Most of the people I meet think I'm a generally OK person - there's very few people I don't get on with on some level.
However, I seem to have this effect on my Dad's partners so that they think I'm evil, selfish, manipulative, only after my Dad's money (my Dad's reasonably well off, but I don't want his money any more than I'd like to win the lottery - it'd be nice to have some, but life is perfectly fine without it) and basically the bitch from hell.
We had an "episode" today where my Dad and his girlfriend (they've been together for 8 or 9 years) came to see the family (me, DH and two kids). We don't see my Dad very often (about every 3 months or so, less if he's out of the country) and we hadn't seen his girlfriend for about 2 years, and I was looking forwards to it, although it was only a brief overnighter. This morning I was running Race for Life, and I suggested my Dad, his gf and DH take the kids to the park where I was running the race. After the race, I suggested we go out for lunch together - this is normal for families, yes? I suggested a good all-you-can-eat Indian buffet nearby, it has a good range of food, with a few vegetarian options too (my Dad is veggie). Anyway, it all turned into a bit of a fiasco - the place I'd planned to take us wasn't open on a sunday any more (they'd only changed this in the last 2 weeks), and the place we ended up going to was frankly terrible - it was meant to be another buffet, but none of the food was ready, and it was more like tapas where they brought you a selection of dishes. Obviously, we only found this out once we'd sat down and ordered drinks - by that point it was fairly late and the kids were starving, so I made the decision to go with it. At this point, my Dad's GF announces that she doesn't eat any chicken or lamb, and all the food they were bringing out was inedible - she stormed out saying it was all shit. When she came back she spent the rest of the meal sniping, saying the veg curry and the prawn curry they made her especially was horrible, it was nothing like true Indian cooking (she goes to Kerala every year) and they shouldn't have bothered eating out, they should have just gone straight home and just had cheese on toast.
Obviously, I was really upset by all this, not least because my Dad just sat there nodding in agreement. He then announced that they never eat out because there's never any good veggie options and they can cook better food themselves (he always comes out for a meal with me, DH and the kids when he visits and has never complained before). I knew it wasn't great, but it was out of all of our hands - surely normal people would have done what me and DH tried to do, and make the most of it, and enjoy the company if not the food (the kids were impeccably behaved, bless them).
What was I meant to do? What could I have done in that situation? I love my Dad, but he always ends up with selfish, possessive women that totally dominate him and don't want him to have contact with me or the kids.
What am I doing wrong? I love my Dad but feel like he is being poisoned against me - so often he'll make complete u-turns in his opinions/decisions, and I just know it's his gf speaking.
We parted company civilly, but there hasn't been the usual text to say he's got home, or to say thanks for the biscuits me and DS made him especially that I know he loves.
I just see him being drawn into another poisonous relationship, and it makes me really sad.
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Relationships
Why do my Dad's girlfriends hate me so much?
Naetha · 12/06/2011 20:16
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
She stormed out of the restaurant? Pity she stormed back. 
I don't know. To be honest I think it's best to think, hard, about what it is you want from you relationship with your father, what you are likely to get from him and be quite pragmatic about the best ways to get those things.
Arranging meetings without the gf - is that an option? Would she be offended? Can you do that without creating more strife? And then just lots of deep breaths when you do meet en masse.
Also, in the final analysis - it is down to him. He's in charge of how he is with you, not her - you have to put the responsibility where it is due. Though that can be a painful thing to come to terms with.
Naetha:
The girlfriend sounds like a prat.
Your dad sounds like a weak person.
He pandered to gf's hissy fit because he's weak, and he pandered to your stepmother when she threw you out. At the age of 17, that must have hurt tremendously.
If you're willing to listen to suggestions, mine are:
~ Accept that your father's a bit of a doormat when it comes to women, and leave him to it, he's a grown-up.
~ Accept that not all his girlfriends are your stepmother - being a princess over the food isn't the same as making a bereaved teenager homeless, but you're reacting just as strongly to it.
~ Don't try to parent your parent.
~ Don't try to be daddy's little girl, he loves the woman you are.
You won't have to see Princess Hissy that often, so just play to her next time - pick a restaurant she'll approve of, admire her hair, etc. Doesn't hurt 
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