Long Story and Im not sure where to start.
H and I have been together for 18 years and have 3 DC'S together, the youngest DD is just over one.
Last summer DH told me he didnt love me anymore and wanted to leave, I begged him to stay and he agredd to "give it another go" but told me his feelings for me had changed and that he no longer felt that he was "in love" with me. Devastated, I spent six weeks trying to be the perfect wife while he was cold and unfeeling towards me.Then discovered that he had been phoning and texting his deputy at work (a woman in her early fifties).
He denied it was anything more than friendship, but things didnt add up, I did lots of digging, delved into his browser history and discovered that he had been planning a walking holiday with work colleagues and had been looking at posh hotels, Im not an idiot and I deduced he had been planning a mucky weekend away. He consistently denied anything more than friendship and continued working with her closely. I found text messages on his phone that suggested they were very familiar with each other. I put two and two together and realised that he had in fact spent a lot of time with this woman socially and had suffered from mentionitis for several months. I realised that their closeness had been well established before I gave birth and begged him to admit an affair, but he denied it.
We carried on, after Christmas but he was distant, I noticed that she didnt give him a birthday card which I thought suspicious as he claimed she was such a good friend, I guess it wasnt for my eyes. Eventually in April, he admitted an emotional affair, no more. I bought Not Just Friends and begged him to read it, he refused.
A few weeks later I asked him to work at our marriage otherwise leave, he said he wanted to make things work and I asked him to text the OW and tell her there would be no more contact outside work. He sent the text, then immediately became cold towards me. The next day, he left me and went to hers.c laiming that he was in love with her. Two hours later he was back saying it was a horrible mistake and he didnt want to lose us.
I foolishly gave him another chance.
Since then he has behaved as if nothing happened, refuses to discuss OW and claims he was never intimate with her,in the summer she texted him from work and actually started the text with "I know Im not supposed to text"
This weekend he was off work, his mobile rang three times then stopped, it was her, he looked really flustered and said she must have phoned by mistake.
Am I being taken for a complete fool here? My friends say he probably slept with her and its definitely not just friends. I know thats probably the case. The night he said he wanted to leave me, he texted her eight times and rang her 
I feel so stressed and miserable
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Am I being taken for a complete fool?
MugShot · 02/11/2011 21:27
It sounds suspicious to me. This has been going on a long time, no wonder you feel stressed and sad. I think the signs are blatantly there, whether he wants to admit it or not. What do you want to do? Ask him to leave his job and try to mend your relationship, try counselling...or do you want to put an end to this?
I don't think he's necessarily going to admit anything any time soon...
buzzskeleton-she is divorced so has nothing to lose but I suspect she told him to go home
we still have a good sex life, but he never tells me he loves me
Mugshot? who gives a flying crap about what she thinks, cares etc etc? Stop focussing on her.
yes, yes, the unfair dismissal thing is potentially an issue, but the woman ought to fuck scuttle off back under her rock... but then again, if HE'S not decisively told her to step off....
he IS shagging her. If she is hiding everytime you go into the office and she rang him 3 times this weekend, there is still shit going on.
You need to TELL him to go, and that you won't have him back till he's passed an STI test (apparently they REALLY hurt.. 
)
By not stamping on this, he's somehow taking this as your permission to carry on.
he's not facing up to what he's done, he's not making it up to you, he's not being honest and open with you, all of the ABSOLUTE ESSENTIALS required for a couple to survive an affair.
You need to get legal advice, look into what you'd be likely to get in a settlement. Perhaps THAT would shock this slinking cheat into sipping his trousers back up?
Hissy-she rang three rings, rather than three seperate occasions IYSWIM. but it was the look on his face that said it all.
I know everything Im entitled to and sought legal advice earlier in the year, even going as far as starting divorce proceedings, but you are right, theres been no honesty, if he wanted it to work, he would admit the lot and look for another job
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