Ds1 has gone for pre uni holiday and dd has been crying for an hour. Didn't expect this

[Pagwatch]

She is watching Dr Who having got so tired and snotty that she just wants to flop and rest.

I didn't expect it to hit her so hard. She says she just doesn't want things to change and that she will miss him and nothing will ever be good like it was.

Poor old thing

[Hulababy]

How old is she?

Poor DD. Must be hard suddenly having everything you ar eused to at home change so dramatically. My sister is 10 years younger than me and I know she found it difficult when I went to university and double hard when my brother also went the year after.

[Northernlurkerr]

Oh poor her! It must be really odd. I'm dreading thsi with my three - though I have a few years yet - they are just such a gang. Dd2 and dd3 will be v mournful without dd1 to boss them about How old is dd Pag? Would she be able to go and stay with ds1 maybe?

[aStarInStrangeways]

i felt much the same when my brother went to uni, esp since my boyfriend and loads of friends went at the same time. at least you've noticed Pag...my folks didn't.

i spent a lot of time hiding out and commiserating with my friends. it turned out ok.

[AngryFeet]

Ah that's sad but lovely that they are so close :) My brother and I were very close until teenage years hit and now we barely speak :( Much nicer for yours although tough when they miss each other.

[noteventhebestdrummer]

Is there anything you and she can do more of when he is away? Stuff she likes I mean? Might help to soften the blow. And she can do new stuff with him like text jokes and swapping facebook pics?

[bigTillyMint]

But lovely that she obviously loves him.

[challengedanneka]

Oh bless her - that's so sweet

[CrosswordAddict]

Pagwatch I think it is harder for the one left at home. The one at uni is coping with all sorts of new challenges and the one at home is just left with a gap to think about.
Needs a new playmate? A puppy? Sorry if this is not what you want me to say.

[Pagwatch]

She is 8. Same gap as your sister hulababy
Dh has just taken her out to cheer her up.

It probably was good that it all came out in a burst. I know they are close but she is very 'steady' and I hadn't thought about her taking it so hard.

It is her birthday on Saturday so he won't be here for that. He is doing a big cycle trip through the alps and will be gone until about three days before he goes to uni.

Visiting is a good thought. I think I will take her to settle him in. We can stay over or something. And I will try and make sure she knows when she is next seeing him - I have been a bit vague about that.

Yes, niteventhebestdrummer. It is quite lucky timing. We are getting a new dog which we will make her dog. That will distract her.

It was good too that ds1 saw it too. He got quite choked. At least he will not think it is just me blaming her for all the need for visits

Oh bugger. I am quite teary too

[Pagwatch]

_ at expost crosswordaddict.

[Mirandax]

Ah! that is lovely.
Look - regard this as a success story. She doesn't want things to change because she likes things as they are. She will adjust very quickly - and you are obviously very aware and sensitive to the situation.
And, it is great that your son is aware enough to recognise the situation as well.
All in all, this sounds like a very healthy set up to me.

[2rebecca]

It's nice she cares for her brother, I suspect her age is part of her being so upset, I was the eldest and when I went to university by teenage younger sibs werea bit upset but absorbed in their own stuff, plus my brother was delighted to get my (larger) bedroom.
Not sure about the hanging around whilst "settling her in". My parents hung around for an hour or 2 helping but in general I wanted to chat to the folk living in adjacent rooms and start being a student and living the student life. No-one's parent hung around for hours or came back the next day. That was over 20 years ago though, things may have changed. Don't be upset if he would obviously rather you went so he could start making friends.
Ensuring he has a computer with internet access and skype so he can update you may be better for both your children, although I was rubbish at keeping in touch in my first term as I was so busy and loved it, it was also pre internet and mobiles though and queuing for phones and having enough change was a hassle for a thoughtless teenager.

[bigTillyMint]

The dog is a great idea!

Is he going far away to uni?

[2rebecca]

The dog will make visiting your son harder though as someone will have to be found to look after it. I'm not a dog person though and to me dogs just seem to tie you to the house and stop you going away for weekends or spending the day anywhere nondog friendly.
I'd spend more time with her doing 8 year old girl stuff, she may enjoy having more of the focus on her as teenagers and their exam stuff, strops etc can dominate a household.

[Pagwatch]

He is going to uni bigtilly. Exeter which is a few hours from us but do-able at the weekends.

2rebecca. It's alright actually -we already have a dog so have loads of things in place for when we go away on holiday or at weekend.
I wouldn't cramp his style at uni. I give him loads of space here and I wouldn't start intruding just because he has moved. I was just thinking more that she could come with us when we drop him and them we will stay in a hotel or something - make a weekend of it.

I am sure you are right Mirandax. I am glad she talked about it rather than going off to her room.

Thank you all. I feel a bit better.
Although I wish the little shit had called to say he landed safely