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Dwindling Sex Life -what to do.

(7 Posts)
quietlygoingbonkers Thu 09-Jun-11 17:38:28

It is a really tough one. I am a husband - married 14 years, 2 children, youngest now 7. Never been great sleepers which hasn't helped. Sex is now less than once a month and I am more of a 3 or 4 times a week person and that's how it's been for 10 years. Wife is sahm. Tried gently talking about it, daytime rendezvous's, getting babysitters, tried organising weekends away. But it is still crawling along in first gear. I don't want to push it too hard as the rest of the relationship is great and I don't want her to feel this is "her fault" which would spoil the rest of what is a great relationship. I suspect her sex drive is just now very low, or at least a lot lower than mine. If that is the case then Im not sure there is very much that can be done. Even on holiday, no stress, lots of sleep, still no sex. That's a big problem for me. There has often been a good reason - disturbed nights, stress, small children but after 10 years I'm beginning to think this is just the way it's going to be. we are both in our late 40's and frankly I'm not ready to give up on my sex life that easily!

mummakaz Thu 09-Jun-11 19:51:10

Sorry no advice but might be worth posting on chat as it's busier over there smile

GreenTeapot Thu 09-Jun-11 19:59:13

I think a lot depends on how your wife feels to be honest. Have you talked to her openly about it? You can talk about it without pressurising her, if you are tactful and make it clear that you love her regardless of the sex situation.

mumblechum1 Thu 09-Jun-11 20:04:44

You've really got to talk openly about it. It's not fair for a couple's sex life to depend entirely on what just one of you wants.

I've seen literally hundreds of divorces where one party was dissatisfied (eithr too much or too little sex) and it's the one thing most likely to break up a marriage, either directly by one person having an affair, or indirectly by leading to loads of arguments about many different things, but all with their root being in one party's not caring about the other's needs.

You need to let her know that your marriage is at stake here and you need to really listen to each other if you want to save it.

mimiholls Fri 10-Jun-11 10:01:55

Agree with mumblechum. It's not fair at the moment and she is showing no regard for your feelings. She needs to realise how serious it is. I don't have much practical advice, you could try sex therapy?

quietlygoingbonkers Fri 10-Jun-11 11:31:35

update! Now managed to have a very constructive and in depth talk and I think things may get a lot better. At the very least I managed to raise the seriousness of the issue from my perspective without making it feel as though this was me making demands. The "how can I help you to feel better about having sex" was the approach and it was taken in the spirit it was intended. I was slightly dreading it as so much is at stake and conversations like that can go badly wrong and are at best unpredictable. This site is a wonderful resource for us blokes as well as mums isn't it?

mumblechum1 Fri 10-Jun-11 11:33:12

Glad to hear your chat went well.

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