Charbon - Actually, I really believe the opposite is the case. Most young men naturally assume that orgasm is inextricably and exclusively linked with intercourse. Partly because it happens easily that way for them, and partly because we're conditioned by the media to see it that way for both sexes - the shared orgasm during penetration as the ultimate "goal" and indication that the sex has "worked".
It tends to only be those of us with a relatively low degree of machismo who can let go of the "achievement" aspect and accept that it's not really like that.
Take for example babyhammock's little comment - I'm not sure whether it was about my being unqualified to say, or whether it was suggesting that I'm accidentally admitting I'm not a very good lover (because so many of them women I've slept with haven't come during intercourse).
If it's the latter, then it's a perfectly funny and OK joke, to me. But you have to understand that a huge number of men with an insecure sense of their masculinity take jokes like that very seriously, and focus all their sexual concern on the fact that their partner doesn't come from penetration alone, when they would do far better for their relationships by approaching all the possibilities more open-mindedly. Not perpetuating the myth of a man's sexual value being entirely measured by his partner's orgasms during penetration, would do far more good for women than telling men they're not trying hard enough.
You may well be right though about some men not being willing enough to discuss doing it differently, I don't know. I would just say that there's a danger of the OP taking that as the solution, and finding it still doesn't make any difference (because she just isn't built that way). She may then be even more frustrated, plus resenting her partner for his perceived failing, when really there's no problem in the first place.
I think part of the problem is that women vary hugely in this respect - far more than men. There are women who come quickly and easily and over again from penetration alone; women who never come at all; and everything in between. As such I may, paradoxically, be more qualified in my opinion as I've experienced a more varied sample than most people here.