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Relationships

My Brothers wife has walked out on him and their 2 boys...advice needed !

10 replies

violett · 13/06/2011 18:49

My brothers wife has announced she is moving out to be with another man which she has had an affair with for the past year and will be living down the road whilst my brother works full time and has the boys ( aged 6 and 3 ) living with him.His wife will see them one day a week.( but not overnight, as I understand) She says she needs me time and must think of herself now.Obviously I am biased but my brother is a lovely, sweet man who has tried his best and now says he wants to move on and get on with things as best he can. He wants to concentrate on his sons and support them through a traumatic time....but eventually he will want to meet someone else and is goodlooking, has a well paid job, nice house and I think will be a good catch !

I just want some help from anyone who lives in Surrey who might know of any single dad clubs or anywhere he can go.He feels a bit down at the thought of being by himself with little adult company for the forseeable future and I really want to help him get through this .Any single dads out there with advice or any ideas ?

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MigratingCoconuts · 13/06/2011 19:50

No idea about clubs...what about evening classes in an area that interests him?

Sad for his story, it will be hard having the kids full time and working too. he is lucky to have your support.

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lookingfoxy · 13/06/2011 20:01

He'll get through it, the kids will keep him going.
I get my adult company from work colleagues during the day and phone calls from family at night (between the housework etc there isnt time for anything else). Its not ideal but its enough, especially in the early days of being alone, theres always facebook to keep in touch with your friends as well.

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oohlaalaa · 14/06/2011 11:43

oh you sound a lovely sister.

My friend dated a single Dad. She is a single mum. They met through mutual friends.

A different story, in that his beloved wife, had died from cancer at 36 years old. He had two young children, and with lots of help from various family members (sisters, brothers, parents, in-laws) and close friends, was doing a wonderful job working and bringing them up. He basically told my friend that he didnt want her to ever move in with him, and was not looking for a new wife. He liked his life with his children, and just wanted a girlfriend for company (wining, dining, parties) and sex. He was very good looking and successful, but after a year, she realised the relationship was not going anywhere, his mind would not be changed, and she left.

I really liked him, and liked the fact he was honest with friend from the start. I always got the impression his children were his priority, and kept him going. I think your brother, just needs to make the effort to joins friends for social nights out. No doubt someone will want to try to do some matchmaking sooner or later.

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animula · 14/06/2011 11:56

Gingerbread isn't for single dads but is for single parents. Is that any help?

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vintagewarrior · 14/06/2011 20:35

I'm in Surrey, and I don't know of any, but if he's good looking and has a decent job, can I put my name down for a date when he's feeling up to it please?

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SunRaysthruClouds · 14/06/2011 21:08

If she hasn't left yet or has only just left then his life will be full at first, although the hardest time will be in the evenings when he is his own with time to reflect.

He will need to look forward, make plans after a while, talk to solicitors, get stressed from seeing her unfortunately, but above all try to get him to look at it from the outside - be objective, over a period of time he will be ready to see other people but give him time and support.

Does he have any neighbours who he might see if he has a babysitter on occasion? Mine were great - just to get out from time to time. I eventually met someone lovely on the internet (3 days after joining a site) so I guess I was lucky; but the point is it will probably be better soonish, although hard to see it now.

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oldqueenie · 14/06/2011 21:41

has he had any legal advice? please encourage him to see a specialist family solicitor if not. he needs to know that he can ensure some stability and put some structure around these arrangements... not be having a battle about who they should live with in a years time when she realises what she has done perhaps.... (written agremment / residence and contact order depending on circs.).

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Alambil · 14/06/2011 21:55

He could look into his local Sure Start children's centre - a lot of them have dad groups :)

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violett · 14/06/2011 22:28

Thanks everyone for your advice.I'm a bit worried that once she has settled in her new home she will then want her children back probably just as my brother has sorted things out and he will be devastated .I think the new bf must have had a say in the matter as his children are grown up so probably won't want small children around again plus if he really loved my brothers wife as he professes then surely he would be providing a home for her and her children ? I'm hoping it will stay this way and my brother will be able to cope.He always did the lions share of childcare anyway...just feels a bit daunted by the enormity of it all and worried about if hes late home from work or has to go away on business. I've let him know all your ideas and am sorting out weekend jollies for the next few weeks for him.He has said he hasn't really got any friends to go out with...they were all his wifes friends husbands...so I think feels really lonely. Thanks again everyone.

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chickychick · 14/06/2011 22:46

Hy heart goes out to your brother he is lucky he has got you for support it will be the little things he will probably miss most like discussing the kids day at school his work day but tell him hang on in there

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