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A quick peck on the lips from a male friend, what does it mean?

(303 Posts)
waitingfornaru Thu 11-Aug-11 16:50:50

I have been chatting to a man virtually every night on facebook for a couple of years. He's a family friend, we occasionally cross paths. Our conversations on there are mildly flirty every so often but neither of us like to progress into anything uncouth online.

Every night otherwise, near enough, talk about anything and everything. We don't use the Chat function or send private messages to eachother (Ok, about 2 each in two years), my reason mainly because he's already told me things like everytime he logs on, particular women always instantly send him messages, so I don't want to be like that. I also agree with him that there's nothing we can't say in 'public' on facebook, so no need for private messaging.

At a family wedding, we had our first real opportunity to sit and talk to eachother for several hours, having previously only been in the company of other family members or similar, here we were pretty much together most of the night, having both drunk, but him only a couple of pints, I gave him the usual hug goodbye and a kiss on the cheek, but he gave me a quick peck on the lips. It wasn't a misjudged aim.

What does that peck mean?

Everyone says that he likes me, but if this is alluded to in facebook conversations we both deliberately ignore it and try to change the subject!

We are both single by the way and in early 40s, both out of very long-term relationships exactly two years ago, both of us.

LittleHousebytheRiver Thu 11-Aug-11 17:02:05

What would you like it to mean?

waitingfornaru Thu 11-Aug-11 17:11:21

I'd like it to mean he wants to snog me to the floor :D but he's either very cautious or just not that interested in me sad

BertieBotts Thu 11-Aug-11 17:12:26

I think you should jump him wink

BertieBotts Thu 11-Aug-11 17:13:01

It's the facebook conversations which are shouting it loud and clear to me, BTW.

waitingfornaru Thu 11-Aug-11 17:27:57

BertieBotts Do you think so? I worry if I'm reading too much into it. I seem to have begun thinking about him a lot, like if I see something in the shops or on TV I will think, crumbs so-and-so would love that.

But in two years, he has not asked me out sad It's all wishful thinking, isn't it? I don't know what I'd do anyway if he did, I haven't dated in ten years and how can I with very young children? was all just lovely and fluid talking on facebook until that 'kiss', perhaps it was accidental, either way, it only lasted a nanosecond, not lingering, but enough to put a lightning bolt through me. Although I'm one of those people suffers from wanton electrical static, perhaps it was our proximity to the car at the time made me feel like that.

At the end of the day, I have such huge respect for him, he is so lovely, I love talking to him at night, he makes me feel less lonely. I need to nip this in the bud don't I before I start to have feelings for him, that won't do at all.

MrGin Thu 11-Aug-11 17:29:41

I wouldn't kiss anyone on the lips unless I wanted to move in a more intimate direction.

JanMorrow Thu 11-Aug-11 17:31:02

ask him out for lunch or a coffee or something, go awwwn.

waitingfornaru Thu 11-Aug-11 17:35:06

Could it be that he just has friendly affection for me do you think? ie I respect you, like you but don't fancy you or want anything else with you. That's it, think I have cracked it!

waitingfornaru Thu 11-Aug-11 17:36:27

I would JanMorrow but I'm kinda old-fashioned and prefer the man to do the asking. I also don't want to risk losing him as a friend if he thought I might want to take things gently further.

MrGin Thu 11-Aug-11 17:39:53

friendly affection is usually expressed with the old cheek kiss. he may feel uncertain about what you would like. maybe he's quite shy. like I said planting a kiss on the lips is a subtle step up from on the cheek.

dangalf Thu 11-Aug-11 18:00:35

I think it was a tester - he's upping the ante a bit without going for broke. I'm guessing he came out of a long term relationship 2 years ago? If so he could be nervous etc. so imo - ask him out.

dangalf Thu 11-Aug-11 18:02:06

Oh sorry - just saw your post that you want him to do the asking - in that case, if he is of a nervous/shy disposition then you need to drop massive hints. Trust me, as a bloke, I required almighty hints from a girl before I became confident she liked me.

waitingfornaru Thu 11-Aug-11 18:03:28

MrGin, he is quite shy, you're right.

Guess I just need another opportunity for a goodbye scenario, so I can see if it happens again.

But my goodness, I sure do like goodbyes now!

BertieBotts Thu 11-Aug-11 18:04:52

These little TV things or things you see in shops - do you tell him that you saw these things and thought of him? That would be a good hint that you're thinking of him even when you don't talk.

MrGin Thu 11-Aug-11 18:07:22

... agree with dan. i always felt I needed almighty hints. was completely paraniod that I'd offend otherwise.

honeyandsalt Thu 11-Aug-11 18:14:25

Oh ffs you're 40 not 14, ask the man for a drink, you can have a few gins and a laugh with a man without it meaning you're sitting up a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G .

I have friends who circled one another for YEARS before getting it together. You only live once.

waitingfornaru Thu 11-Aug-11 18:15:40

Ah dangalf, but how do I let him know I like him and would wish to take things very gently further? ~ I don't want to tell him straight, I'd be too scared of losing him for good if he didn't think the same.

What kind of scenario, what words?

How the heck do people ever get together in the first place! :D

I can't ask him out, that's making it too obvious and he seems to have some problems with women being very direct with him via facebook, ie letting him know when their husband's out of town sort of thing.

I have a crushing feeling I should just let it be and just remain as we always were, that I might be one of very women if not the only one who isn't chasing him down the garden path right now. Perhaps he needs that. It's so hard holding myself back though, he's so beautiful inside and out <sigh>.

I'm overthinking...I think.

There was alcohol involved after all, though I think only 3 or 4 pints on his side.

Thankyou for all your replies so far, I will report back if I ever have another opportunity to kiss him back like that, unlikely I know.

JanMorrow Thu 11-Aug-11 18:23:53

slip him the tongue

waitingfornaru Thu 11-Aug-11 18:27:11

honeyandsalt ... I know, I see what you're saying, but I'm two years out of a quite abusive relationship, I need to take things slower than usual. That he has the intuitive blessing of all my family and friends thus far is a good sign though, I trust their instincts ~ they all had huge misgivings about my last relationship from day one.

BertieBotts .... I may have done? Can't remember, he has certainly done so, like he has dropped into conversations before such as, 'I was telling my brother about your love of (this hobby)'.

Another thing, he calls me 'gorgeous' sometimes on facebook when saying goodbye usually in the very early hours when no-one else is online anyway, then deletes it after a few minutes, enough time for me to read it.

But he isn't silly, we both know that even if I missed that, it would still be visible on notifications sent to email or mobile. He knows that surely, so it's like a little game (but I love it!). I don't think I have ever done this drop and delete thing to him however, perhaps I ought to?

Just writing this all down is helping me sort my head out at any rate, I don't think I can deny any longer that he has begun to stir up some feelings. Oh dear! I'm scared now. I'm no oil painting, I have young children, I am a boring n e r d ! He can't possibly be interested, he's too handsome and lovely for me.

MrGin Thu 11-Aug-11 18:28:34

waitingfornaru. Of course you can ask him out, just don't suge night clubbing. Be subtle and test the waters. he's kissed you on the lips... a minor little thing to most, but it is a subtle action from him that he's like to take things further...

It's your turn to make a little gesture. He's probably banging his head against a wall thinking 'oh my God I shouldn't have done that'

Arrange to meet again. Enjoy yourselves, don't over think it, and you aim a little smacker on the lips grin

Just take it slowely ( and keep everybody informed of all the little developments smile

honeyandsalt Thu 11-Aug-11 18:43:27

Awwww this is the sweetest love story ever please invite me to the wedding

The danger is you're so freaked out and talking yourself out of this that you're in danger of sending him "back off" signals. He may have mention the married women chasing him thing just as chat, trust me if he wasn't into you there is no way you'd be chatting to him every night, let alone "gorgeous", long chat in person, kiss on the lips. Don't say hi to him the minute he logs on, but an IM saying something like "Hi there! Had a great time at the wedding, it was lovely chatting to you in person for once :D" If he takes the hint, great, if not carry on as normal.

Seconding Mr Gin's call for updates pls

BertieBotts Thu 11-Aug-11 18:55:19

I agree - start with the IM as honey says - if he questions why not send it as a public message just say "Oh I didn't think everyone would be interested in hearing that. Anyway what have you been up to?" - the privacy of the IM might push him to say something more?

Fuzzled Thu 11-Aug-11 18:56:30

Maybe try "bemoaning" the fact that you'd like to see xxxx film (one you think he'd like too) but no one else wants to see it/already have plans to see it with others?

If he's interested, it's an option for him to ask you out without pressure for either of you - and you might get a "goodnight" kiss! grin

Could you just say "it was lovely to see you at the wedding, fancy a coffee sometime?" If you've emailed everyday like you say, aren't you comfortable enough just to ask him for coffee....

Its not like you are suggesting a candle lit dinner...

Good luck !

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