated.

Good luck!

[AngiesBox]

Dutchie, I've fantasised over having a relationship with a woman but it hasn't progressed onto anything else yet. I'm still wrestling with the idea of being physical, although it's much less weird an idea than when I started out.

Thanks for the advice.