Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Confirm what I already know, please!

17 replies

LessonsinL · 29/06/2011 20:39

I broke up with DP around 2 months ago, and have recently started dating an acquaintance that I've known for a while. We've had a few dates where we've had a bit to drink, including one date where I stayed over at his place (some heavy kissing, nakedness but not much else!).

However, some stuff is really rankling with me and I'm fairly sure he's playing me. He:

Will only kiss me when drunk.
Has not turned up to casual plans on 2 occasions (that kind of "I'll be here with my friends so I'll see you when you get here with yours") and did not apologise until well into the next day.
Doesn't seem terribly bothered to see me - we'll make plans ahead of time but apart from that.. nothing else (no texts, no phone calls)

My friends say I'm being impatient and should give him a chance. I think he's gorgeous and would like to see it going somewhere.. but I feel like a bit of a mug at the moment!

Views?

OP posts:

Report

Taghain · 29/06/2011 20:43

erm, He's just not that into you, I'm afraid.
If he was keener, he'd show it and he'd also be trying to get into your knickers - or rather (since you seem to have removed them for him) , shag you

pickgo · 29/06/2011 20:46

Back off and let him do the running. If he does, great you'll know he's genuine. If not, then it wasn't meant to be.

Smum99 · 29/06/2011 20:53

Sadly I agree with Taghain, your instinct is right. I had a similar relationship and spent ages trying to work out what was happening (of course I had in my mind lots of reasons (read, excuses!) why he didn't call that often etc, etc).

A good friend finally helped me see it for what it was - he wasn't that keen on a relationship with me. I was heartbroken but quite soon after met DH, wow the difference, he pursued me and it was very clear he was keen - many years later we are still together and v happy. I look back on other relationship and realise I learnt something - I finally worked out what type of man I wanted. I'm glad I tried to make it work but also glad I didn't spend too long making excuses for him.

LessonsinL · 29/06/2011 20:56

Thank you Ladies.

Now, how to finish it with him... via text? e-mail? Or (gasp) the dreaded "in person"?

OP posts:

garlicnutter · 29/06/2011 21:00

I'm laying bets on a sudden revival of interest when you dump him. It's safer to let him fade away, imo - don't turn up to the places where you 'happen' to meet, fill your life up with other stuff, forget to reply.

May as well speak the language he understands!

SirSugar · 29/06/2011 21:44

I wouldn't bother... one of my favourite mantras these days; if he doesn't adore you, he is of absolutely no use

Proudnscary · 29/06/2011 22:46

He's not into you. Please don't 'dump' him by text, email, phone call, letter, telegram, pigeon carrier, smoke signal or any other medium because he doesn't care and you will either get no response at all, a nasty response, a humiliating response, or an eager response - then he'll start with the no shows again. All of which will make you feel shit.

Just try and leave it alone completely and find someone fab who fucking adores you - and you will!

aurynne · 30/06/2011 00:18

I agree with the others... there was no relationship, so no need of you to "dump" him. Just go on with your life and ignore him. He will respect you much more than if he finds himself with a dramatic text from you announcing a breakup.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 30/06/2011 00:31

You've only been rid of the last knob for a couple of months. It's actually just as well that the current one is simply a different flavour of knob and you've realised. It means your knob radar is functioning. TBH the last thing you need when you are just out of a crap relationship is another committed relationship - you need some time alone and maybe a couple of casual shags so you can come to terms with the idea that it's perfectly OK to dump a man who isn't right for you.

LauraIngallsWilder · 30/06/2011 01:12

I wouldnt bother to finish with him - I would just wait and let him chase you.
If he is interested in you he will chase if he isnt he wont.
If he calls and you dont want to see him - you could just be 'busy'.

To me formally finishing with him makes it sound like you are in a formal relationship, which from reading your post it doesnt seem like you are?

LessonsinL · 30/06/2011 22:47

Correct, definitely not in a formal relationship. He's been texting occasionally, but let me tell you.. whole eons pass before he responds to a message. Honestly. Planets form and die. It's a real skill! It makes it difficult to say "hey, go fuck yourself" when there hasn't been any real relationship established, and by not responding, I would appear extremely unreasonable. Which is why some sort of formal message needs to be conveyed (I feel)

OP posts:

HopeEternal · 30/06/2011 22:53

He hasn't been replying to you. You stop replying to him. I don't see a need for any sort of formal message.

Katisha · 30/06/2011 22:54

Yep. Just fade out.

Lipstickgal · 30/06/2011 22:58

You are looking for a response by finishing with him that you are not going to get. Why do you care if he views you as being unreasonable? He probably wouldn't give it any headspace. He is treating you casually so reciprocate. Finish it in your head and move on. You have invested more in the situation than he has.

LauraIngallsWilder · 30/06/2011 23:03

He doesnt reply to your messges or takes ages to finally reply.
He is in fact sending you a message by doing that!

ie He isnt really interested in you, mark it down to experience and move on. You wont appear unreasonable by not responding - you will appear to have moved on...............

WannabeaShootingStar · 30/06/2011 23:09

I once had a relationship with a policeman, he was very busy but often didn't phone / contact me for two weeks at a time. In the end I gave up and met / started seeing someone else.
Four weeks later he called me to ask what is going on (as I hadn't called him he expected me to do most of the calling).
I said sorry I didn't think you were interested and I've met someone else, he was gutted!!! Men are from mars....
(This was a v early 20s relationship btw)

babyhammock · 01/07/2011 07:14

Take eons to reply to his next message and reply with something that spells 'you're boring me, I can't be bothered with you anymore and please don't bother texting me again'.

Obviously don't say that exactly... just let him read between the lines that's what you mean IYSWIM

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.