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How often do married couples really have sex?

(253 Posts)
50000feet Thu 09-Jun-11 19:41:02

My husband thinks all other married couples are having more sex than we are, a couple of 45 year olds with two kids who do it about two to three times a month - Both full time workers with stressfull jobs. Anyone brave enough to tell the truth so i can get a realitic picture.

I have asked my mates but thats not a big enough picture.

GreenTeapot Thu 09-Jun-11 19:47:35

It varies but yes, we have had long spells where it would be a similar frequency. Then better times when it happens more often. Work, shift work, wakeful children, other stresses and just the natural cycles of closeness and distance that seem part of any longterm relationship all contribute. I think it's only a problem if you stop talking about it or if there's a constant and troublesome mismatch in sex drives.

Clarabumps Thu 09-Jun-11 19:58:41

not married but been together for 5 years, so near enough.. we have sex around once a week. we have two kids under 4 so im mostly shattered when it comes to the end of the day.. it tends to go through trends tho- sometimes its twice a week then there will be a dry spell. My dp thinks we dont have enough sex..he doesnt really know how much sex other couples have but he accepts that its because the kids are really young and im bloody shattered.

GreenTeapot Thu 09-Jun-11 20:01:15

blush sorry we're not married either but 8 years together.

Fernie3 Thu 09-Jun-11 20:06:33

We are married with 4 kids, I am 27 he is 28. We have sex on average probably twice a week? But that is some weeks not at all other weeks more like 4 times.It really depends on the mood and how tired we are.

JemimaMop Thu 09-Jun-11 20:08:31

We have been married for almost 10 years, together for 13, and have 3 children.

I would say roughly about once or twice a week.

Fernie3 Thu 09-Jun-11 20:08:53

Sorry we have been together 11 years

magicmelons Thu 09-Jun-11 20:12:42

3-4 times a week we have 2 dc aged 4 and 6 and i am pregnant. There has been times when we had sex probably twice a week but any less than that and i'd be concerned but that's just us. Most of the time dh instigates (although now that i'm pregnant the reverse is true blush and i am happy to go for it but sometimes i'd be equally as happy to have a cocoa. We have been together 8 years.

So long as your both happy with it i don't think it matters how often you have sex.

activate Thu 09-Jun-11 20:14:18

once or twice every couple of months

not married, been together 20 years, 4 kids

great relationship

angrygingermidget Thu 09-Jun-11 21:01:00

twice a month, two young kids under 3, been together 11 years, both hold down full time stressful jobs. We are just knackered, we have the intention more, but then crash out.

Irishchic Thu 09-Jun-11 21:13:36

11 years married, 5 kids under 11, between 2 and 4 times a month, this is enough for me!

MamaMary Thu 09-Jun-11 21:20:09

Married 3 years. 3 to 4 times a week.

LittlebearH Thu 09-Jun-11 21:24:50

Been together 6 years. Twice so far this year. Feels a freak blush

Married 3 years. About once a week on average. Got a 2 yr old dd and there was a real dry spell after her birth and now preg again and not exactly jumping at it. Tiredness on my part to blame.

GrimmaTheNome Thu 09-Jun-11 21:28:37

We're 50 and have been married nearly 25 years. We went through a patch pre-DD when it was a couple of times a month, and when she was small it was once in a blue moon.

But now we both work part-time from home, most days. Its a real benefit to 'downshifting' - time together when we're not tired and DD isn't around.

superv1xen Thu 09-Jun-11 21:28:58

we have it about 3 - 4 times a week.

we have been married nearly 6 months and together 3 1/2 years.

we used to do it about 3 times a day for the first couple of years grin we'd both love to do it more but having 2 dc under 5 kind of scuppers it a bit when we are too exhausted grin but we are always kissing and cuddling which helps us to keep feeling close.

BlooferLady Thu 09-Jun-11 21:29:01

Married 11 years together 14, happiest & most loving couple imaginable. Properly joined at the hip, love-notes in lunch-box type happy (cheesy detail, but essential context)

Varies from nowt for a month or so to 2/3 times in a week if TTCing/happy/relaxed/not panicking about the general ghastliness of existence. It's always grrrrrr-eat when it happens.

DH works 12 hour night shifts, I am concluding a full time PhD whilst pursuing 2 separate careers. We are rarely at home at the same time, never mind in bed, awake, and up for it. I have given up comparing our sex life to anyone else's. The only time I get irritable and want more is if I think we're not living up to some non-existent average/standard, or if we're supposed to be TTCing and the damn man is in a police station with miscreants somewhere instead of where he should me, ie boffing me senseless.

comparisons with other couples are, I think, rarely (if ever) helpful. Certainly not for me anyway.

superv1xen Thu 09-Jun-11 21:30:45

love-notes in lunch-box

glad that isn't just me blooferlady grin blush

BlooferLady Thu 09-Jun-11 21:33:17

grin grin

It's nice to imagine them smiling. Although I might slightly have ruined the surprise last time by texting 'have you had your lunch yet have you have you?' [MI5 operative emoticon]

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers Thu 09-Jun-11 21:34:54

We do it roughly once a month....and tenderly the rest of the time! Sorry couldn't resist the joke. No sex at all at the moment but that's another story...

marge2 Thu 09-Jun-11 21:35:41

Together 14 years. Married 11. 2 kids under 8. Once or twice a month. More than enough for me. Feels like a bit of a chore and when I go along with it, it's to please DH. DH would like more, but I am beggared with job, kids etc.

BlooferLady Thu 09-Jun-11 21:35:54

<snort> That's STREEMLY funny LieIns grin

bicyclemum Thu 09-Jun-11 21:38:43

glad there is a big range there. used to be alot, but now with 10month DS I want it never...
am assuming it'll come back one day. together 5 yrs.
DP understanding but keeps trying!

eurochick Thu 09-Jun-11 21:42:04

We've been together 8 years and married for just under a year. We are TTC at the moment, so taking note of it for the last few months and it has varied between once (I was travelling for work) and about 10 times in a month. Pre-TTC it was probably 2-4 times a month, always at the weekends. We both work long hours and keep slightly different hours (so don't go to bed at the same time) which makes it tricky during the week, but we are making the effort at the moment!

PonceyMcPonce Thu 09-Jun-11 21:44:50

Approx weekly. 3rd, both working , in our 40s and 50s, married twenty years.

Will point out to dh he is doing pretty well.

Whilst quantity not huge, quality is excellent. Best ever really, maybe feel very comfortable with each other.

cybbo Thu 09-Jun-11 21:45:41

Lets just say its feast or famine here

RudeEnglishLady Thu 09-Jun-11 21:45:57

Married.. together 2.5 yrs.
Sometimes 3 times a day, sometimes not for 2 weeks. We don't have a 'shag night' or anything. Think it depends on how tired we are or what is going on in life. When its a long time its usually down to travel or illness or something. We don't make a big deal out of it, we are pretty affectionate and chatty anyway. Having a baby has taught us the value of utilising 5 spare minutes.

'boffing me senseless' - bloofer grin

Capiche Thu 09-Jun-11 21:47:19

unmarried twenty years+ probably twice a week and that feels a lot listening to friends!

Omigawd Thu 09-Jun-11 22:17:54

Both in 40's now, together nr 20 years, 1-2 x a week depending on travel/kids activities/etc. Worst was when dc were very small.

Gave birth 3 months ago, once since then!

moggiek Thu 09-Jun-11 22:23:34

Married 34 years, 3 DS, 1 DGS: - once or twice a week (but usually once, unless we're on holiday) smile

Gettingthere1 Thu 09-Jun-11 22:38:52

We have been married 14 years with 2 children. We have sex most nights or perhaps early morning. Prob average 6 times a week although during my randy 5 days of the month (week after my period) sometimes twice in a night.

perfumedlife Thu 09-Jun-11 23:29:19

Wasn't going to post because it varies so much. Married nine years, together 11, one child. Sometimes it can be four/five times a week, others I have zero libido and could happily read a book for weeks. I think hormones at my age (44) may play a part, I either want it all the time or not at all.

Always great when we do it though.

CandyS Fri 10-Jun-11 00:02:56

I'm 12 weeks pg atm, and we've not had sex since I found out at 5 weeks (just wanted to get the first trimester out the way with no bleeds/leakage), god knows how this first kid will effect us!

We normally have sex 8-12 times a week (basically once a day, then 2/3 times on Dh days off).
I'm early 20's, he's early 30's, we've been together for just over 2 & a half years (married for 1) so, comparing to everyone else on this thread, we're probably just going through the honeymoom period still!

BoiledFrog Fri 10-Jun-11 01:41:47

Been together 9 years, 3 children under 7. Probably 2-4 times a month, we never ever go to bed together so I think that's quite enough. If we went to bed together every night would be a lot more, but I'm a night owl and he snores.

Mumcentreplus Fri 10-Jun-11 01:49:08

Married 10 years this least 3 times a week although sometimes it changes and we do it more one week and less another...stress relief grin and intimacy...

Mumcentreplus Fri 10-Jun-11 01:49:33

2 DDs 9 and 7..

nancydrewfoundaclue Fri 10-Jun-11 11:25:22

Married 10 yrs, three kids, youngest 13 wks. Irregular but just noted that we're almost through the 12 pack of condoms bought since DD2 born.

The older I get the more I want and the better it is

mimiholls Fri 10-Jun-11 11:50:59

3-4 times a week. There is no 'normal' but if one partner's not happy the relationship will suffer. Both sides should be willing to compromise.

Cymar Fri 10-Jun-11 22:43:24

Been together for nearly 8yrs, married for 5, 2 DC's under 7yo and normally 3+ times a week. We will make use of most opportunities for a bit of sizzle wink. For some reason I feel more in the mood the more tired I am confused.

50000feet Fri 10-Jun-11 22:46:04

Thanks all for your openess. Need to tell DH not to believe all those articles in the Times. Biggest message for me is it is ok to have peaks and troughs and as long as both are happy then fine.........nice to have a reality check

TDada Fri 10-Jun-11 22:49:42

3 DCS - one at big school and the other two at primary. Once a week just isn't good enough !

LadyMacnet Fri 10-Jun-11 22:56:55

Married 14 years, together for 19. 2 DCs. About once a week; sometimes more sometimes less.

ThatVikRinA22 Fri 10-Jun-11 23:02:39

married 20 years
together 23

when on hols together its about 3 x weekly

when normal service resumes we both work shifts, 2 kids, not together all that often so id say on average about once a month. quality always good! quality not quantity i say!

works for us.

TDada Fri 10-Jun-11 23:16:29

DW would say that I am a good and helpful husband stress kids, and energy levels is the problem.

Married 21 years.. 4 teens ..try finding a time to have sex without anyone hearing grin (the cat being in the room puts me off let alone wide awake kids!) He works hideous hours... but we always always have sex once a week. Sometimes manage an extra at weekendssmile

I could probably manage with less but for DH it is really important, emotionally more than physically I think. Luckily he is still pretty damn

squeakytoy Fri 10-Jun-11 23:21:52

Married ten years... probably about once a month, sometimes more, sometimes less.... more when we are on holiday.

We are both happy with this frequency although I am sure he wouldnt complain if he got it more... but he works on very early starts, and is in bed by 9pm most nights, and I am more of a night owl....

Milngavie Fri 10-Jun-11 23:25:26

Married 9 years, together 17. 4 dc aged 16 - 5, 2 - 4 times.

CrushednBuried Fri 27-Jul-12 10:24:11

Married 16 years, one child (teens). Frequency of sexual contact? Once in last seven years.

roughtyping Fri 27-Jul-12 10:32:29

We're 26, together 8 years, 8yo DS (my boy from prev relationship). Maybe 1-2 times a month - OH works shifts and I have some health probs so any spare time we have is for sleeeeep!

axure Fri 27-Jul-12 10:54:02

I'm 46, married 24 years. DH and my male colleagues are always moaning about lack of nookie. DS now in his first relationship, when his GF stays DH obsesses that they are doing it more times in one night than we have all year! I enjoy it when I have sex but don't miss it if I don't, and seem to have less time than when DS was young. I still feel close to DH, lots of cuddling, nice compliments etc.

ElizabethX Fri 27-Jul-12 14:24:25

Well I'm getting it pretty well every day, although this is because we've only been an item for 3 weeks. And I have some time to make up.

Can't imagine 2 to 3 times a month. For me this would actually be worse than not at all...

Isitme1 Fri 27-Jul-12 14:29:58

Married 3 years. One ds but dh is in different country. When we are together it's every day or at least every other day

skyebluesapphire Fri 27-Jul-12 14:34:26

STBXH felt hard done by as we only did it a couple times a week. His mates thought he was lucky as they only got it once a month if lucky. He is 48, I'm 40. We had been married for 6 years before he walked out, together for 10 years.

together 8 years, married 4. 1 toddler and I'm 4 months Pregnant.
Sex once or maybe twice a week, at the weekend while toddler naps, usually. Too bloody knackered at bedtime to think about it, too much to do before then.
It is always pretty awesome when we get the time, though, which is good smile

Offred Fri 27-Jul-12 14:48:05

Depends on what is going on in our lives. Sometimes it has been no sex for a long time, at the moment it is every day.

Offred Fri 27-Jul-12 14:49:21

Together 4 1/2 years, married 3 1/2. Four children (two DH's step children, and twins) btw.

Windsock Fri 27-Jul-12 14:51:39

Agree with cybbo.
Always askance at the 3-4 times a week.

Don't you have books to read?

idobelieveinfairies Fri 27-Jul-12 15:40:44

Not married, together 20 years. Have sex every other day....not marathon sex, that's maybe twice a week, just a quicky before sleeptime. I love the closeness. We are both 37.

I think it's not the marriage or the 'sameness' that's done for our sex life (eg reduced it to once a week) - it's the kids. I like to imagine, fondly and perhaps deludedly, that things will improve once we're all getting a bit more sleep. I fancy my husband like MAD but can't summon up the energy to do much about it very often. . . tragic, isn't it? So much prime gorgeousness in my bed, and all I want to do is sleep! Criminal waste!

BellaVita Fri 27-Jul-12 15:49:41

Been married 25 years, two teens, I am 47 and Dh 51, i work part-time and him full time. Not as often as DH would like...

He tends to like marathon sessions and I just want my sleep blush

Windsock Fri 27-Jul-12 15:51:17

I always lol at "fancying h like mad" posts.

TalHotBlond Fri 27-Jul-12 15:51:22

Couple of times a week right now which is the least sex I think I've ever had (since I've been sexually active, obviously). Been together four years, married for two.

I'd like more but have two v young dc and he works crazy hours so tiredness is definitely a factor.

It's major stress relief for me, I'd be the most horrendous grump if I didn't get it at least as often as now.

FoofHundredMetreFreestyle Fri 27-Jul-12 15:52:54

Can't speak for anyone else but we average about twice a month.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 27-Jul-12 15:57:14

Well we didn't do it at all for over a year after DS2 was born!

So after a brief period of daily, we obviously feel we have caught up and now it is a couple of times a week. grin

It would be lovely to do it more, but with a 4 year old and a 16 month old who doesn't sleep very much it is going to be a while!

Wind well he always tells me I'm mad when I tell him I fancy him, so it seems the right thing to say grin

Abitwobblynow Fri 27-Jul-12 18:20:58

2 - 4 times a week.

He still cheated.

Now we have no sex life, so I hope it was all worth it for him

ouryve Fri 27-Jul-12 18:31:13

Married 8 years, 2 kids with ASD (exhausting), he's 38, I'm 42 with bouncy hormones - feast or famine. If the kids are sleeping well, DH is sleeping well and my hormones are doing the right thing, we might be at it 2 or 3 times in a week. Or else we might not bother for a couple of months. Apart from when the kids are the limiting factor, we're pretty happy with that.

EvenBetter Sat 28-Jul-12 01:17:01

Together 7 years, married for 1, no kids, we're late 20s & early 30s.
Every day. Occasionally miss a day due to job from hell.

AxlRosesLeatherTrousers Sat 28-Jul-12 01:24:13

Been with DH for almost 18 years married 13 years. Have 3 dds 19 (DSD), 9 and 5. Sometimes we'll do it about once a week to 3 times a month other times we'll be doing it 6-7 times a week depends on what phase we're going through. We're 34 and 38.

It totally depends on what works for you both.

joanofarchitrave Sat 28-Jul-12 01:29:24

Married 8 years, together 9. One child. Around once every six weeks at the mo which I know is not enough for dh. More usually once a fortnight or so which feels better. It would help if I ever had an orgasm tbh but perhaps I'm just lazy as it is good on the whole.

TellyBug Sat 28-Jul-12 01:49:22

About once a fortnight. Been with DP two and a half years. Neither of us unhappy with that but but I worry I should be worried it's not enough.

NimpyWindowMash Sat 28-Jul-12 02:00:07

Been together 20 years. In our 40s, 3 DC, on average about 4 times per month, but very much clustered around a particular horny time of my cycle. I guess it's feast or famine here too.

chinley Sat 28-Jul-12 02:09:53

Together 8 years and on average it's between 3-5 times a week.

Lala1980 Sat 28-Jul-12 09:03:00

Feel like I should have DP done under Trade Descriptions Act. Was 2-3 times a night to start with and I was beginning to think I'd never keep up, but it's dropped off to once a week if I'm lucky... he's very all or nothing. We either shag or we do nothing, there's no intimacy unless we have full blown sex. Feel quite lonely :-(

HecateHarshPants Sat 28-Jul-12 09:05:47

Been married since 1998.

Last time we made the beast with two backs wink was December 2000

Print that out and make him carry it in his wallet to look at next time he's feeling hard done by.

Together 13 years but not actually married. Two kids under 6. Have had various dry spells since having kids. Now it's about once a week.
When I remember what we were like when we first met, it's like we were different people. We were both working two jobs, his was shift work, we only saw each other twice a week in daylight hours and we did it every time we saw each other, more than once. I cannot believe that was me.

noddyholder Sat 28-Jul-12 09:14:27

Been together 21 years twice a week is average on holiday more in stress times less.

noddyholder Sat 28-Jul-12 09:15:32

Feast or famine v common. When feast I always think why don,t we always do this and when famine I think I,ll never bother again!

WhirlyByrd Sat 28-Jul-12 18:21:07

Together almost 15 years. 3 times in the past 3 years. sad His choice, not mine.

GnomeDePlume Sat 28-Jul-12 18:37:50

Married 20 years, 3 teenage DC.

Normally a couple of times a week. Lots of cuddling in between. Always kiss to say hello and goodbye.

MungoJelly Sat 28-Jul-12 18:44:48

Mid forties, together 15 years, probably around 2 or 3 times a month. Occasional "dry" months and "good" weeks. He thinks that's a lot - I don't wink

Margerykemp Sat 28-Jul-12 18:46:08

Once if they have one DC

Twice if they have 2.

ByTheSea Sat 28-Jul-12 18:49:43

We are late forties and married almost 15 years and similar situation to you - both stressful FT jobs. I find it comes in peaks and troughs -- sometimes 2-3 times a month and other times several times a week. I like those times best.

On average once a week here, I used to have quite a high sex drive but I think I got sick putting in all the effort tbh (it felt like i made all the effort) Now I never seem to instigate it and don't mind it being as it is but I think Dh would prefer the old me!!!!
We have been together 18 and a half years married 10 of those, I am 34 he is 38.

DinahMoHum Sat 28-Jul-12 19:08:34

been together 7 years.Have 3 kids. both in our 30s.
We have sex pretty much every day

JustFabulous Sat 28-Jul-12 19:10:21

Can't remember last time we did it but in the last 3-4 weeks. Would like more but too knackered/kids awake/feel shy.

JustFabulous Sat 28-Jul-12 19:10:57

Together 16 years. 3 kids. Aged 40.

Married 7 years, together 11.
Have 2 kids under 3. Youngest is 5 weeks so it has been about 2 months since we last saw any action.
Usually about once a week sometimes less. But then dh works shifts and sometimes we don't share a bed for nearly a week at a time as he has his own room to sleep in when on nights or lates.

crazygracieuk Sat 28-Jul-12 19:22:15

We have been together 12 years. Ranges from 3 times a month to 5 times a week.

iloveACK Sat 28-Jul-12 19:24:37

3 -4 times per month - both work full time with 3 under 5! Hard work though trying to fit it in!! grin

Together 15 years, married 9, two children. Probably about once a month. DH would like more but this is a big improvement on how it has been in recent years. Having the children wiped out my libido completely. Four years post last baby I am gradually getting it back...

DoIgetastickerforthat Sat 28-Jul-12 19:28:32

Married for 7 years together for 11 3 DC's under 8. Usually 1-2 times a week but just recently a lot less. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and DH has buggered his back so major drought here.

ALittleBitOfMagic Sat 28-Jul-12 19:28:45

A few times a month normally but this can rise to once or twice a week for periods . Together 10 years married for 1 . One dc and one on the way . We both work shifts in stressful jobs .

AfternoonDelight Sat 28-Jul-12 19:31:11

Been together 6 and a half years. It used to be 4-5 times a week. Now, between my illness and having a 1yo and a 4yo with ASD, it's more like 1-2 times a week if that.

Want2bSupermum Sat 28-Jul-12 19:31:48

Almost everyday if we are both home. Been married for 4 years, in our 30s, both have busy schedules and DD has just turned 1.

LisaD1 Sat 28-Jul-12 19:34:10

Been together 8 years, married for nearly 6, have 2 DD's, mine age 12 and ours age 5. Average is twice a week (usually Fri/Sat when work etc is out of the way!), more than that if we're on holiday or child free, less if stressed.

Very happy, loving relationship with lots of cuddles/kisses in between, DH would definitely want more if he could, I'm usually too knackered/lazy.

WhirlyByrd Sat 28-Jul-12 19:40:21

Now I am feeling even more down about things sad

KoPo Sat 28-Jul-12 21:21:08

Depends on how you classify sex. If you just mean bog standard penis goes in vagina sex then 2 - 3 times a week.

But if your like me and count all the other real fun things you can do to achieve orgasms through as sex. Then we are currently running at about 8 -9 times a week <smug emote here>

But there have been times when we have hardly had sex in any form for a while. And there are other times when wee seem to be like teenagers on heat. We are both in our mid 30's and have been married for 10 years.

Want2bSupermum Sun 29-Jul-12 00:55:01

Whirly Just do what feels right for you as a couple. DH can be away a lot which is why we get it in when we can. While DH would never tell me this I know that the physical side of relationship is where he gets a lot of enjoyment whereas for me it is more the emotional side where I get enjoyment.

I am pregnant with DC2 so we will see what happens after they arrive. I hope things don't change but you never know.

TeenAndTot Sun 29-Jul-12 01:04:45

Thank-you for asking, I was feeling like a weirdo with no idea what was 'normal'. It's late at night, baby almost 6 months and have just worked out no sex since 3 months pregnant. sad
Married for 20years, teenager and new baby. Before pregnant as variable as 4 times per week to once a fortnight. As soon as I was showing, other half lost all interest in me as sexual person. No idea what's going on now, maybe the Breastfeeding? No cuddles or other physical affection either. Am missing it and it makes me ratty as hell.

So now realise there's no normal, it's more about how you feel about it. If you're happy with what you've got, good for you, if not, do you want to do something about it?

Brandnewbrighttomorrow Sun 29-Jul-12 01:10:24

shock at three times a day! My dh leaves at 6am, gets back at 7.30 at the earliest. Once kids are in bed and we've had dinner we're both so exhausted we're lucky to have a conversation let alone have sex!

Tattyhead78 Sun 29-Jul-12 01:11:05

Every 4 months or so. I think my DH might be gay but I can't afford a divorce.blush

Pre dd,roughly once a fortight.
While TTC every other day
When pg once a month
After dd (and 6wk check), near enough daily.

Dunno why the big change?

sad tatty

I'm 51, menopausal, overweight and arthritic. DH is 45, overweight and was recently diagnosed with a chronic auto-immune disease. He is now on heavy doses of steroids. We have had a very worrying and stressful few months, and are both on industrial quantities of prescription medication between us.

We very rarely have PIV sex any more, maybe once every 2 months, but we really REALLY enjoy it when it happens. Our body confidence and energy levels are v. low on both sides. sad

But we are still very tactile and affectionate. Lots of hugs and cuddles and tickles and foot-rubs on the sofa watching TV. Jeez this has so destroyed my MN persona - we are not cuddly bunny peeps We old hands whenever we walk anywhere (which is difficult to do with my bad feet). We still find each other really attractive and pay each other loads of compliments. DH is extremely attentive, tells me how gorgeous I am every single day and loves my huge cleavage although it's down to being size 18 and ignores my huge arse. I likewise try to show him lots of attention.

We used to shag like amphetaphine-fuelled rabbits when we first got together. He is still the best lover I've ever had - and I discovered him after 22 years of being sexually active.

But neither of us fancy sex much ATM. Too sad, worried, hot, sweaty, achy joints and tired all the time. But all things will pass. Sex drives work in cycles and I know we will ramp up the action when life is less fraught.

Bertrude Sun 29-Jul-12 08:08:41

Married 5 years, in late 20s, no kids.

Maybe actually get a shag once a month.

However he lives away 6 days a week and I have horrid periods which are around 10 days long so always go across 2 weekends when I actually see him and no fucking way is he going near me when I'm on , so that leaves maybe 2 days a month where its possible.

So if you're a glass is half full type person, its technically every other day that we see each other grin

keefman69 Thu 07-Mar-13 19:42:29

Ranges from once per week to once per month.

I'd prefer twice per day blush my I don't pressure my dp - I just be creative by myself.

MerryMingeWhingesAgain Thu 07-Mar-13 19:45:46

zombie thread


determinedma Thu 07-Mar-13 19:51:46

Penetrative sex? Can't remember the last time. Probably when Ds was conceived and he's 11!
Other things - a couple of times a month if I can't avoid it.
Been together 27 years

itsginandtonictime Sun 27-Oct-13 07:46:20

Have just seen this thread.
We have been together for 12 years, married for 6 with 2 DC.
We do it about once a month, however full sex only about 6 or 7 times a year.
I'm 38, DH is 44 and looks after the children.
I could happily do without it. Once went for three months without. DH claims he starts most encounters; I think maybe he's right. He's not happy with the amount.

AmIIndecisive Sun 27-Oct-13 11:03:51

Been married for 8 years - haven't had sex for coming up to a year and a half! Husbands choice not mine. Had sex in the beginning like rabbits but stress (or children) looks like the culprit (or maybe he just doesn't fancy me anymore). We barely discuss it and when a sex scene is on a tv programme it's just mortifying to watch for both of us confused

bodycolder Sun 27-Oct-13 11:04:56

Not as often as unmarried ones wink

ZiaMaria Sun 27-Oct-13 11:24:09

Married 6 years, aged 30 and 32.

Pre DD - about 3 times a month. More if we were on holiday.
while TTC - about 10 time a month, focussed on fertile times.
while pregnant - not at all as I found it too uncomfortable
post DD's birth (she's 1) - 5 times total.

We would like more at present, but DD does not sleep in, and in the evening we are far too knackered to start with any physical activity. We both have demanding jobs and long hours, so combining that with a baby means sex is something for the weekend.

I do like to tease him during the week though...

donna1981xx Tue 26-Nov-13 08:31:36

I'm 32 hubby 40, together 11 years married 9 , we have between us 5 kids aged 7-17. We run our own business .....we have sex maybe once every 2 months blush

Joysmum Tue 26-Nov-13 08:40:13

Depends on life. Hubby works away a lot and does very long hours. If he's not tired and is home, it feels wrong not to have sex, like something's missing. It wasn't always like this though with times where we haven't liked each other very much or I've had body or self confidence issues but we've worked through everything as it's arisen and after 19 years together (I'm 40 btw) our marriage has never been better, which means our sex life is better than ever too.

Apatite1 Tue 26-Nov-13 16:48:55

I never pay attention to these so called norms. We have sex when we want to, which means when we both feel like it. Could be twice a day, or twice a month. Quality not quantity is the key!

Fairylea Tue 26-Nov-13 16:52:18

Together coming on to 5 years now. Still do it most nights (we have an 18 month old and I have a dd from apprevious relationship). We used to do it twice a day.....! We both have high sex drives.

I was previously married and ex dh never wanted sex, ever. It was nice to rediscover it with now dh.

LittlePeaPod Tue 26-Nov-13 16:57:59

DH is 41 and I am 37. We have always had sex 5/6 times a week. However it has tailed off a little recently to about 3/4 times a week. I am currently 34+5 weeks pregnant.

LittlePeaPod Tue 26-Nov-13 17:00:06

Grrrr didn't realise this is a Zombi Thread. How irritating!! angry

Needadviceandfast Tue 26-Nov-13 19:46:17

About once every 2-3 weeks. It's not enough for me by any means - I'm only 32 (he's 37) but he doesn't seem bothered. Been together 4 1/2 years. I feel a bit lonely and miss having a close sexual relationship sad

ProtectiveMother Tue 26-Nov-13 22:23:23

To Lala and all the rest of you who say you are lonely- ditch them and you might find someone better. Why stay in a lonely relationship?!? I was in one for 10+ years. Now single 1+ year and never felt better. Looking forward to meeting someone who treats me properly. Ditch! :-)

Mywin Mon 30-Dec-13 08:37:39

Married 41 years. 9 kids. Good sex once a week like clockwork. Both still work full time.

Dad1981 Wed 15-Jan-14 20:58:04

Married 3 months. I'm 32 wife older. 2 kids

We don't have sex or any sexual activity that often. Maybe one a month? I have a big sex drive and masturbate most nights as she's just not interested. I love her but our sex drives are totally miss-matched.

I used to try to talk about it but I've given up. I just sound like a nagging pest if I ever bring it up.

It's very frustrating as we both lead very stressful lives in the city and I used to love feeling completely de-stressed after sex. Now I just toss and turn, which pisses her off!

mumma24 Wed 15-Jan-14 22:09:19

Been together for 20 year, 4 Kids, 2/3 Times a month

hertsandessex Tue 22-Apr-14 08:58:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedFocus Tue 22-Apr-14 09:42:41

Varies. Twice yesterday but normally it's once a day with a gap of about a week because I go off sex a week before Aunt Flo visits and then I'm rampant again.

RedFocus Tue 22-Apr-14 09:44:21

We have 3 dc btw all under 13 and one with SN. I am an early morning sex pest so as soon as my dh's alarm goes off I jump him.

littlegreengloworm Tue 22-Apr-14 09:44:34

Once a week but its been three weeks as we have a baby and I'm expecting again, I'm exhausted and little bit sick. Must make the effort.

ZingHasAHotCrossBunInTheOven Tue 22-Apr-14 10:06:33

normally not often, because of kids/being tired etc but I'm pg and horny and ruled by crazy hormones so once or twice a day most days.

I wish we could keep it up.
It's incredible and sad how I just don't need/crave sex in post-natal stage.

hertsandessex Tue 22-Apr-14 11:24:57

Wow all these once a day people. I'd settle for once a month right now sad

Allinson2014 Tue 22-Apr-14 11:31:02

5-6 times a week. We've been married a year and have DS's 5 & 3 plus I'm pregnant. Would be more if I wasn't pregnant.

StillWishihadabs Tue 22-Apr-14 11:32:55

Between every 3 to 10 days. Any longer and we get really ratty with each other. Always glad we did it. Together 16 years married for 10 2 dcs aged 10 and 7. Tbh it was easier when they were little bloody ds doesn't go to sleep until 10pm and wakes at 6:30-7 !!

napoleonsnose Tue 22-Apr-14 11:36:32

Together 22 years, married 14, 2 teenagers. On average 2/3 times a week. I'd easily do with less than that but DH thinks that is not enough.

m0therofdragons Tue 22-Apr-14 11:46:07

Together 13 years, married for 10, 3 dc aged 6 and 2 2yos. Once a week to 3 times a week, then non when it's time of the month which for me lasts an annoying 9 days ish!

That said we'll have weeks of non then weeks of every night. I do think that the more we have it the more we want it so I can see how it's easy to get out of the habit. We didn't do it at all for 10months after dd1 was born (horrible birth) so it's usually me who instigates it. dh would do it anytime I ask, every night if I wanted but he's happy to go with when I'm up for it. It's not the 3 hour sessions we have before dc thank goodness - as much as I enjoyed them, sleep is very important these days too!

Absolutely agree with feast or famine. We've had a long stretch since DD2 was born 2 years ago with nothing and I mean nothing. Just too tired/stressed/co sleeping etc. DH was up for it, I just couldn't contemplate it. Then last month something clicked and we've been at it like knives since. I'm hoping it's not just a phase as we're absolutely loving it but it's one of those things that you just get out of the swing of doing if you don't so you have to keep it up, so to speak. Married 14 years.

Chattymummyhere Tue 22-Apr-14 12:12:59

Together over 7 years married 2 years and ave young children school age and below.

Sex per week anywhere from 6 times - 21 times a week.

Longest dry patch was 2 weeks and that was after first born.

hertsandessex Tue 22-Apr-14 12:51:44

Hmmm...wish I had never looked at this thread now.

BeyondTired Tue 22-Apr-14 12:55:11

Roughly once a week full sex, plus once a week trading oral for a back rub grin

DH is a shift worker and we have two toddlers, otherwise it'd be more.

ZingHasAHotCrossBunInTheOven Tue 22-Apr-14 13:39:28


does it make you feel better if I share that after DS1 was born DH wasn't allowed near me for 8 months?
I had a massive episiotomy due to forceps delivery and was in a lot of pain for months.

and I have crazy periods so normally I'm out for 2/3 of each month.
which means the it could be 3-4 times per month if lucky, but as we have 6 kids already (with which comes endless illnesses and sleepless nights and exhaustion) and DH is away at times it might be nothing for months on end!

ZingHasAHotCrossBunInTheOven Tue 22-Apr-14 13:40:46

married for almost 14 years if that matters (celebrating this weekend!)

hertsandessex Wed 23-Apr-14 14:00:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoisesOff Wed 23-Apr-14 14:53:26

Never. I think 2009 was the last time. He has issues and I think isn't really comfortable with intimacy or mess. And I haven't got the energy.

Gillian1980 Wed 23-Apr-14 19:37:46

Together 3 years, both late thirties and no kids yet.

About once a week, though sometimes more and sometimes less. We're both just bloody knackered all the time!

tilliebob Wed 23-Apr-14 19:41:01

We're in our 40's, married over 20 years, 3 dcs, and at the moment it's at least 3 times a week. However it's been 3 times a month for many a long stretch. I seem to have rediscovered my sex drive lately, much to DH's joy. He still thinks he's a horny teenager!

Coconutty Wed 23-Apr-14 20:14:49

21 times a week, hahaha. Can't think of anything worse.

Coconutty Wed 23-Apr-14 20:15:35

Sorry, didn't mean that too sound so rude.

3 times a week, married 18 years.

Chumhum Wed 23-Apr-14 20:21:02

Married 16 years, in our forties, three kids youngest is 11. It's either famine or feast here, can be every day or once a month, but it's always fab.

hertsandessex Tue 29-Apr-14 10:50:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

headoverheels Tue 29-Apr-14 11:02:41

Together 17 years, married 11, 3 DC age 8 and under. Once or twice a month. I'm happy with that and I think he is too.

nokidshere Tue 29-Apr-14 12:09:10

we have been married for 27 years and we have sex daily, sometimes twice. blush

Of course there were times when the boys were small that we went a couple of weeks or so without. But being older has plenty of benefits grin

chibi Tue 29-Apr-14 12:14:48

has been nearly two years for us. before that, about thress years of monthly rolling on top of me, quick few pumps then done. sad

it never occurred to me that i would be saying my sex life was over in my thirties.

oh well, i guess that's life for some. it could be worse.

i miss being desired, and touched though.

eversoslightlytired Tue 29-Apr-14 23:14:01

married 10 years, together nearly 14, two children under 7 - one a month and that's cos I feel guilty as I never want it. I'm too tired and we never go to bed at the same time. I'm normally asleep and he knows better than to wake me as I'm the one up at 6 with the kids!

Leeo360 Thu 08-May-14 18:47:34

My wife and I have sex everynight, unless one of us is sick. I am 51 and she is in her 60's. Go for the older woman and enjoy lifes simply incredible pleasure!

WitchWay Thu 08-May-14 19:07:47

Married 24 years this years, one DS16, used to have lots of sex, dwindled after pregnancy, lots during a severe marital hiccough, these days hardly any, don't think we've done it this year sad

Writerwannabe83 Thu 08-May-14 19:18:33

We don't really. In the space of 12 months we've done it 5 times, 4 of those for the purpose TTC. We then did it when I was 20 weeks pregnant. Baby is currently 6 weeks old and who knows when we'll do it again...

sittingontheedge Thu 08-May-14 20:13:39

Together 11 years. In our 30s/40s. 3 DC under 10. Around once every 4-6 weeks.

It bothers me sad

somerset7 Fri 23-May-14 23:59:50

Ladies / Gents
Wandering if anyone can help we don't ever seem to seem to have sex /intimacy. I'm 33, my wife 39 we have 2 kids (4&8), we have been together for almost 10 years and married for over 7, we live in a nice house, my wife is the breadwinner but I don't certainly don't have a bad job. We have nice holidays, cars, two dogs and plenty of friends and good family (That's the good bit)
But we don't have a physical relationship I think we have had sex once this year, last year maybe 10 times max, in 7 years of marriage I think she has made the first move maybe twice! I have stopped trying, to see what happens the result of which is my stimulus to write this! In the duration of the marriage we have never been at it like rabbits and probably never even average (once or twice a week?)
I try to book the odd weekend away just the two of us, I tried for a while to organise date night once a week (but being the only one ever organising and her making excuses for not, I stopped), I tried suggesting counselling (she point blank refused).I have tried talking about it and she just clams up, I have spoken to female friends and female family members from both side's and the consensus is that this is not normal.
I try to share the load at home helping out with the kids, cooking, ironing, DIY, looking after the dogs, working overtime to pay for weekends away.
We have our had up and downs and even though sex aside the last year we have got on pretty well she makes no effort at all with affection. It extends to little things like she will kiss the kids goodbye in the morning and forget about me most of the time (unless I initiate).
I'm sociable, fairly bright, in very good shape and attractive still, I have not gone to seed yet and still turn heads. I ignore those looks though, hoping that my wife will have the same apparent desire that a total stranger does, but she never does. I have never cheated on her and have re-butted all advances.
I love my family and want to be with my wife but I don't know what to do, any ideas? (No I don't think she is playing away!)

fakeblondie Sat 24-May-14 00:14:57

Hmmm I think you should be telling her all this . Why not print it out exactly as written and ask her for her thoughts ? you sound like a lovely DH and deserve some answers as something isn't right . I hope things work out for you both

Married 2 years, together 6. Sex twice a week normally. More in school holidays (both teachers working FT). I'm very happy with the frequency. Wouldn't want it more, DH never moans so I assume he is the same. About to have a baby though so I'm sure it will decrease!

Have spoken about this with best friend who has been with her DH ten years, no kids and maintains they shag 6 times a week. I absolutely don't believe her grin when would you get the time?!

notadoctor Sat 24-May-14 03:52:44

We're in our early 30s, together 10 years with 2 children under 3yrs old and 2-3 times a month is about average for us. I'm hoping it will be a bit more frequent once the kids are older. We're very physically affectionate in other ways - kissing and cuddling as often as possible.

LibraryMum8 Sat 24-May-14 04:16:16

Generally once a week. Been married 14 years, one dc now 12.

More in summer... I hate to be naked and cold!! But we've gone three weeks sometimes, say he travels a whole week, one of is sick the next week and then the other us sick the week after...

But generally yes once a week. He'd be up for it every day and I just am not there.

QuinionsRainbow Sat 24-May-14 14:53:06

A bit variable, but generally average out at about twice a week (married 20+ years).

Longtimecoming47 Thu 26-Jun-14 21:26:21

Been together 10 years , two children youngest 5 , no sex since conception - over 6 years ! I'm struggling . No interest shown but doesn't seem bothered by it. Any one with an opinion please feel free to say something

atos35 Thu 26-Jun-14 21:57:08

Been together 10 years, have a ds aged 3. I'd say twice a week, never less than at least once a week sometimes more than twice (depending on how tired we are etc). If we are away on holiday and relaxed it's much more frequent. Prior to ds it was a lot more frequent but I am just so tired I'm ready for bed by 10 most nights and he's a night owl. It's much better when we make proper time for each other rather than a quickie before falling asleep!

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout Thu 26-Jun-14 22:40:20

rigjTBeen with d'p for 13 months. We don't live together, so we're obviously not married. I see him most wednesdays and every Friday, obviously we dtd on those days, and other day when we're both free for example we were both off work on tues so we spent the afternoon in bed, but I'D never saw himyesterday, so. It's swings and round abouts. Looks farward to seeing him Friday. If we did live together though. I think I'd be wanting to do it every night, and dp certainly wouldn't complain:-)
Everyone's diffferent though. No right or wrong when it ccomes to how many times a week a couple dtd. It's their business. X

Stickaflakeinit Fri 27-Jun-14 13:30:34

Together 13 years. Two primary school aged children.

It ebbs and flows with us.,Sometimes we might not do it for a couple of weeks. Other times we are at it like rabbits.

DH has a high sex drive and would like sex every night. My libido ebbs and flows with my cycle, so sometimes I am just not in the mood.

We rarely go a full week without some sort of sexual contact, though.

minniemagoo Fri 27-Jun-14 13:37:56

Married 13 years, 3 kids, I'm 39, he's 43 and it would be very rare to go a week without sex. I would say it averages every second day.

Xcountry Fri 27-Jun-14 13:43:37

Two or three times a week, I'm 28, hes 30, He has a pretty full on job with awful shifts whereas I piss bout on a farm or driving most of the time. 4 kids aged between 11 and 3, great relationship with the inlaws who babysit for us, youngest brother in law is still in highschool so him and his girlfriend babysit a lot at our house for 20 quid to let us go out.

I think my libido is higher than DHs so maybe I push it a lot of the time but we have fun together and even after all these years I still fancy the pants off him. Pregnancy is always a problem though, I want it all the time and hes knackered.

technosausage Fri 27-Jun-14 16:46:37

Not married but been together 10 years. Haven't had sex in about 9 months! But I've recently by had dd (12 weeks) and I hated sex while I was pregnant so it didn't happen, and we have 22 month old ds.
Will probably happen this weekend tho, I even shaved!

technosausage Fri 27-Jun-14 16:47:15

Oh I'm 29 and dp is 38

IrianofWay Fri 27-Jun-14 16:51:58

Together 31 years, married 21. Sex is usually once or twice a week. More when we are on leave together (rare!). We don't function very well as a couple without regular sex - less than once a week and we get antsy with each other. It took me many years to realise this! I used to find all kinds of reasons but the truth is it's the best and easiest way to connect emotionally.

ChangelingToday Sat 28-Jun-14 21:05:20

Together ten years married 6. Two kids 5 and 3. Once sometimes twice a week is our max. I'd have it more but he's always too tired!

Muskey Sat 28-Jun-14 21:11:52

Married 28 years today. We have sex three or four times a week but in fairness my husband is away for a month working and comes home for a month

Mrsgrumble Sat 28-Jun-14 21:20:23

Three or four times per month. Baby, pregnant and working full time

Patrickstarisabadbellend Sun 29-Jun-14 00:56:46

Been together for 18 years and we have had sex twice since Christmas. It's him though not me.

He just refuses to be near me in that way. It's breaks my heart because I love him with all my heart and he says I'm an annoying freak for wanting it more.

Suppose I am a freak really. All I do is cry and pester him.

Patrickstarisabadbellend Sun 29-Jun-14 00:57:39

I should point out that I'm 31 and he's 35.

readrunraverelax Sun 29-Jun-14 09:01:49

We would both like it more. We still fancy each other so much and love our sex life. More time without kids around would be great!

I am 37 and he is 42. Been together 10 years, married for 8. Do it once or twice a week. Sometimes if one of us is ill and then I have my period we do not do it for a couple of weeks. We are then gagging for it!

Sometimes we are desperate for a shag and lock the bathroom door so the kids (6 and 3) do not disturb us.

I feel horny a lot of the time but we cannot act on it as maybe it is when my DH is going out the door for work (he looks hot at this time,n smartly dressed, fresh smelling from shower!!)

Personally, a bit like exercise, sex is a stress buster. Need to have it and love having it. I feel very blessed to love having sex with my DH who feels the same about me. I am also very encouraged that older posters seem to find they are having it more frequently now their DC are up a bit.

dudeonthebayou Fri 25-Jul-14 01:50:44

For me and my wife sometimes it can be often, sometimes once a month, sometimes a few months in between. One of the biggest problems is pre-teen and teen kids that doesn't want to go to sleep. And it really putting a break out the sex life.

Married nearly ten years, DD (7)... Been at least eighteen months now without. Depressed is an understatement.

FeministStar Fri 25-Jul-14 06:55:20

Married for 9 1/2 years now but it has been 5 years since we had any sex.

NoSexButManyExcuses Fri 25-Jul-14 07:09:20

We have been together four years and married for two. the sex dried up as soon as we got married. It's now been 3 months since we had sex. I can't really believe it - I used to love sex - I still would if I had the chance! I was experimental, a little kinky.... Now I try to instigate sex but just get excuses: I'm tired, it's too hot, I need a shower, I need to work, just want to watch this World Cup game, later (but later never comes)

I masturbate about twice a week. I'd rather have sex though.

tescosmum781 Fri 25-Jul-14 07:40:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LuluJakey1 Sat 26-Jul-14 00:53:49

Married nearly 5 years. Sex 4 or 5 times most weeks, sometimes less, sometimes more.

Both full-time teachers so more at weekends and during holidays, less during the week.
I am 17 weeks pregnant at the moment and love it and it is school holidays so we do it most days- sometimes twice.

Can't imagine this will continue when baby arrives. sad

SecretWitch Sat 26-Jul-14 04:40:31

Married six years, together eight. I am 49, he is 47. We have been having sex more than usual lately. During the summer we have more alone time so we can be more relaxed. I guess we have sex once or twice a week.

We have had times during our relationship where weeks would go by with no sex. Stress and hormones can play havoc with my libido.

FoodieMum3 Sat 26-Jul-14 15:52:05

We are both early 30's, 2 kids with another on the way.
2-3 times a week.
Some weeks it might be 4-5 times but none the following week.

geezerhere Sat 26-Jul-14 19:32:34

If im lucky once every 2 years. There is only so much rejection a person can put up with

I8toys Sat 26-Jul-14 19:48:26

Together 22 years, married 18 years and 2 children. Been trying to spice it up a bit with dressing up, anal etc so as not to get boring. Children go to my parents once a week so it's sexy time on Saturday night. I miss the spontaneity but he will not entertain the idea with the kids around.

morethanpotatoprints Sat 26-Jul-14 19:57:05

Together 26 years and married for 22, we had spells of sexual draught when dc were little and again 10 years ago after surprise dd.
Apart from this we have always had regular sex if not every night then every other night. This seems to be the norm for us, but everybody is different.
I agree with others who say there is no normal and no problem with regularity as long as you are both happy.
We also did the dressing up and spicing up stuff and still do occasionally I think anything is healthy for your sex life if you enjoy it. We have gone full circle now and back to the honeymoon stage where I wait up for dh to come home, ah.

peanutnutter Sat 26-Jul-14 21:18:57

I wish, once a month would be great its been 10 years sad

LittleMissRayofHope Sun 27-Jul-14 11:30:39

Together 4 years, married 1.5, dd is 2, due in September with DS.
Pre dd it was averagely 2/3 times a day. Somedays nothing. Post dd and it was like 1/2 a week, maybe mothing for a week or two then a few times in a row...
Between work, babies, house work and general grind of life it happens when it happens. I never compare to other couples though, personally. That's asking for trouble in my mind!!

MrsStatham Sun 27-Jul-14 12:34:22

Married 18 years usually 3 times a week but we have dry spells in the winter for some reason.

BolshierAyraStark Sun 27-Jul-14 17:35:43

Married 7 years, together 16-2 small DC. We have peaks & troughs so sometimes will be 4-5 times a week, other times lucky to do once. It works for us though.

SirChenjin Sun 27-Jul-14 17:38:41

Genuinely interested - how do those of you who have teenagers (whose bedrooms are next door to yours and who are always awake) and a younger one (who is in bed around 8 and up early the next morning), and no family or friends who will take all 3 of them, and 2 full time jobs thrown in, actually manage to DTD?

Not going to say how often we get it on, but suffice to say, with the above, it ain't that often!

RainbowTeapot Sun 27-Jul-14 17:38:56

About once a year for 3 years (And one of those produced child 2!)

Now it's at least once a day smile

mum2014 Sun 27-Jul-14 23:27:02

We try to have sex most nights but with older kids it's becoming very hard to enjoy our sex life.
I did go through a few years where once a week or less would be ok but since stopping the pill my sex drive has increased think poor hubby is worn out with me wanting sex!

GothMummy Sun 27-Jul-14 23:37:18

Twice a month due to lack of opportunity. We have wakeful children, who wont let us have any privacy - toddler who wont sleep in her own bed and 8 year old who wont stay in bed. And also because we are exhausted, both working etc.

Oh, and we are late 30s, married for 17 years.

bluevanman Tue 29-Jul-14 13:20:42

Together 10, married 4, both late 20s with a toddler. Once a month if lucky. I need more but being patient..

commodoredawe Wed 30-Jul-14 20:55:59

We are both 57, married for 30 years. We have sex with intercourse about twice a week. Customary oral for my wife before she drifts off (we got used to that) and a few joint masturbation. I find her still very attractive and can't keep my hands of her. I guess that helps. She has become a bit less active over the years. We are very open about what we like, want and what we do or have done when the other wasn't around.

I guess there aren't any rules. The important thing is that everybody is happy and their needs are looked after.

maggiethemagpie Wed 30-Jul-14 21:21:48

2-3 times a month, would be more but we only like doing it in the morning and have two young children who often wake up early.... sometimes we can persuade DS to go downstairs and watch a dvd, and the baby can go in her cot for a nap. We then feel like we can't spend too long in case the kids disturb us so we are good at quickies! We've been together five years. I remember doing it six times in one night when we first met...oh them days

justwondering72 Wed 30-Jul-14 21:42:07

We have been together 15 years, married 11. DH is mid 40s, I am early 40s. Two dc, oldest is 5. I think we do it maybe once a month? Too knackered, got books to read and tbh neither of us has a high sex drive I think. Other stuff to do that is more important.

It's a bit like going to the theatre. We dont do it for ages, then go and say 'wow, that was really great, we must do the more often!' . Then normal life resumes its usual hectic pace... And we don't. Until the next time!

Tappergirl Wed 30-Jul-14 21:44:12

Can't remember when within the past 2 months. I am 50, he is 47. Been together for 10 years this September, and married for 5.5 years. Used to be at it like rabbits until a few months ago. However his 2 teenage kids moved in with us full time last February, and that has eaten away at our relationship,and certainly the respect I have for him as he has become spineless when confronted about issues with the way I see his kids.

For me, the desire has suddenly evaporated. I walk on egg shells to keep the peace. The stress of doing that is making sex being the last thing on my mind. I just don't have the feelings there anymore. He senses that definitely as he has or had a huge sexual appetite. Shame how things change.

Tappergirl Wed 30-Jul-14 23:39:45

Can't remember when within the past 2 months. I am 50, he is 47. Been together for 10 years this September, and married for 5.5 years. Used to be at it like rabbits until a few months ago. However his 2 teenage kids moved in with us full time last February, and that has eaten away at our relationship,and certainly the respect I have for him as he has become spineless when confronted about issues with the way I see his kids.

For me, the desire has suddenly evaporated. I walk on egg shells to keep the peace. The stress of doing that is making sex being the last thing on my mind. I just don't have the feelings there anymore. He senses that definitely as he has or had a huge sexual appetite. Shame how things change.

Happy36 Wed 30-Jul-14 23:45:12

We are 36 and 34. Married 8 years, kids are 3 and 6. We both work full-time.

We try to have sex every day (sometimes "just" oral as that's quicker). We tend to do it in the mornings more often than evenings. When I have my period it can be painful and messes up the bedclothes so we do it in the shower or stick to oral for a few days. Sometimes we skip a couple of days due to tiredness, travel, kids' stuff but tend to make up for it in spare time at the weekend.

No idea whether we're normal! We just fit it in where there's time!

Philoslothy Wed 30-Jul-14 23:47:52

Both in our 40s, been together about 20 years.

Most days at least once.

sodaksue Tue 12-Aug-14 20:06:28

We have six kids, ages 22 to 7 years old. We've been together for 26 years and married 23 of those. I could do without sex but I pleasure hubby about once to twice a week anymore in exchange for a back scratch. If it was up to him, he'd get off every night. I'm 46, menopausal, and have a weak bladder; it doesn't interest me a bit!

trinity73 Sat 23-Aug-14 22:32:41

Im 41. married for 21 years and 2 boys who are 18 and 14. I just checked and last time we had sex was 7 weeks ago. I have an app for periods and entered it. I feel ashamed its been so long but also upset/why isnt he interestedinme? This has gone on for years, i can get aroused my self but the two of us never seem to a) have time or b) care if we have sex. any advice would be great ty. x

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi Sat 23-Aug-14 22:44:48

Sirchenjin we have teenagers and younger dc (six dc altogether) and we manage by having a lock on our bedroom door and putting music on

If we waited till everyone was asleep or out of the house it would just never happen grin

We also make use of the lock on the bathroom door to have a bath together etc

Sometimes we disappear into the bedroom during the day and say that we want some time to watch a film, sometimes that's actually what we do and we lock the door if we're watching something inappropriate so they don't always associate locked door = us having sex grin

MsVanRein Sat 23-Aug-14 22:54:13

Every day mostly, sometimes skip a day or two if we are tired, very busy or whatever. Sometimes I get pain as well so can't manage for that reason.

DH works away about 50% of time though so we go weeks without in between times!

LoafersOrLouboutins Sun 24-Aug-14 12:22:13

I'm now divorced but when I was married to ExDH it was usually 4times a week-ish. Sometimes more as we would have sex in the morning at weekend. We didn't have sex for 10 weeks after the birth of each DD, and stopped when I was in the late stages of pregnancy. We were 31 and 32 when we separated, with a 4 year old and 7 month old.

goldsilver Sun 24-Aug-14 13:53:23

Think your husband is right, two or three times a month isn't very much at all.

StillWishihadabs Sun 24-Aug-14 14:07:01

Once to twice a week. Dh is a quantity( would Dtd everyday but at I inopportune times) man I like to go for quality ( would be more than happy with 1-2 times a month as long as I was really turned on and we gave it our full attention )

m0therofdragons Sun 24-Aug-14 14:12:04

together 13 years, married 10. 3dc ages 6 and two 2yos. Some weeks it's 3 or 4 times, other times it's once, then period week it's 0 and I should only be approached with caution and chocolate ;)

Cafevelo Sun 24-Aug-14 14:22:20

This thread was started in 2011.....

Makeupandkiss87 Sun 24-Aug-14 14:26:03

I've been with my OH for 6 yrs and married for 1yr. I'm 9 months pregnant and we've only managed to have sex twice since I've been pregnant due to awkwardness of baby moving etc.

My husband doesn't have as high a sex drive as I do so when not pregnant we would average on once per week. This may be low to some couples but there are other ways to show intimacy and neither of us feels rejected by the other.

FinnsMum19 Sun 24-Aug-14 14:44:18

together 9 years, married for 3. Aged 29 (me) and 34, one 4yo DS. On average two or three times a week, although there will be some weeks it's none due to work etc and some weeks it's 4-5 x

voddiekeepsmesane Sun 24-Aug-14 18:28:04

Not married here but been together 13 years (both in early 40s) We have been from the "honeymoon" first 2 years when it was 4/5 times a week to having ds and barely having sex at all for the first 4 years (my libido went completely) back to settling into about once a week for a few years. Then back to hardly ever for 2 years, DP having an affair, not surprisingly absolutely nothing for a while and now back to 1/2 a week. I really think that there isn't one answer to the ops question because it really depends on where you are within relationship and life eg young children or not, stressfull fulltime work or not etc. As long as both people are happy with the amount whether it be 1 a year or every day then it's ok smile

Nazdaspecialone Tue 16-Sep-14 21:36:01

Been married 8 years, been a couple for 8 years. We have an 18 month old boy. Please forgive my forwardness. We make love on average twice a week. She knows I'd like to do it more and therefore keeps me tame by supplementing the 2 sessions a week with a number of hj's/bj's during the week (in particular if she's on her period). It works both ways... she regularly gets a tantric scented oil massages from me and returns the favour. If guys make the effort to make a lady feel sexy/hot, she'll be willing to put out. Oh, and we started having sex roughly a month after she gave birth gradually increasing frequency. Hope this helps.

simisimi Fri 19-Sep-14 21:11:02

42 years old and been married 17 years. Two kids ages 7 & 10. Sex is almost a daily event. I find I am a much better father and husband if my needs are met. She gets it and this works for us. Now I will say that "good" sex is probably weekly.

nubbs Wed 24-Sep-14 02:26:50

43 years old and my husband is also 43 and we have been together since we were 19. We have a 16 yr old and a 20 yr old in college. We have sex 2-3 times a week sometimes 4times during the summer months. My husband is very good at it, which helps. smile

Dowser Wed 24-Sep-14 07:48:21

60s no kids, no jobs, no excuse lol!

I thought we must be getting past it at 2-3 times a week. Now I see we have no excuse why aren't we doing it daily lol

Actually we both are quite happy with the amount. It's quality that counts . It's all good!

Those that are like ships that pass in the night, if you weren't so tired would you like to do it more.

Two weeks ago we thought we'd have a go at daily. I think we managed four days before life got in the way.

It's such lovely way of getting close to your loved one I don't know why we aren't all at it like rabbits.

I went four years as my marriage broke up without a man cuddle never mind sex, so meeting my new man and giving to the relationship is just bliss.

Sex or intimacy at least should really be at the top of the list. Most men are just softies at heart particularly if they've had good mothering and most good men when they meet us want to love us forever and too often they end up being at the bottom end of the priority list. They actually don't need much to keep them happy. None of us do really but it can be difficult when young children, jobs, stress etc gets in the way and yet sex and a big 'O' is the best stress relief there is.

The question we should be asking is not how often we do it but why arent we doing it more often.

Dowser Wed 24-Sep-14 07:50:35

Sounds like you've got it spot on nubbs.

Did it dwindle when the kids were younger.

Tooclosetoforty Mon 03-Nov-14 20:49:01

Up to twice a day for three weeks with one week off.

Tooclosetoforty Mon 03-Nov-14 20:50:29

We have been married 8.5 years and have one child.

Dowser Mon 03-Nov-14 21:46:44

Hope the OP and her husband are at least on weekly sessions now ;-)

TheHermitCrab Tue 04-Nov-14 09:24:22

Why is it you need to know?

Is one of your complaining you don't get enough? or is it just banter?

I only ask because if one of you is unhappy with the amount you are getting, then whether people say they have it 5 times a day or once every fortnight it isn't really going to change how much either of you want it.

I wouldn't be comparing myself to other couples, as long as you are happy with eachother. smile

wales1975 Mon 10-Nov-14 13:04:23

I am 39 and my wife is 35. We have sex twice per week usually. We have sex whenever we get the opportunity, the walls are thin and my son is 14, so we only have sex when he is out of the house.

Our sessions last over an hour, but that is mostly my fault because I don't "finish" quickly, I don't know why, it has always been that way.

To be fair, even if we had the house to ourselves all the time I don't think we would do it much more than twice per week.

daniellecole25 Mon 10-Nov-14 13:07:33

Me and my husband have been married for a year and a half together for 7 years. 2 kids both under the age of 5 and for us it varies. Although recently we've been making an effort to have sex every other day! This has worked out really well and we're both now feeling more loved and wanted then ever before x

FoolishFay Mon 10-Nov-14 13:49:32

Been together 9 years, he works away 4 nights a week - usually have sex twice over the to make the most of it!

Mammanat222 Mon 10-Nov-14 14:05:08

Together 7 years, 2 year old child, I'm 30 weeks pregnant with number 2. Once a week is average.

That said we're just getting ready for a big house move, have been working tirelessly on the new place between work and childcare so we have been like passing ships for the last 6 weeks or so!

nicl03 Mon 10-Nov-14 15:38:37

We have been together 12 years, married for just over 7 years 3 kids we have sex anything from 3-5 times a week we have a really good sex life.

tilliebob Mon 10-Nov-14 17:07:21

We're mid 40's, 3 kids, married over 20 years and it varies from 3/4 times a week to not at all. Depends on DHS shifts, my hormones, the opportunity...lots of things!

Velocirapture Mon 10-Nov-14 17:17:33

About twice a week, if neither of us is away.

Notagainmun Mon 10-Nov-14 17:52:29

Married 25 years, both in our forties and we average 3-4 Times a week. Kids are grown up so more frequent now than when they were little. On holiday we get down to it daily, sometimes twice - love hotel sex blush

velouria Mon 10-Nov-14 18:03:49

Lmao zombie thread, was really confused to read my own reply under a different username. Boiled frog is very apt, that reply was 3 years ago and I have since left him grin.

fakenamefornow Mon 10-Nov-14 18:09:22

Is anyone collating these figures into a table for us?

Married 18 years 3 primary aged children, sex about once a week usually, a lot less frequently recently, but we've both been massively stressed.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 10-Nov-14 18:24:39

Presumably you don't just want to hear from married couples?

But ime of long term relationships, anything from never to every day is normal and fine.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 10-Nov-14 18:25:12

Personally the more stressed I am, the more I like sex.

trinitybleu Mon 10-Nov-14 21:03:09

Together 19 years - 2 or 3 times a week, more if we're on holidays.

jezzapaxmanslovechild Mon 10-Nov-14 21:19:16

With my ex after kids it was about 1-2 times a week with occasional dry spells.

I do remember however after ds1 it was about 4 weeks after birth and I wanted to check all was in order. Cue glasses of wine and gently getting down to it. All went well but when he pulled his knob out there was an errant stray stitch on the end of it...

CheerfulYank Mon 10-Nov-14 21:52:17

Married for eight years, together for 11. Two kids, one on the way. I'm 32 and he's 35.

About twice/three times a week on average.

Whatever is normal for you though.

LuluJakey1 Mon 10-Nov-14 22:20:54

32 weeks pregnant now and down to about 2-3 times a week from 4-5. Exhaustion and the bump are the cause! DH is up for more but I am just tired. I am giving him the slow hand jobs he likes when I can't be bothered with sex- if I am in a good mood.

Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse Tue 11-Nov-14 20:45:47

We're both in our 30's. Been together 20 yrs, married for 13. 3 kids. I have no libido and we do it maybe once a month. Currently seeing psychosexual counsellor as it used to hurt a lot. I blame the kids and stitches. Counsellor says we need to be intimate at least once a week to keep Relationship alive. Quantity not quality.

CurlyMango Wed 12-Nov-14 20:21:21

Well I think we managed it once in 2013. We have been together 17 years, married 13. Have two children, both have massive jobs. Love each other but timings are always out. Think we also had sex in 2012.....

CurlyMango Wed 12-Nov-14 20:21:47

Oh not as yet in 2014,

Fairywhitebear Wed 12-Nov-14 20:25:07

Sorry DH blush

I think only 3 times since DS was born (he's 6 months)...traumatic birth (after an equally traumatic, but different birth with our first child)..I'm two stone heavier than I normally am and my body is wrecked. Am also knackered with dealing with 2 under 2.

Worse thing is, I have no desire at all at the minute. Quite happy with no sex. Pretty sure DH isn't sad

One and a half this year! Him, definitely not me!
(the half was at the start of the year, I was pregnant and it was crap, so I am not giving him a full point for that one.)

Its great when we do, but the lack of sex regularly has totally battered my self-confidence and I cant face the idea of ever bothering again atm. He is such a wonderful DH in every other way and I love him entirely but the mismatch in our sex drives has devastated me. I have nothing left.

CakeUpWall Wed 12-Nov-14 23:32:42

Why does this particular zombie thread keep getting resurrected? It's nearly 3.5 years old now. confused

HusbandTryingHard1969 Mon 29-Dec-14 07:27:19

I'm posting this for those that are NOT making love hardly AT ALL.
BUT wish they were asking love A LOT MORE.
I don't have any answers for you BUT I wanted you to know you r not the only one. I could echo just about every thing 'somerset7' said in May 2014.
I just joined this site just now after googling 'how often do married couples really have sex after 20 years'
Since our 2nd child 13 years ago the lack of love making has been an issue for me. Often went almost a year without.
We sort of made love once this summer hols just gone but that was not great and the first time for 3 years.
We've just done a marriage course at our church which I think is helping our relationship and it will take time, but helping me love unselfishly.
I also am regularly disappointed by my wife's lack of affection toward me despite her describing how good a husband I am and that she is happy. She says she just doesn't want to have sex.
I just wanted to share and say I will always keep trying to love my wife the best I can sacrificially and tenderly.
I do hope I can please her and hopefully be pleased I think it would add so much more Joy to our lives BUT I am committed to loving her but not seeking my identity in how she responds to me.

jack45132 Mon 29-Dec-14 13:30:28

Sometimes no sex for year or to, sometimes several times a week for quite a while. I think it's natural to be up and down. My other point is; I think all the women who say something like "not that often, but WE are happy with this, although I'm sure he wouldn't complain if we had more" are kidding themselves - he's permanently pissed off but has learnt to bury it towards the back of his mind.

euradick Mon 29-Dec-14 18:05:54

Married for 26 years - have sex roughly once every 3 or 4 months. I'm not happy with it but partner is so...........

DontGotoRoehamptonUniversity Mon 29-Dec-14 18:45:41

have not read the whole thread.... anyone out there -mid- fifties married 20 years, teenage DC, both with demanding jobs... that is the metric that would be interesting to know grin

Tea1Sugar Tue 30-Dec-14 11:23:20

Been together 3 years, last dtd when dd was conceived...17months ago.

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