So how would you describe your relationship with yourself?

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

How do you see yourself, and what kind of relationship do you have with yourself?

How does it work on a day to day basis? what is your inner monologue like? What gestures and behaviours show how you see/ feel about yourself?

What cues do you think you give to others about the way you feel about yourself? what unconscious cues give away the true nature of your relationship?

(mine is screwed up and i want to get some insight and understanding from others)...

on go, please share, I am so interested to understand...

[fortyplus]

I used to be very hard on myself. These days I've come to realise that - whilst I'm not the wonderful, intelligent, successful, beautiful slim person I'd like to be I'm actually ok. Ask yourself if you'd swap lives with x or bodies with y.

I now give myself credit for being reasonably intelligent, sort of attractive in an outdoorsy way, a good mum (mostly) and pretty popular. I've even come to realise that quite a few people who know me actually admire me! That seems strange!!

You're probably way too tough on yourself - I know I used to be.

[minko]

I'd say what Fortyplus said. Maybe cos I'm fortyplus too and am pretty comfortable with who I am these days. I can get plagued by massive insecurity from time to time though. I try not to do too much comparing with other people, just concentrate on trying to be myself. I believe in karma and treating others as I'd like to be treated and that might be naive but it keeps me sane.

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

oh you relaxed and sorted fourty somethings you.

i have realised that i do like some bits of me, these are overwhelmed by the self hatred and negativity in my head!

I rate other people over myself, and treat them well at the expense of me, and i think thats why people treat me badly in return... but its a tricky habit to shed.

I also have this incredibly judgemental and criticising inner monologue, which i can;t turn off, so this may seem a stupid question, but, how do you speak to yourself in your head?!

[LynetteScavo]

I'm a really bad influence on myself. I lead myself astray far too often.

I tell myself to live for the moment, and stuff saving for tomorrow, or that I can should go ahead and drink a bottle of wine...stuff the calories and the hangover.

I have no idea what cues I give out or what others think of me. I think I manage to convince people I'm sensible and in control.

[FabbyChic]

I'm deep down an emotional wreck. I'm too agressive not with anything I do but with my words. I guess you could say I'm anti-social, but never around people only verbally on the phone and online.

I was seeing a therapist for Schema but chose to work instead. I'm 47 and too set in my ways for a personality transplant!

[reelingintheyears]

Happy in my own skin.
Like my own company.
Like company sometimes too.

[FabbyChic]

I like my own company too.

Don't need people, used to but have got used to being alone a lot the past four years.

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

FabbyChic, am curious, you answered by describing yourself, but I don't get a sense of whether you hold yourself in much esteem/ affections (i am dense!)...

am intrigued, cos I could read your post in a 'i have a crap relationship with myself, because i am anti-social blah blah blah' OR 'i am rather fond of myself, warts and all, and i like the fact that i am too set in my ways to change'...

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

lynette, god i could do with a bit of that! i have just realised that i BORE myself! mostly i talk / think to myself like a abusive mean ranty bully, but then try and go a bit fluffy and gentle and feathery soft touches... but really, where is the sense of fun and mischievousness...

plots how to lead self astray...

[reelingintheyears]

Maybe preview message before you post sometimes Fabby..

[LemonDifficult]

I am moody with myself
I am hard on myself
Luckily, I find myself hilariously amusing and can laugh a lot with myself

[malinkey]

Have you ever tried positive affirmations? My counsellor has recommended them - I started off thinking it was all a bit mumbo jumbo but it does seem to be helping. Thinking about it I can trace most of my problems in past relationships and lack of self-esteem to my own negative thoughts which then result in negative moods (anxiety, panic attacks) and actions (lacking boundaries, staying in abusive relationships).

I guess the positive affirmations eventually replace the negative inner critic. So if you tell yourself that you can turn your negative self-talk off then you will start to believe it.

[garlicnutter]

My relationship with myself is in a state of flux, thank you for asking.

I'm nowhere near as hard on myself as I used to be, but neither do I respect myself as much as I deserve. I spend quite a lot of days being paralysed by boring debates between my old, self-persecuting inner voice and the new, weaker but more legitimate, self-caring one.

I used to look at myself, or photos of me, and think "Ugly! Fat!" I was neither. I caught myself in the mirror, just now, and my first thought was "I look nice." You probably wouldn't think I look particularly nice right now, but there's no need to look particularly nice. I look like me, and I like it. This is good.

Violent feelings, thoughts, actions and words used to be so much part of the fabric of my life that I didn't even notice. That's changed 98%. I'm not so bothered about the two percent.

I keep looking at the kitchen cupboards I painted the other day and admiring my work The main achievement here is that they are not perfectly painted - far from it. But instead of fixating on the flaws, I'm seeing the overall effect and finding it good.

I'm a work in progress. I will be 'in progress' to the day I die, and that's more than okay. It's tough going sometimes, but the rewards are worthwhile and the process is interesting :)

So, Double, how about you?

By the way, you gave me something valuable in another post this evening, where you said about realising you were already living your worst fears and how liberating it can be. Thank you!

[malinkey]

Not that that is a good example of a positive affirmation at all.

[Selks]

I have a good relationship with myself. I have a pleasantly 'rich' inner life (sorry if that sounds like a boast - don't know how else to describe it)...I enjoy my thoughts and reflections, and I enjoy my own company (as well as enjoying being sociable). It wasn't always like that... I spent most of my teenage and young adult years not appreciating or valuing myself at all, not knowing what I felt or liked or anything. It feels lovely now to have more knowledge and appreciation of myself.

I have my issues like anyone else however, and I am a flawed human being like the rest of us, but I've learned to like myself and be kind to myself, and it feels good.

One quirk is that I have very poor perception of how others see me. I'm usually oblivious if someone fancies me or whatever.

[Selks]

God, I sound so smug sorry.

[FabbyChic]

I've a severe lack of self-esteem, I'm a paranoid fruit cake! ha

I've BPD. I know my faults and I have many.

[greengirl87]

very very insecure. I had my daughter at 20 and feel judged by this and feel like people are waiting for me to fail, so put pressure on myself to succeed. I have zero body confidence, constantly scrutinise every part of my body (except my hair which i love) and struggle to name one thing that i think im good at which really gets me down. If you met me you would think i was super confident, but its an act (a very difficult one to maintain).

[Selks]

That really DOES sound smug

I wouldn't normally come out with all of that, but you did ask.....

[Selks]

sorry, was referring to my post

[reelingintheyears]

We've all got our faults Fabby.

Victoria sponge?

[Fairenuff]

What a great thread! You will get loads of responses, I bet.

Me? OMG I could not live with myself. I am a control freak (but only a very mild version). I am also fortyplus and know myself, accept myself (not quite ready to love myself but getting there). Luckily my family love me and I am my own worst critic

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

wow all these posts are so interesting, and all very different, which is again very interesting... my early hypothesis is that everyone has a unique relationship with themselves (very wise i am!)... hummmm,

fairenuff, i hope you are right, cos this is really engaging me...

so do other people not have a running commentary and judgements on all their thoughts, deeds and omissions? hummmm

[DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved]

Selks, doesn;t sound smug, sounds lovely! love the description of a rich inner life...

For me, mine is a howling vacuum, or a judge in session marking me down for a lifetime in purgatory... I only recently realised that i don't really have a self, and have no idea what i am like, or what defines me, so i don't really have a relationship with myself yet, as i have to find myself and greet her...

[MilkandWine]

I am a really insecure person, I care far too much about what others think and rely on other too much to make me happy. But at the same time I go to great pains to disguise the fact from people because I hate to appear 'needy'. I'm terribly sensitive yet I take pains to hide it from people as I don't want to appear 'weak'.

I actually think that I'm quite a decent person if I'm honest and sometimes I get so so upset at the fact that life is really hard for me at the moment. Trouble is I'm a contradiction in terms though, part of me wants to be settled down and secure and the other part is terrified of living a 'boring' life. I've been told by more than one person that I will never be happy and they are probably right. Yet at the same time I'm not a misery, people seem to find me amusing and to enjoy my company.

I work hard to stay slim and look as attractive as I can (always have hair, make up done, diet, work out 4 times a week). I wouldn't say it makes any difference though, I know people who could give a toss about what they look like who have much happier lives than me. So sometimes I wonder why I bother and don't just have that 3rd slice of cake