Being single is fine BUT I can't bear not having any sex at all

[FannyNil]

Serious post. Vibrators are OK but not a substitute for real sex. I cope but am finding it increasingly difficult. I wish I liked being celibate but I don't. I need to have sex and, now in my late 50s despite still taking a pride in my appearance, pursuing interests, with an interesting job etc realise that I am invisible to men. I am incredibly upset by the thought that I might never have sex again. Any kindred spirits out there?

[LittleWarmHouse]

Fanny don't panic! You are only invisible if you feel you are. It's partly a confidence trick. If you want to meet men you need to get out there and become visible. Have you read the dating thread? This topic is often discussed there.

[SolidGoldVampireBat]

Do you want NSA sex or a relationship of some kind? If it's NSA sex have you considered a swingers' club? (You don't have to have sex in front of other people, there are always rooms with doors you can close - and you can also make contact with men for meet-ups later). A lot of swingers - the majority in fact - are a lot less hung up on everyone having to be under 35 to be considered desirable.

[SnapesMistress]

Swingers club would be good for casual sex, they are always looking for women there and you will likely get free entry.

Don't really know what to suggest wrt finding a relationship since I have always just fallen into them and am still in my 20's so different social circs. There is a good internet dating thread on here though that you could look at. There is also things like speed-dating that is often organised according to age etc.

If your not interested in that kind of 'artificial' set up how about going out to pubs more often or getting involved in some group activities or clubs. Take some evening classes.

[Aliceinboots]

If it's just sex you're after, there are plenty of internet sites (Adultfriendfinder being one), DH's ex used to be a member. She was still married to DH at the time, hence why she's now an ex.
He discovered a print out of her profile pic, just her arse and legs-a-kimbo as she lay posing on their bedroom floor. It was the carpet he idenitfied first.
Anyway, she found great for getting lots of strings-free extra-marital sex.
You didn't have to be cheating to register as a member.
If you're looking for lurve too, how about a tradional dating site? Am sure there are members of all ages.

[Pakdooik]

Alice

"It was the carpet he idenitfied first."

Is a true coffee all over the keyboard moment!

[Aliceinboots]

Well I suppose one fanny looks much like another. Not sure I could pick my own out of a line-up TBH.
Or DH's cock come to that!

[itsalladirtylie]

it's vital to keep interior décor out of profile pictures when involved in surreptitious online dating!

[coffeesleeve]

I definitely found this too - love(d) being single, but really wanted sex!

I didn't swing, but I did internet date with the explicit notion of only wanting to DATE, not have a relationship. Definitely be upfront about not wanting a relationship - a friend-with-benefits can be lovely & fun.

Have you ever heard of the book/play "A Round-Heeled Woman"? A lady did just this: put an advert up saying she would like to have lots of lovely, fun sex with a nice man, and got a ton of responses.

I recommend OKCupid, myself. Just be upfront about not wanting A Relationship so you don't break any hearts. And HAVE FUN! :)

[beatenbyayellowteacup]

Coffeesleeve did you meet any men who were shaggable? Everytime I've suggested I didn't want a relationship on an internet dating site I've just ended up with really weird men who I couldn't imagine shagging.

What am I doing wrong?!

[sillymillyb]

Ahhh I had to add - as a tangent - my ex was on adultfriendfinder too (when he was with me) I recognised our bathroom. Distinctive tiles and shampoo. Because nothing says sexy quite like a photo of your willy when its floating in the bath.....

I know pof is meant to be for dating, but when I was on there I found lots of men looking for NSA sex so perhaps its worth trying there - and then if you do want something more, it would also let you meet men who were looking for the same.

I too am single, so I feel your pain. Good luck :)

[MittzyTheValiantVole]

Similar here.......
Have a couple of interested parties at the moment but am wary of them being a bit close to home, and not being able to handle it if they want 'more'......
I'd like something very private......

[itsalladirtylie]

@beatenbyayellow, you might be better off using some kind of no strings dating site?
In my experience you do have to wade through alot of unsuitable responses but you will get alot of responses, 30 or 40 + per day, and there will be some shaggable men.
it is a bit of a pain conducting 'interviews' mind you but I find the success rate improves as you get better at managing the whole thing.
At first I found that 90% of the interviewee's were definite no's, this has now dropped to around 60%

[mammya]

i'm in the same boat... I've tried a few dating sites, but making it clear I don't want a relationship: three months on, no luck. There's been a few promising emails exchanges that petered out to nothing, I have met a few men but no one I wanted to meet again, let alone have sex with!

SGB, how would I go about finding a swingers' club?

[beatenbyayellowteacup]

itsalladirtylie that's a manageable ratio. Can you recommend a NSA
site?

[mammya]

itsalladirtylie, how do you carry out your interviews, face to face or by email or by phone? I find that I can eliminate a lot of men by email but need to the face to face meeting to judge.

I've tried a no strings dating site but I have to confess I was scared off by all the cock photos... Maybe I should try again!

[itsalladirtylie]

@beatenbyayellow, plently of adult fish, it's a bit sleazy, and loads of sleazy sites feed into one big sleazy site... but there is some wheat amongst the chaff.

@mamaya, for a final interview I'd arrange a very quick coffee &chat meeting..and try to have only half an hour available.
I have to admit I really hate and dread meeting strangers, crap at small talk and alot of the time I am bored stupid and just want to escape.
But I have met a few men who are really really fun to be with in the bedroom.

[mammya]

The other problem I have is, where to go to do the deed? I am not keen on letting a virtual stranger into my house, even less keen to go to their house, and hotels are quite pricey! In-car fumbles are not appealing at all...

[itsalladirtylie]

mammya, I always made sure I felt comfortable enough with the other person to either invite him to my place, or go to his, before doing any deeds

[mammya]

Thanks for your replies Itsalladirtylie! So does that mean you'd meet them a few times then, or have you ever felt comfortable straight away with someone? The few I have met, there was no spark, not a shred of chemistry... I tend to meet them quickly as I don't find email conversations easy.

[itsalladirtylie]

I'd always have the one coffee & chat type meeting, then go away & think about it. If I wasnt sure about him I'd not arrange a further ('private') meeting.

I dont see the problem with a couple of dates before you make up your mind about whether you want to sleep with someone, it's just that I was usually bored ridgid with the chat after one meeting (i'm not very sociable!)

[Taghain]

You're only invisible to some men, there are plenty both younger & older who will be keen to meet you both for relationships and sex. My dear widowed aunt pulled a very nice man when she was 78.
Do meet first somewhere public for a short time, just to check the chemistry.

[coffeesleeve]

beatenbyayellowteacup I did, but it took a lot of "sh*t-sifting" (as I termed it!) plus I did lower my standards a bit. It's just my preference, but I was more open to boffing Mr Not-Quite-My-Type than I would have been to having a relationship with him, especially since I knew I could, well.... get what I wanted off him, then ask him to leave

[beatenbyayellowteacup]

that is a very good point

[ParsleyTheLioness]

My problem is, I seem to meet Princes who then slowly turn back into frogs who are not all they seem.

[itsalladirtylie]

I can relate to that but would suggest that there is a tendency to be on best behaviour when you first get to know someone.
Also to be wearing rose coloured specs and see what you want to see in the other.

The two things combined would, in part, account for the slide from prince to frog or princess to newt