I have not posted before but have been lurking. I will just jump straight in. I have had mental health problems for decades. In my opinion personality disorder but dx depression/anxiety, social anxiety. Terrible childhood, abuse etc. Basically I had my son while still a child myself (teenager) and first my mother (now dead) then an older sister stepped in way too much and I didn't really bond with him; though I got on with it, I was very flat around him, and also had alcohol and abusive-relationship issues around him.
My family (with my sister at the centre) were and are the light, warmth and love he needs (he is now an adult with a child of his own). I built up a good relationship with him as an adult (as separate as possible from rest of family) but recently a visit to him left me feeling knocked back.
He is very down and I feel worried sick about him. He is not getting on with his partner and has developed some mh issues. Of course I feel responsible and am trying to face up to how things were for him when he was little (he started to talk about that when I saw him).
The problem (for me) is that my sister is still there at the heart of it all again, taking over, controlling everythinng - I actually feel like ending it all (not going to - just thoughts). I just want to see my son and his little family on my own but somehow she is always there in spirit if not actually there. She has no boundaries. I recently accepted some money from her - should I send it back? I feel so isolated and have recently been discharged from CMHT.
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violetsrblue · 26/10/2011 12:05
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