Looking for a bit of advice on how to help my brother.
Bit of background: He's been quite down for a couple of years. Hated his uni course and dropped out then took up another course and failed exams so dropped out of that too. He was unemployed for two years (just started a job yesterday so hopefully that will give him a bit more confidence) and having no money meant he had little social life and was single for quite a while.
Living back home with parents (he's 23 now) he started seeing a girl he knew from school. It has been very on off for the last year or so. She cheated on him at Christmas and he was gutted but forgave her. Still on and off since then. I also found out she gave him chlamydia - again he forgave her. By this point I'm starting to feel the protective big sis and dislike her but it's between them so I've never said anything to him about my feelings. He was due to move in with her a couple of months ago and my dad helped move some of my gran's old furniture in for them. Two weeks later she told him to move out because she "couldn't continue to subsidise him" yet he continued to be round there most days/nights.
This girl (she's 25) has a five year old son. While unemployed my brother effectively provided free childcare and was an active part of this little boy's life, even picking him up from school and attending parents' evenings. I warned my brother about the on off nature of their relationship with the fact she has a child and sure enough the boy has started saying things like "I love you, I wish you were my daddy" and my brother doesn't know how to react to that really. His (ex)girlfriend just ignored the comments.
They went on holiday about six weeks ago - despite having supposedly split up at that point (not to mention he still wasn't working and she took only 100 euros for her and her child for four days so he ended up paying for them all on his credit card and my dad's had to bail him out!) - and had sex. Now she's pregnant.
She is determined to have an abortion. I support this to be honest, it's not a good situation to bring a baby into. My brother knows practically that this is the best option. She had planned a termination with her first child but couldn't go through with it but this time is certain it's what she wants/will do. But my brother is devastated. He told me "I always thought in such a situation I would be pro-choice, but this is my child" He is heartbroken.
So how can I help him through this? I think he needs to walk away from this woman as she is obviously no good for him and the longer he stays the worse it seems to get, particularly when her little boy is getting so attached. But I don't want to seem harsh and really just want to be there to support him. I know he doesn't help himself and he really needs to sort his life out and grow up a bit, but he's still my little brother and I want to do anything I can to help him.
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How can I help my brother through girlfriend's abortion
10 replies
TartanKitty · 20/07/2011 11:22
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