(have also posted this in step parenting but wanted some other thoughts)
not sure I can help him more, or if I need to address my thoughts or what.
anyhow, am due any day really with DC with DP. his first bio child my second.
DP is a fantastic step dad to both his other step son & my son, he's v v hands on v v active loves silly play, for his part I feel can be a little strict, but likewise he thinks I can be a little soft - mostly we rub along on this front quite well. sometimes I probably do stick up for DS quite firmly and the result is DP feeling that DS & I don't want him around. which we very much do.
Usually DS plays up when he's been let down by his dad - i've taken steps for XH to actually start telling DS himself when he can't come & why instead of protecting XH, however we're still left with the fall out - perfectly normal.
DP for his part is v patient & understanding, & trys v hard with DS, but he's admitted to finding it hard when DS pushes him away & his buttons, & basically wonders why he bothers. (other times when DS is let down by his dad he won't let DP out of his sight, and will literally want to be doing everything with him)
I've tried to explain to DP that DS for his part, is trying to make sense of everything - after all his dad left us when he was 18 months old, he gets let down by his dad prob once a month at least, and in his child logic is trying to work out if DP will do the same, likewise DP in some respects I think is worried about blending too much and fully taking on the role again incase things go wrong again and likewise he gets hurt himself - think there's insecurities all around tbh with both not wanting to get too hurt.
maybe i'm over analysising this, but likewise I don't want to have an unsettled DS who's got a lot of big changes atm going on in his life, or a DP who can't get on with my child when he's my other child's father.
DS is 5, so still teeny, which I think sometimes also frustrates DP, as I keep reminding him DS is 'only 5' but likewise you can't project adult feelings onto a child.
help - does it get easier?
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help me to understand dp & blend things better.
9 replies
davidtennantsmistress · 17/08/2011 10:26
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