Longish story and I've name changed but please bear with me. I left my abusive ex two years ago and being with him was a hugely damaging experience which just compounded the effects of an abusive childhood (I'm a Stately Homer). So more by accident than design I got chatting online with an old friend/flame from twenty years ago. Initially I thought nothing more of it than friendship, but pretty quickly it became clear that the original attraction between us was still there. We talked online and by phone for many months more as we live a long way away from each other.
So after lots of chatting and back and forth I went to see him for a few days in July. And it was idyllic, perfect and all the rest - we didn't stop talking the whole time and lots of great sex. The first day when we ended up in bed (we managed to wait all of four hours!) he just said all this amazing stuff about how great I was, lots of nice things and paid me the greatest compliment ever. It was all slightly overwhelming and scary, also I didn't really say the same sort of things back. At one point I said 'you're lovely' and then thought he said 'I love you too'. Slight panic so I said 'no, I didn't say I loved you, I said you're lovely' and he said 'I know, I said you're lovely too'. A bit later on he said 'I love you' (I'm really pretty sure he did say this) but recovered it into 'I love you..r '.
The rest of the time we cooled the affection and intimacy down a bit as that first day had been so full on, but still had a great time, completely in synch. When I left, I thought we had reached an understanding that we were in a relationship (he'd been using this word for a while before we met) but both knew the reality of our lives (distance, kids, jobs) meant we wouldn't see each other that often. He's also just a year after a damaging break up with a real freak of a woman who treated him so badly and he has told me how very wary he is of getting invovled again.
In the following month we talked on line but not as much, not intimately and he didn't phone anymore. When I brought this up a couple of times he shrugged it off. Eventually after a month he said he didn't want a long-term relationship and I've hardly heard anything from him since. I'm just so shocked and saddened, I think about him all the time and desperately want him back in my life. My question is, which of these do you think is the reason he changed his mind:
- He's just not that into me
- He met someone else
- He loves me but thinks I don't love him (I think I do, I'm just more of a slow burner)
4.The timing is wrong for him and I just have to wait and see if he comes back
I just don't know what to do, I'm in my forties but this is only the second time I've ever felt this way. We get on so well, are on the same wavelength and have this incredible physical attraction. I want to tell him I love him and want him back - but I can't can I?