Three years ago my DH had an affair, whilst I was pregnant with DC2, and we were in process of moving to another part of the country. It started with emails, facebook, and phonecalls/texts, then they slept together about 4 times before we moved. He continued to be in contact with her via email after we moved (he set up a new email account just for her and she did the same), but her husband found out and started contacting my DH. I got suspicious and eventually found out thanks to OW's DH, who sent me all their messages to each other. Affair lasted about 6 months and probably would have carried on were it not that they got found out.
Anyway, as I'd just had DC2 when I found it all out we agreed to try again, things were great for a while but then I realised that my feelings for him had changed, he had destroyed all my trust in him. I now no longer believe anything he says. I told him all this a few months ago, he was devastated, and refused to move into spare room to give me some space to think, so I gave in and told him we'd try again. Last month I realised its not working, and he has been in the spare room since. As soon as he moved into spare room he looked up OW on facebook and discovered she now lives in the next town to us! He has since set up another hotmail and facebook account, which I managed to hack into, to discover that they have been meeting up, she has told her husband that they are back in touch so he is not happy and her marriage is now under strain. DH has suggested that once all this dies down maybe they can make a proper go of it, and yet he is telling me that he only wants me, he is destroyed by this, and that his initial affair was due to him being neglected by me. He has since admitted he is too needy, but I feel its too late and I am getting more angry with him by the day.
Am I being too harsh on him? He's making me feel really bad that I am hurting him and he will lose me and the kids, but I am trying to be reasonable and make sure that he will see the kids a lot and have enough money for decent housing. I am feeling really guilty and need some objective non biased views on this as obviously all my family/friends (those that I've told) all think I should just kick him out.
Thanks
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Relationships
Please help me see that this isn't all my fault!
icanttakealltheblame · 27/06/2011 14:04
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