Why wouldn't pil want to spend xmas with their new (&only) gc?

[bigbutton]

Dh and I are expecting our first baby at the end of September. It will be the first gc for both sets of parents. My parents live 10 mins away, but pil live about 3 hrs drive away, and sil lives abroad.

We're spending xmas with my dps this year. Apart from his paternity leave (during which sil will have to work), it'll be the first stretch of leave dh has after the baby is born. Dh therefore asked my dm if he could invite mil, pil and sil to spend xmas with us. It'll be the first chance his side of the family have to spend a few days all together with our dc.

My dm said she'd be delighted to have them as well but mil has told dh that she doesn't fancy the drive, so they're going to spend xmas at home. Dh was disappointed, but didn't say anything as he didn't want to upset mil. Sil has since (accidentally) mentioned that "it's a shame that they can't come here for xmas because pil can't bring their dog here with them". Df and I are both allergic to dogs, so neither of us can put him up.

Dh is upset that they're not coming but he doesn't tend to question his mother's decisions. I can't think of any way I can help. Mostly, I am selfishly thinking it'll be nice to have a quiet xmas with my just my side of the family. I just can't seem to get rid of this mild feeling of annoyance that pil would apparently rather spend time with their dog than getting to know their gc.

Can anyone see another way of looking at this? Do gps not normally want to spend time with their gc? I know a baby isn't going to be a barrel of laughs and entertainment at 3 months but I thought thay might like to spend a few days with their ds and dgc. Should I just be glad to have an xmas free of in-laws?

[bibbitybobbityhat]

Your baby will only be three months old and not all that interesting. Perhaps they don't fancy being waken at night?

[Pumpster]

It's June ffs...
My parents have never spent much time with my children, everyone is different.

[mercibucket]

they probably want some quality time with you, your dh and the baby, not with your parents as well and also staying at your parents. I can see your side as well - three hours is a long time with a three month old baby in the car but maybe they would like you to come and visit them, or put them up near your house and have separate time with them, maybe new year
Or they might not be that bothered, I suppose not all grandparents are. what does your dh think? can he ask them a bit more directly what they would like to do as a first meeting with their grandchild?

[SingingTunelessly]

Well they can't just leave their dog can they and kennels (if they would consider that option) are expensive over Christmas. You've invited them and they can't make it. It happens. Tbh I would rather spend the time with my dogs than a 3 month old. Sorry.

[mamas12]

bit hard bibbi
You sound as though you are feeling for your dh rejection of sorts.
Can you ring them and ask them again as a well just checking that you haven't changed your mind about xmas it'll lovely to see you and ds is looking forward showing off your grandchild to you sort of thing.

Or can sil offer to take the dog or know of anyone who could?

[MerylStrop]

Have a small round of applause for such an early mention of Xmas.

Getting someone to look after the dog over xmas would probably genuinely be tricky or expensive. Maybe they were going to invite you all and feel a bit miffed that you got in with the invitation sooner - especially as your folks are on the doorstep and will presumably be seeing rather a lot more of the baby that they will be able to - in which case Have A Word and Nip It In The Bud because you don't want any tension bubbling under. Or maybe they just don't fancy spending Xmas in someone else's house no matter how lovely they are and how warm the welcome. Some people are just like that.

Whatever you do don't take the huff yourselves. Can you not go visit them after Xmas?

[JiminyCricket]

Think people have to do what they want for christmas it can get so stressful otherwise. And yes, in my experience dogs always come before grandchildren...but don't assume its because they don't care, its just that spending an extended time with rellies isn't everyone's cup of tea, and remember this is a baby they don't know yet. Start out with low expectations of them so that they can exceed them and so you innoculate yourself from disappointment! And extend an open and warm welcome for another time. I expected more interest from my parents, but they still mean a lot to my dds, even without that much regular contact.

[keynesian]

Maybe they're remembering the weather of last December and Christmas and don't want the worry of traveling in the winter.

And maybe they do prefer a quiet Christmas with the dog instead of being guests of your parents in a full and busy house...but that's their preference and their right.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

What do you mean by "bit hard bibbi"?

[squeakytoy]

They probably have their own plans, friends who they see, and dont fancy spending christmas cooped up in someone elses house, I know I wouldnt.

I also would not want to put my dog in kennels or expect anyone else to be responsible for him over xmas.

And in all honesty, a 3 month old will not be the remotest bit interested in the fact that it is xmas either.

[lookingfoxy]

Its really not doable, what are they meant to do with their dog for this length of time, they would have to spend 6 hours driving on christmas day!!

[blackeyedsusan]

they probably don't want to spend christmas trying to be polite to people they hardly know. some people find this more stressful than others. would they be able to come down for new year?

[bigbutton]

Now this is just the kind of sense I needed talking into me. You're generally and collectively right. It's not up to us what they do. We invited them, they're not coming, everyone will probably have a nice time anyway. I think I just needed to hear it from an impartial source.

And yes, it is too early for xmas plans in June. And yet the whole flaming family has it all planned out already. At least we're all as bonkers as one another.

Thanks for the perspective :)

[SingingSands]

Ask them again once baby is here, they may well change their minds. In the grand scheme of things, its not worth stressing about at this stage. Don't turn this into an issue when it isn't one.

[jasper]

glad you can see the other viewpoint bb.

It's also true that some people are just not that excited about a new baby, be it grandchild, nephew, neice, whatever. It doesn't make them bad people

I would resist driving three hours ANYWHERE for Christmas , for any reason.

[dearprudence]

DH always tuts and rolls his eyes when my family start talking about Christmas in September. Planning in June is hardcore.

Not coming for Christmas isn't the same as not wanting to see their grandchild. You might find they're all over you once the baby arrives (be careful what you wish for!)

[Omigawd]

Do what we and so many others I know do - visit one set at Xmas and one set on Boxing day or New Year.